When You Try So Hard To "Look Expensive"...

There’s one type of people who announce that “I just bought this Nike shirt for RM150” and nobody believes. They thought you must borrow it or maybe even found it or steal it if it’s really that expensive. Or are you this type of people who when other people ask “Nice shirt. Where do you buy that? What brand?” You answer, “No brand. I bought it RM5 at rombengan” and they reply it with laughter because they think you are kidding and not wanting to reveal where you bought it.

When you know that people rely on impressions, sometimes it feels so stupid when you buy expensive things just to "look expensive" cos the fact is, the people who know you already have a pre-impression about "how expensive" you are . Of course this can be cruel sometimes. I mean, when you can afford nice things, sometimes it makes no difference if this is all about making impressions. Your friends know you can afford a Kancil, but for some reason, you start to feel the peer pressure when most of your friends are using Vios. So what you do is you go fork all your savings, and even borrow some from your parents and siblings just so you can buy a Hilux. Yes, you finally get to drive it. So, what do you expect now? That suddenly your friends think you guys are now even or better than them just because you drive Hilux? So now you can sit with them and not worry when they start talking about cars because you can always brag about yours? No. The thing is, no matter what car or clothes you wear, it usually won't change their impression about you. They know you are still earning RM1,500 per month and now with large expenses on petrol and car maintenance. They know that to afford something like that, you have to squeeze your personal spendings or maybe cut your budget on foods and others. They might even expect you to stop paying your life insurance premium. The worst of all is THEY KNOW that you are doing that just to buy their impression. It won't work.

I write this so you guys know how to do it right next time. I know the needs to be treated and seen equal like the rest and some of you just born like that. You guys can't bear the pressure of being lack than your peers. I mean, if you are in this category, I have a little pity on you. Try to be rational with this and use my reason. When you are hunting for good impressions, you will become so restless. I will tell you the reason why you don't need to do that. Who is your bestfriend? The person who afford the fanciest car or the person who you can simply sit down and have a chat with, not feeling the time slips. I bet your answer is number 2. This is exactly how other people see things, too. If you don't care to be seen through the impressions that you are making, people won't see you that way, either. People will still look for your human values...the most original ones that you have without all the superficial impressions. They will stick with you for these reasons, regardless what car you drive. And pity to those who think they can buy impression, yes you can lie to the people who you meet for the first time, but it won't be long before they know that you actually live not within your means.

I have been that way too during teenagehood. It failed miserably. I learnt from those who did not care about what others think. I salute them because they won't have to learn this value, it's in them. They are not pretty nor rich, but they are accepted and appreciated by those who are pretty and rich. Surprised? The fact to learn is that, sometimes we try too hard to please when people don't even care. They understand that our financial means are different so why try so hard to be the same? It only proves your immaturity and only makes you the laughingstock among them. DON'T. Just be yourself and don't make this an issue at all. I mean, you wear what you like. If it's not expensive or branded, so what? You have comfortable clothes to wear and that's good enough. If the few bad apples comments on your lack of taste, you won't care much if you realize that YOU are not defined by what you wear. There are more out there who see you more special than the rest. Your humbleness makes a lot of people comfortable to be around you. So stop trying too hard to impress. Just go to rest and be who you simply are. 


"It's better to be hated for who you are than to be loved for who you are not."

:)

You Are Who Your Friends Are?

People say that you are who your friends are. If you want to be smart, mix with the top achievers. If you want to be among the bad-ass, you must start talk and act like them. So you know, as we grow up, people always believe that we are influenced by our friends. Which is quite true, actually. Anyway, please note. It doesn’t come true on its own. YOU make it true.

History has shown us that people do get influenced by their friends. You learn and start to imitate your friends and what they do and how they do it. Maybe’s it’s one of the attributes in human being that we tend to copy other people for what they do and say if we be around them frequent enough. So, what do you think?

I write this post because I want to highlite something about this. Speaking of imitating our friends, I do agree but you’re most exposed to danger when you are still in your adolescence. You are just learning how to become a human being and here is where everything is new to you. You don’t know which to take and accept so when you have an influence that gives you the reason to pick certain things, I guess it’s normal. It’s the time when you made the silliest mistakes that you might regret for the rest of your life. This is also the very challenging time for the parents to watch over you so that you will not do anything you might regret. When you enter adulthood, it should be a different story. You must know how to handle things, which to accept, what to pick and who to mingle with. Now you are totally responsible for your every deeds. So I am in adulthood now. I SHOULD know what to do. I should know what’s right and wrong and no one should influence me the way I don’t allow. Everything happen with my consent.

To be someone who is growing and not easily influenced by “bad friends”, is that possible? The answer is Yes, it’s possible. Why I said it? Because I’ve been there. I have had friends who lead a totally opposite lifestyle, and we could still sit down and talk about the things we have in common. When it comes to their “danger zone”, I put a very strong shield, telling myself that what they did is wrong. I tell you what’s the secret. The secret is the RATIONAL mind. This is how I respond to my parents’ strict way of bringing us up. I interpreted it that my parents feel that educating us to be good human beings is their biggest mission. And considering that they are successful halfway, why would I spoil the other half? Is it worth it? Sometimes I am proud to be a self-centered person, because when I make a certain agenda, I start to build principle and dignity around it, and I will stand by it no matter what. If I don’t, it would be a big failure of the century, and you guys know I’m smart enough to do something to avoid it. Yeah, you blame it on my ego. But this is the kind of ego that will make a lot of people win and they are the people I love. It’s almost a mission impossible in this world full of sins. Don’t tell me you don’t want to be the one to hold the trophy.

