The Heartbreaker You Think You Are Not…

This post is about speaking from the side of the party who is seen as “ cruel” or heartless for hurting the other person when a relationship doesn't work. Have you ever been in this position? To those who say No... Are you SURE? Think back and think again. When you are busy blaming someone whom you know breaking the heart of some other people you know, you don’t realize that actually, you have been doing the same thing and who knows how many people have cursed you behind your back for what you did. Just that, you were never aware that something like that happened. WHAT IF, you have been labeled as “The Heartbreaker” by a lot of people and you are the last to know?

How many hearts you broke so far? Just when you thought you have been compassionate enough towards other people, let alone the people who have affections for you, you have been breaking their hearts, you made some people cry because of your decisions and you keep moving on with your life without knowing the damage that you have done and what kind of scar you left in some people’s heart. It knocked me on the head when I tried to think about my own deeds. I could not believe that actually I’ve been hurting people. How many times that I’ve been selfish enough to not see my own fault because I was busy blaming the other person when something didn’t work out. The scariest part is to finally see that you were the reason that most of your past relationship didn’t work. Not your partner. Darn…tell me that it won’t feel this bad.

I remember it now that I have been in a relationship without feeling “it”, thinking that I was only doing him a favour by staying; thinking that I was doing a good thing. In the end, I left him without words when I found someone else who I thought I was more connected to and made me feel happier. I always thought it was destiny that caused me to do what I did and that I should be helpless. I forgot to give enough thought to the guy that I hurt thinking that It Was Not My Fault anyway. I just couldn’t force myself anymore. That was what I thought. When I found him back years after, he told me he suffered so much, he quit his job and stayed at home crying, fixing his heart and how he burnt all my pictures and gifts. I was like, “Oh man… that bad?” For other people who know him, I was surely labeled as The Heartbreaker who toyed with the guy’s feeling. They have a point to call me that, but darn, how come I wasn’t aware how much damage I’ve done.

What about all the other short flings that I had, when I ended up blaming theguy for being coward and a loser for not trying hard enough. Come to think about it, I could be the one to blame. I hardly show any reactions that he wanted to see or say the word he wanted to hear. I gave him no security at all. I was there in his life – just to fill some space. I thought I was doing good enough by doing that. I thought he should be thankful that I wanted to be in his life, but I just realized that what I did was selfish because I only thought of myself and I never really thought about him. He might feel like a puppet, who could be left by me anytime I want because I never showed him COMMITMENT that I would want to stay in his life for a long time. It felt like a slap around the face when I remember that this scenario has happened to me for a few times and I never woke up. I forgot how many times I refused to talk about more serious stuff – while the guy never stopped trying to make me understand that he wanted my commitment and no matter how good I was, it was still the girl that loves him that he would rather stay with. “What’s the point of dating 256 when she doesn’t love me back, and she never gives her commitment of staying in my life, and hell, she doesn’t even care to tell others that I am suppose to be the most special guy in her life?” - -- Could that be what the guys were thinking that time? So when things didn’t work out, I have my own twist of story so make me look innocent and it was all the guy’s fault. Now I know…Now I know.

How could I forget the cruelest thing that I did to this one ex of mine. This made the rest of them look less serious and minor. I remember how good he was to me. He did everything for me and he did nothing lack in anything that a girl would ask for. He thought that he had done enough. Although to me he was the first guy that I’ve really loved , Still, he was the only one who was working in the relationship. I failed to tell him that I was still not ready to get tied and I made him wait for a long time thinking that I could be ready soon. If only I was a little thoughtful, I should let him go earlier and not giving him false hope. He wasted his time for me just to find out I was still not ready and I never felt guilty because I thought I’ve tried hard enough but still failed. I have seriously hurt him…Oh God, now I realize it even more. 

Suddenly I look in the mirror and saw a person who has broken many hearts. Given them hopes I could not fulfill, leaving my footprints just to drop by and never meant to stay. How could I be more heartless than that. After so many years, I didn’t know that I’ve been The Heartbreaker, for whatever reasons that I have. The feeling of remorse is in my heart but saying sorry to them is not enough. I have to clean my act and start improving. I must stop blaming and do my part instead. I hope if I have fixed my mistake in this, although they are not the one to gain anything; I hope I really proved that I might hurt them but it was not my intention and I hope they find a way to forgive me.

Guys and Girls…How about you? :) When your relationship is always in trouble and you keep breaking up, that is a sign that It Could be You who are with problems. Whether it’s in your attitude, in your ego and how you handle things, or just simply because you don’t get it to the point of the relationship. Yet, still the scariest part is you are the cause of all your breakups. I write this post, calling myself the heartbreaker, because I’m bold enough to admit my mistake. Only by doing that, that I can improve. I’m going to be a better person now, I Promise. :)

To All HeartBreakers Out there...It's Time to Clean your act. Love for the right reason, vow to never break another heart again.