Even today, I am surrounded by people who have “funny” lifestyle. I have fag friend who told me he resorts to “selling body” after he got really frustrated with his –boyfriend- and he did it with different guy everynight, and earns money from it. I have a few married ladies who keep boyfriends and act like angels in front of their husband. I also have friends who are professional liars they always know what to say to back up their wrongdoings.  Do I need to be like them just because I can accept them as friends? The answer is Yes or No, up to you. But to me, No, I can never be like them. Maybe my life is not so cool, but either are theirs. I think some of you are too busy getting influenced by people. Maybe  we should break this chain of "bad influences" and be the first one in your circle to open their eyes that influence. Ask yourself this question, is the kind of life you are leading now gives the right kind of influence to your friends? After you answer, ask yourself, do you like your answer? If no, there's something need to be done. Good luck!

The Ones With The Most Graces

Judging from the things we do daily, I bet the ones who pray the most are the ones who might be the ones with the most graces. But are you sure? Or is it right to assume that way? For someone like me who almost never miss the attending mass every week, so does it mean I have more graces than the people who seldom go to church?

I still remember an old friend who has this strange addiction of “stealing”. Back in university, her roommate was so shocked to find out that the person who was seen reading Bible everynite, and has a very innocent look, always with the books and also a very good student, actually stole a large amount of money by withdrawing the money from the ATM machine belongs to her. The girl overheard the conversation between her roommate and her bestfriend, speaking about the ATM machine and pin number. The roommate was to go home and entrusted her bestfriend to take out some money to pay something while she was away. They thought it was harmless to say it with her presence in the room since that she was always busy reading Bible. I mean, how much graces can a person get reading Bible everyday when she stole money from others?

This is my point. Although I might look like I’m leading a righteous way of life by going to church every week, but hey, it doesn’t mean anything much yet. People don’t know if I really get something from all the hours I spend at the church. Do I pray well? Who knows my mind wander during the sermon and actually can’t wait for the mass to end. So it’s something like that. It’s not the show that we are after. We want “the quality” behind the show that people could not see. I bet those who are praying at home might get more graces than me during the days when I actually napped during sermons because I was too tired. Some people are very good with putting up a show to get good impression from other people. They get good review when people talk about them because people simply judge from what they can see until they know more. I don’t know if to them, it’s how they define by “being good”. If they can be close enough to God by engaging themselves in religious acitivies, visiting the holy places, be in the church choir or be the leader of a fellowship group, does that mean they have the most graces compared to other people who don’t do such thing?

I saw people who have this kind of living. They are so fanatic about religion but it’s just a show. They are still crooks at the office. They cheat people’s money. They have wild nightlife. They sleep around. They tell lies and mislead people with made-up stories to get some advantage and they simply have their own way to burn people’s trust. They even speak ill of others and laugh at others disadvantages. Still, they have that “angelic” way of living when it comes to religious thing. They devote themselves to praying, more than normal people do. Then I have a question. Do that kind of routine simply make their wrongdoings right? Or maybe, I have a better question.

What is the meaning of engaging yourself with religious activities when these are not affecting the way you live? When these are not enough to make you a good person who does the right thing? Cos in my logic, you can sit the whole day at the church, praying something, but when you get out of the church sounding and acting like a thug, I don’t know how that praying session has affected you. To me, it’s better that someone doesn’t even know how to pray properly but does the right thing.

I write this post because I was CURIOUS. Why people can be so religious but it doesn’t affect their way of life. Why? As for me me, I am not a fanatic, I believe in God more than I believe in religion. To me religion is just a medium. It’s not the religion that we worship. It’s God. And those who are so good with religion but don’t walk the talk, I’m so not sure if they are in the right track. I think that God will still bless people who don’t have religions, but lead the righteous way of life. I saw it that sometimes, these people without religions act better than those who claim to be devotees.

Ehm…Nevermind. Doesn’t matter about the graces and stuff…let’s just do the right thing, Good things will follow. Amen. :)

The Tips of “How To Forget Me”

Are you in the position to forget me? Do you find yourself glued to me because of the past memories that you have with me? Do you have to painfully part ways with me before you are ready? I don’t care who you are but if you say yes to any one of the questions, here are some tips for you.

1) Deactivate your Facebook account that has me in your friend list, since maybe you won’t have the heart to delete me or even block me. Cos if you don’t do that, I would deactivate mine. Considering the little access that people have of me, you actually become the reason why my friendship and my other online friends have to stop too. You can do that if you are selfish enough.

2) If you happen to have another Facebook account, avoid from sneaking into my page just to see my daily updates thinking that I won’t even know it if you peep my page 10 times a day. It’s not about me, it’s about you. If you want to keep torturing yourself like that, STOP IT and pretend that I don’t exist in Facebook. Even if you want to peep to see if I’m doing good, NO THANKS.

3) Don’t ever open any programme that has my name in the list, for example Yahoo Messenger. Since you might not have the guts to delete my name from your list, you can open a new account. I don’t know how you gonna do it but just freaking do it as long as you don’t see my online status (if I decide not to go invisible).

4) Delete all the pictures of me from your lappy and handphone. No matter how hard it was for you to finally get all my pictures, but you have no rights on the pictures and I never give permission for you to keep my pictures especially with the current situation that put you in the position to forget me. I seriously order you to GET RID of all my belongings from your gadgets that give you the access to them anytime which would make it harder for you to forget me.

5) Delete all my messages even the most cutest SMS that you have ever received from me. Those SMS might be among your favourite before but not anymore. Be the most heartless person and delete them all.

6) Now that your phone is free from my SMS, suddenly my number becomes a number of “somebody stranger” so please right away click DELETE to that number from your phonebook. Even if it takes a while for you to delete it from your mind but the first step might help. My phone number doesn’t like to be in your phonebook so please help it you get out your phonebook.

7) Please get involved in more activities, mix with people who are far from having my resemblance so you won’t have to be reminded of me. Miss my smile, miss my laughter, miss my voice, miss my hair (?) No More. Stop Missing.

8) Whenever you drive pass my area, don’t even stop and entertain one thought about me, and let alone trying to drive around thinking that you would see me walking around coincidently. This is totally prohibited because given the situation you are in, the sight of you is considered UNWANTED to me so the farther you are from where I am, the better.

9) Maybe it’s too much for me to ask you to avoid logging in to IRC because you know it’s where I “hang out” most of the time when I’m working with computer, so maybe you can AVOID logging in during my regular time so that you won’t see me chatting in the channel or even see my nick that might bring some funny emotions to you. If you still catch me, quickly press /quit so you can go back to your life, without having any disturbance caused by seeing my nick. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

10) This is the most effective one that YOU MUST DO. Clear your History of your Visited sites because I know my babyblog must be in the list. Even if you can remember my blog address, AVOID typing it because once it enters, you will see the sight that brings many kinds of nostalgic moments to you. Maybe you listen to the songs that are once your favourite and you might fail to avoid reading my writings that remind you all over again that “She was once my baby” and suddenly you remember that you’ve been reading my blog way before we were close. So as much as you thought you like this blog with or without the history with me, please take a long break and just hope that this blog will still be around once you are already TOTALLY OVER ME.

Maybe one day we could “see” each other again but for NOW, PLEASE FORGET ME cos if it hurts, it hurts a little less that way. After you read this post, continue with your mission of “I MUST FORGET TWOFIVESIX[256] and do it, you have my permission. THANK YOU.

NOTE: Hehehehehe :PP

Did I Just Betray A Friend?

I know this one senior friend 2 years ago. She always failed to tell the truth. The first lie that she told me was about her personal life. When I heard that people badmouthed about her, I backed her up and told them that “I knew better” since that I got the info from her mouth and not from others. Unfortunately, later I found out that people were right and I was wrong. I felt so fooled because the first secret she trusted me with, was all a lie. For that, she has lost my trust. The thing is, I reserve my opinion of her since that I don’t want to make enemies. She always comes to me to share things, asking for my opinion and all the stuff that she doesn’t do to others. I give my share of mind just like I do to all my friends who like to come to me for views.

I have another senior friend, who is also a friend to the other lady. They are both rivals in business. They both have dissatisfaction towards one another but on the surface, they are friends. Both like to come to me to share their problems.

Recently, the first lady (the one who lies a lot) came to me and told me her plan, which she asked me “to keep it as secret” because she wasn’t ready to tell other people about her drastic decision. I nodded and understood. Judging from the lies that she told me in the past, I learnt my lesson. So the “secret” that she told me recently could be just another lie. So when the other lady came to me for a chat, I actually told a little bit of that secret to her, after considering that it might not affect the first lady in a bad way. I was just expressing my disappointment that I have a friend who likes to tell lies and I can’t even tell the difference when she finally speaks the truth. In a way, I felt a little guilt inside me, even if the secret has no values (cos maybe it’s just another lie from her). Yes, but I did feel guilty.

Earlier today, the first lady came again to me and ask for a serious opinion on her decision once again. I found out that she was actually telling the truth about the secret. After listening to her situation, I told her the concerns involved that she should take into account before she finalizes that decision. I told her that she might make the wrong decision and the risks are just too high. Using my advantage, I could help her with my opinions because I have the same experience in the past and managed to handle my situation well. She listened to every word and I actually managed to make her change her decision in just less than one hour after I presented her the pros and cons of her situation. She felt so grateful and told me, “You are the only person that I can come to and give me something useful. I can tell you anything and trust you with secrets. Other people might just spread the story around and they just can’t keep secret. If I come to them they just accept my decision and ask me to follow my guts. But you are different. You have strong points and you don’t just go ahead and let me make a decision that you know could be wrong. I am so thankful to know you.” I paused for a while because I was startled that she actually found my advice useful. She reached out her hand and shook hands with me showing how she appreciated our little counseling session. I felt so guilty inside. So so guilty.

This is about us and our weaknesses. Just because she has been telling lies in the past, I could not punish her the dirty way by treating her secrets as just another lie. Even if the secrets mean nothing to others, but it’s about my integrity and how trustworthy I am. My whole life, people have trusted me so much with their secrets. Even the most embarrassing ones. I didn’t get to know if all of them were telling me the truth or just made up stories to make the conversation interesting. I feel bad inside because I could feel that she really appreciates my help. I felt quite bad inside because I think I have betrayed her. I seldom do this to my friends. I think that I have punished her without her knowing.

Then I come to my senses…

No matter if it’s a lie or not, I should not care as long as people present it to me as a secret. I should not care about anything else because it’s not my business. I must quit to be a private investigator because I must be realistic that I can’t put everything under my control. I save myself from the trouble by respecting my friends and not be the judge of who they are to the rest of the world. What matters if their friendship with me, they trust me and they appreciate me. Everytime a friend tells me that I help them so much, I feel so good inside. I realize that I am many levels down without my friends telling me how much benefit I bring to their life just by using my advantages and knowledge in the right way. This is one value that I have as a human being. By betraying a friend could make me feel like I lost it in a disgraceful way. This is another test of integrity. It’s not about what they ask me to keep, but it’s about how good I keep it. If I betray a friend like this again, I won’t look myself the same way again. I will never repeat this kind of guilt again.

How good of a person I can be when I can’t even be a reliable friend? :)

The One Who Loves You Or The One Who You Love?

Don’t be surprised that anyone of you could be at this point where making decision is crucial. Usually the decision is to be made when you’re coming to the more serious chapter in your life, when you really have to make a choice. If you still in your hunting season, of course you would go for that person you love. But there will come a time when you really need to decide, when your responsibility and target demand you to make the decision. At the same time, time factor is also the reason why you can’t stay in the hunting season forever. You are not going to be 25 forever. You think about having your own family and you think about who you gonna spend the rest of your life with. What you have in front of you is the person who is in love you you, but you are not in love with him; and the other person is someone you love for a very long time, but only treats you no more than a friend. The question is, where do you go from here? This is when the title of this post becomes the hardest decision in your life.

Here are the issues.

If you pick to be with the person who loves you:

You might worry that you would fail to love the person and you would end up regretting your decision. Then you would ask yourself, you might commit infidelity when you finally get the chance to be with the person that you love. You might  end up asking yourself, “If only I waited a little longer.”

If you pick to be with the person who you love:

It’s pretty much the same issues. You might worry that What if he never gonna love you? He might cheat you and two-time you behind your back because he won’t be happy with you. This will eventually lead to wreckage and heartache. Then you might ask yourself, “If only I don’t force it on him, all this won’t happen.”

These are the common concerns that might occur to you. If you want to know my answer, although it’s a tough decision, I pick no 1. It’s not because it’s a good decision, but I think it’s a better one. Let’s drag real life stories to back up my answer. I’m influenced by the advice shared by more experienced people. I still remember this one senior guy who told me, “Love is not what you people think it is. The love that you ladies are looking for doesn’t exist.” He’s not the only one. My big bro told me that he married his wife not because of love. He didn’t know what love was back then. He was caught up in a responsibility that he had to marry her and now they have a happy family and my bro never regrets his decision. Again, he told me the same thing the senior guy said. Love is something that builds up after all the years living together. 

“You do things together, go places together and you solve problems together. How can you not love someone who you spend years living together with?” The person who would wait by the door and comfort you and listen to your problems and provide your needs. How can you, being a human being, not feel any kind of love for that person? Eventually the feeling of appreciation and gratefulness will take over you and suddenly you realize that your life is incomplete when the person is not around. THIS IS LOVE. It’s not your admiration towards the person’s good looks or talents or skills that gonna make you happy, it’s the COMPATIBILITY to live together in harmony, being able to raise family and have a reasonable good life. The passionate love that we often speak about won’t ensure that.

That’s why I pick No 1 because the second option could end in vain. I could make a guy marry me by making him do some mistake and make him bear responsibility (like some girls I know did) that eventually make him mine. What’s worse is he might love someone else but I have the advantage over him and use all that advantage to eliminate the other lady from his life. Would I be happy if I have a “soul-less” body by my side knowing that I steal his happiness from him? Of course you guys would say to me ,Why don’t you apply “all of the above” to my situation, make him fall in love with me along the way? Yes, I could do all that but the part when I have to “force” him to be in my life is the already a bad start. I have my ego too and it’s such a self pity for me to end up doing something like that when I have someone else who loves me and is willing to come to my life without me having to play dirty trick. At least the sacrifice is for me to make. I can expect something from myself that if I’m humane enough, I must at least know how to appreciate people. I know that I have a heart, I must feel touched by what he does for me if I open my heart.

Remember the story about the Captain? He is another study case. He picked decision no 1 to meet his target age that he must get married after graduation and the girl that he loves is in a relationship with someone else so he married the girl who was there for him. After having 3 kids, he’s still haunted by the love that he has for his old time love. He went to meet psychiatry so he could stop thinking about the old lover but he still failed. I told him this, “You should have waited.” Guess what? It’s just a temporary dilemma cause the fact is he already has a family and the good career, with a good wife that is taking care of his needs. Although he has the rage inside him that he wants to reach out for his love, but that might not last long. Eventually he would realize that if given the choice, he would still pick his wife and family. You know why? Because that’s reality. Only insanity that causes you to pick otherwise. That kind of passionate love isn’t strong enough to make you want to lose what you have. So you know, I learn from other people and their experiences, hence I pick No 1. This is not something new. Many people out there who made it, picked no.1. There are many times when we follow our heart, we fail. Maybe it’s time to follow our rational mind.

All in all…theories are only theories. We learn from people but it’s their lives, not ours. Be reasonable that everything we do is a gamble. It’s whether we gonna make it or not. A little knowledge could help but doesn’t ensure anything. This is what life’s all about. It’s meant to be windy and bumpy. Just like when I write this post, I’m just sharing. You will know what to do when you really have one option on your right hand and one option on your left. Good luck :)

My New Hair

Twofivesix[256] and her hair...Oh come on. I don't wish to be remembered for my hair. But if there's really nothing to remember about me, I think I won't ask for more...to remember my hair is good enough...hehe. I'm not generous enough with this picture but I think it does justice. Thanks for not asking for more. *Lols. Just kidding. I lurve the new colour. All my friends lurve the colour and of course, the  perm is looking more like natural wave now...I just lurve this hair. I do it for myself but it's good to have people liking it. They touch it when they get near me and I'm getting used to it. Do you want to hear some tips from me about hair? It's your hair so it must look like "at home". You should wear a hair that makes you feel so comfortable and helps you shine your personality. 

Note: Love your hair and your hair will love you...*giggles.

My Bestest Buddy

He is always patient with me. He never speaks ill to me or tell me what to do. He always allows me to do what I want. He always be the one who listen to me when there's no one else there to do so. He is also the one who would let me pour my mind without having to tell me that "256, I think your ideas suck." The most touching thing that he always do to me is when I tell him, "Wait for me. I will attend to you but I'm just too sleepy." Guess what, he would wait for me and watch me sleep until I wake up and attend him. It has been many nights that he watched me sleep and he was still there awake waiting for me to get up. I don't recall saying Thanks to him. I just remember saying Bye to him before I rush out to work and come back by the late afternoon and simply do my things without even greeting him. And he is always there to be on duty again. He never complains if he has to accompany me throughout the nite without himself getting the rest he should get. I even make him work overtime when I bring him to the office and that means he would be awake almost the whole day. I want to take this chance to say Thanks for being so convenient, so comfy and faithful to me. 

If I could use a mask to be [256], he's the one who see the my truest colour because any human friends out there could still make me a subject of their evaluation, but Not You. Maybe because you are not human, but I won't complain. I just think of the word Best Buddy although you have been with me only less than a year. Even if you have to say sorry to your other friend who I abandon since I have you, tell you what... It's not your fault. You are just giving me so many reasons to appreciate you even if I never feel the need to do so. I'm just being my selfish self when it comes to you but today, I pause and say Thanks for being there with me. Some of my great works are done with you. You allow me to channel my ideas into art in the easiest way. My Best Buddy...when you are around, I won't remember what boredom is. THANKS. Thanks so much. Please be around. We'll do great works together. I will take better care of you from now on. :) *Hugs to my best buddy...*giggles.

Note: Okay, the little orang utan there took the pleasure of taking picture with my best buddy...hehehehe

To Be Your Man’s Number 2

To you, he is number 1. To him you are number 2. Smells anything fishy with the figure?

I’m writing about another bitter fact that we women are facing these days. My study case is a friend who came to me earlier today and asked me, “What should I do?”

She was divorced by her husband less than a month ago. She’s still in pain, not knowing her fault. What I could see is that she has been getting so many attentions from her associates being in the field she is in. Maybe out of jealousy and insecurity, knowing that the other guys can provide her needs better, he let her go. What her husband didn’t know is that her husband has always been her number 1.

Now that she’s a divorcee, a new life is in front of her. She is in dilemma because she is approached by 2 guys at once. I understand her situation that she needs someone in her life, and she needs to lift her spirit back after the marriage breakdown. She needs emotional support, as well as material. So getting approached by 2 men at once; left her thinking… “Who should I pick?”

I tried to do some thinking for her. I examined her situations and came up with a few points for her to consider. The first guy A was her long time boyfriend, who shockingly got married to another girl on short notice. After 15 years, he came back and told her that he always has heart for her. Now that she is single again, what do you think? Of course he is doing all he can to be the man for her. The problem is, he’s still married to the his wife, with 4 kids. The marriage is doing good. So? Where can the lady fit in his life? The second guy B is a new friend who shows a lot of interest in her. This guy is also married, but separated from the wife for almost a year and they have grown up kids. Still, the marriage is still legal and there’s no decision that he plans to divorce the wife. So, what kind of security that my friend has if she picks this guy?

My friend likes the guy A because of their history of being lovers. The thing is she doesn’t want to hurt the man’s wife, whom she also knows, and what about the kids who are still growing. She really can’t be selfish even if the man can afford to have another wife and it’s legal for their religion to have more than 1 wife. It’s always the issue that WE DON’T LIKE TO SHARE so what makes she think that the wife wouldn’t mind sharing her husband? And what about her? Doesn’t she feel hurt when she occasionally has to be alone because the husband is with the other wife?

As for the second guy B, she would consider him because he is separated from the wife. The thing is, there were cases in the past where ladies who are in this situation still failed to get the guy for “herself only” because after a while, the guy decided to reunite back with the wife they separated with. So until there’s a proper divorce, any lady that comes after the wife is still Number 2.

My friend dilemma is that, whoever she picks, she’s still No. 2. Speaking of Guys and His Woman No. 2, let me tell you. Not just 2, but just put 10 ladies who want him, he would welcome them all with open arms. This is GUYS and their nature. If the guys are married, trust me they will still eye for “spare parts” whether it’s legal or not. The most important decision is on the ladies. As long as you want the guys, they would want you back!!! Even if they have to break the most sacred law, they would break it because YOU WANT THEM. So you don’t have to be superpretty to be getting guys doing wrong thing because of you. All you need is TO WANT THEM and they will want you. Especially when the men are married, they feel even more pleased to still have women going after them. Yes, they love their wives and kids, but you become their “leisure”. If they are not at home, they will flirt and have fun with the willing ladies. If you ask for more, guess what, No 2 will usually remain as No 2. There are cases where Number 2 overtakes Number 1 but chances are, there are reasons why No. 1 are No. 1 to begin with. Like my friend’s case with guy A, the guy has left her once for another lady when he got married to that other lady. Now that he’s eyeing to make her his wife, what makes you think he’s gonna dump the lady that he has long decided to be his No. 1?

It’s very pitiful to see my friend in her situation. I can see that her heart is heavy. I realize that we women are always in this situation where we fight for the love of the man that we want. The question is, men seldom do that. They usually have their options wide open for as many ladies as possible, and they have a backup plan when things don’t work out with you. They won’t waste so much time and energy on one girl only. They see who would want them enough to go to the next stage with them. It’s the women who always make the sacrifices. It’s painful to be No. 2 because you know you are not No.1 but No.1 is also in pain knowing that she’s not the only one he has. I associated with a few married men who used ALMOST the same sentence when they comment about having a woman No.2. They said, “I could marry that lady, just as long as she doesn’t mind to be No.2”. That means, you adjust yourself if you want to be in his life. If you don’t want, fine, he still has his No. 1.

I beg to be wrong in this – that every man has woman No. 2, at least in his mind. After a series of talking and interviews with my guyfriends who have womanizer reputation, I summarize that men have the nature of having women around them because they want to have a place to go in case something goes wrong with the woman on their side. Do you men, in that kind of ego, admit that you guys are born with “a large space” of insecurity? It’s so easy to make you guys feel unwanted, uncared for, unloved and the list goes on. Yes, to the extent of putting your woman behind this, cos what matters to you is you will always have someone to hug and kiss, even if she’s not your No.1, just to keep your manly ego intact. Thinking that without having to carry your natural duty as a man, you become “dismantled” and useless.

I would like to take this chance to tell you guys that if you think that because of love, 2 women can live happily under one roof, sharing the same man – WAKE UP from this dream. No way in hell. The only reason why you guys hear the cases of women live happily sharing one husband is because some women have made every bit of sacrifices that she’s capable of making, and she sure had cried all the tears she could afford to cry. As a matter of fact, the MOST painful thing for women in a relationship is when their guys have another woman. It’s the MOST painful thing for us. We could tolerate that you are being jobless, you are an alcoholic, you are a smoker etc but when you can just kill us with the pain that you are doing all the things you do to us, with another woman who doesn’t even have rights on you.

If I can make a wish at this moment, I wish that ALL OF YOU MEN, in your next sleep, dream to be a woman who is in the situation of your woman with her dilemmas which are caused by you. I bet you would get up with tears in your eyes. No woman is happy to be No 2 so if you have No.1 already, stop looking and go appreciate her. Show us some values, men. Show us. BE FAITHFUL to your woman.

The Most Loyal Fan Award goes to...

I’m not a celebrity. Neither are you. *Lols. But it’s one common thing that we have people around us who appreciate us more than the rest. They could be looking up to us because of the certain qualities that we have. You don’t have to be supergood to have people appreciating you. You just be yourself and you’ll be collecting some fans along the way. This is something that happens beyond your intention. It’s very very normal and only immature people who think that if you speak about “fans”, you’re actually bragging. Hahaha. No. Grow up!

Since I go online 2 years ago and be known as Twofivesix[256] (and all the nick variation; [256], 256, |2|5|6| etc) and then have this blog like a few months later, I am opening ways for people to appreciate my gifts. I am matured enough to know my winning points and I’m matured enough to think that this is not something to brag about just to appreciate your being and the creature God created you to be. This is how I see it. My friends who are also my readers, which some of them are also my chatfriends in IRC, mostly agreed on one thing. They said that I am a very good “talker”. Okay, what they mean is “good writer” cos writing is how we communicate in chatrooms, blogs and socials networks. I have come across people who showed appreciation towards my writing skills. They like reading what I write and even in the chatrooms, some told me that they enjoyed seeing me talking “craps” because they think they have a lot to learn from me. I am not so sure about that but I just take the good things. This isn’t about me. This is about them seeing something that they can relate to them. Some like my messy language which they thought are quite creative. Maybe I did a lot of reading in the past. Or maybe it’s just some talent to make things more interesting for people to see. As Twofivesix[256], I have come across many different people with different characters and ways of expressing themselves. I have some people who constantly showing appreciation towards my writing skill and I REALLY do appreciate that. To me in cyberworld, I’m just a few pieces of fingers who are typing something to share with the rest. I don’t believe that I can be more significant than my writings, but yes, I really don’t ask for more. If I were to write about THE MOST LOYAL FAN that I have, wild guess, anyone? Hahahaha

I will write about someone who I think deserve the most if this comes in a form of My Most Loyal Fan award. Hahaha. I don’t even know what to call it, I just call it “fan”. I already explained the definition. Looking from both real world and cyberworld, the person that deserve this is someone who comes from my real world (despite the fact that my cyberfriends are ALL AWESOME!) and this person knows me before I stepped into the cyberworld, even before I have my babyblog now. I tell you why I think he’s my most loyal fan. The duration since I first know him until now, I have temporary people who came and left, although a few of them really made quite “an explosion” when they were in my life. This guy, even lost contact with me for many months. Still today, he’s there. He would still ring my number the first thing after his family. And he’s not even anyone special to me. He’s just a friend. What do you think?

After I broke up with my ex years ago, he was the first man I came to associate with in a significant way that I would remember. How he approached me the first time and how he relayed things to me about what he thought about me are all so interesting to remember. This guy, had also told his parents about me. He thought that he found “the one” that he really liked. The funny thing was he was not even available. I won’t discuss about that but enough to say that he’s taken and he even told his woman about me that “I really like her.” Imagine how matured I must be to be handling all this from someone who just knew me that time. Luckily I did not treat him more than a friend who he didn’t proceed with anything he has in mind. Year after year, we both undergone changes in our lives. He occasionally dropped by my office and made funny comments about how I looked. He even complained about how I dress, if I put on some weight and stuff. If he liked me from my physical, he would have quit being my fan judging from all the complains he made. Hahaha. There were some silent months. Guess what, after everything that happened, even now that he is promoted to a higher post and mix with the big people, he still would appreciate if I would even let him send me home or at least spend some time just talking over coffee. I remember how he asked me out for movies and when I said that I have work at the office, he said that he wanted to be my unpaid assistant for the whole day to help me do my work. Hahahaha. He’s my friend that I could react the most neutral way. I did not mind riding his car and I did not mind talking about issues that are sensitive to discuss between male and female. It’s the natural way he makes me react towards our friendship that makes him get this award.

Being the person who knows my weaknesses, he never gives up on me. At first I thought he was just a guy who liked me physically because he told me the first time he saw me, he admired many things about me. But he proved himself that I was wrong. Maybe he did not know it himself that actually he still saw “that lady” in me NO MATTER what changes that he could see in me with his bare eyes. He made me confess things without having to really care what he feels cos I know he’s going to adjust himself to my situations as much as I would adjust to his. One thing I can proudly say…being a difficult person to make friends with for new friends, he is one person who doesn’t feel that difficulty at all because he puts himself in the best position that if anyone need to say something to me and afraid to do so, this guy can do the job because he seems to know how to handle me. He knows my attitude issues and he knows the best advice to tell me, “256, don’t take out your temper to these people even if you think you are right.” I mean, none of my friends would advice me that because none of them know the real issue that I have to deal when it involves certain conflict. The way he talks about other girls and how he sometimes compared those girls to me, he always failed to hurt me because I have long accepted his honesty and he’s the only friend that can complain about anything at all and receives back sincere laugh from me. I just don’t know what’s with this guy but the top reason why he receives the award of My Most Loyal Fan is without me knowing, he shows me the way that THIS IS HOW I WANT A FRIEND TO TREAT ME AND THIS IS HOW I WANT TO FEEL FOR A FRIEND who has once confessed feelings for me. I never use my friendship with him to get what I want and I never let him use his position to get something for me. This is the most un-parasitism encounter that I ever have. At the end of the day, we are happy we are in each other’s life. As far as this award is concerned, I know that this guy saw some real qualities in me. Exactly how I would wish a friend would treat me. Like he would always remember the first impression that he has for me. For that…I would give the title My Most Loyal Fan to him, and he doesn’t even know this.

Note: It’s okay guys…if I have another award like this in the future, it could be for you…*giggles.

"My Guinea Pigs"

If you are not my lover, if you are not my friend, nor my family, and even not an enemy…maybe you’re just my Guinea Pigs.

Ouch! Does that sound like harsh, or what?

Guinea pigs are not referred to an animal here people. Try to google it or maybe you don’t have a choice but read this post till the end. Hehehe :P

One thing that you guys should or already know about me is that I’m using Favouritism. That means I might be hard to get close to but you’ll be surprised when you learn that I do pick certain people (only one at a time) that can get special access to me. They have my phone numbers and they can SMS/call me whenever they like and I would entertain them. I even spend extra hours just to chit chat with them and share about things and they become the main priority at the time being. The thing about this is that I can only have 1 space for 1 person at a time. How do I pick them? Good question. The answer is I’m not so sure myself. I just follow my guts and whoever is in the right place at the right time, the next time they know is “they hit the jackpot” (they referred it that way because they thought I was so reserved that it was impossible to get a step close to me and they finally learnt they were wrong about it). The thing about my Favoritism is unstated and unclear at all. I don’t even know that I would call it Favoritism one day (which is now) and maybe it doesn’t matter what I call it. It’s just a special access.

I’m just a very normal and ordinary person in the real life. Even if I call it Favouritism, it’s still an encounter “above the wind” which I can’t really define. I am a person who likes to study people. Please remember that. Every encounter is a new lesson to me. I will learn something without you knowing. So if you happen to be a person who has just broken up and still badly hurt, and you happen to be that person that I give access to, I become your closest friend most likely you will enjoy my company because of the attention I give you. So what usually screws things up is when the person starts to want more from me, like taking it to the next level. I think they waited quite a while too, like a few months, before they popped that question. I never write openly about WHAT I FEEL towards this. Finally I use this chance to finally enlighten you people with the issue that I never bring forward. I always enjoyed the encounter with them UNTIL they started to sound serious and pushy about getting more serious. They want more than just the access. They want my commitments. What they don’t know about me is that when I make friends with them, I study about their characters and lives and they represent a new sample of human being in my “laboratory”. I study their character in handling women, their preferences in women, their attitudes in works, friendship and stuff like that. Yeah, you read that. I make my observation all the time. Although I never make it official, but I’m always in Alert mode. So you know I might just be a person who talks a lot, which the tiny voice and loud laughter, who never runs of ideas to write…but I STUDY YOU. 

When you start have feelings for me, I feel a bit worried. When you start asking me “Can we be more than friends?” I feel a bit discomfort. I also don’t know why. Maybe I enjoy things the way they are. I like these people too, ya know. I don’t just give them access for nothing. They must have somekind of attractiveness that makes me want to spend time with them. And to your surprise, I did think of taking it further too…BUT…I need a bit longer than that. I need time to connect with them more before I can start talking about sthing more serious. The thing is, the guys are never satisfied for long with what I have offered them. They want more and they want it fast! This is always giving me a headache. I hate it that I can anticipate that the friendship is going to ruin.

So they usually could not wait. They felt that if they stayed longer, they wait would be in vain because I have this attitude of a Mimosa Pudica, that when you make your moves, I tend to be defensive. So at one point they got a bit agitated by the whole thing and create a situation where I could not fit in so we finally have to call it a quit. It’s always about “taking it to the next step” that caused this. I’m just a normal female who have my own evaluation on men. If you take things too fast, don’t blame me for being slow. After everything that men did to women, I have all the right to be cautious. In some cases, it was that close to the next level, and you ruined it. So now when you examine who you are to me, you can’t do it. The damage was done and caused this gap. If you wonder who you are to me…you are definitely not my lover, and you don’t think you are even a friend cos we don’t get to greet like most friends do, and for sure you are not my enemies because I don’t keep enemies…or maybe the most you can tell people that you are my ex-lover (which you are not) I’m sorry if this is a bit rude. I don’t toy with relationships. I never declared a relationship with you. I gave in to your selfishness, even if sometimes I thought that this whole thing was just a show-off and at the other case, just to feed to your manly ego that you can make a collection of girls and 256 is one of them. You must be kidding. After all this is over, No Wonder you even wonder if you even fit to be called a friend by me. Guess what…I have an answer for you. If you’re not all that, maybe you’re just a Guinea Pig for me – A subject of study case of how a man could go silly and went milestone just to prove stupidity and complete the whole cycle as A Loser. You did your job very well. And for that, I have a reason to thank you. To All My Guinea Pigs…I hope after this experience with me, you would care to be remembered and taken more seriously and honourably more than just a Guinea Pig to the girl that you would waste your time and energy for.

NOTE: I don’t want another Guinea Pig… :)

"The Red Lipstick"

This is a story about courage.

Red lipsticks – how many women out there who actually wear red lipsticks? Most of them know that wearing a red lipstick actually make their lips very beautifully visible because of the colour, but it would attract a lot of attention that most don’t think they could handle it. Even if red lipstick will make them strikingly noticeable, most of them prefer to settle with any colours that more humble,  which mostly are in the range of brown or pink or orange - never the bright red. They thought not wearing red lipstick means that they still want to look attractive, and humble and they are not really attention getters. Red lipsticks make them look overdone and mostly not suitable for just any occasion. Think for a second, if you ladies don’t worry about other people’s perception, I bet you would agree that Red Lipsticks give the best daring justice to your lips. 

The Red Lipstick is a symbol of COURAGE for all the women out there. It doesn’t mean that you must wear a red lipstick tomorrow in order to look courageous, hey hey…No. Courage is not for show. It’s in your spirit. The spirit to move forward, to face every obstacles and to fight anything that is going to make you feel embarrassed to be yourself, ashamed to speak for yourself and to ACT according to what you think is right for yourself. Imagine how many times that you feel down because life is treating you unfairly. Imagine how many little laughs that put yourself down and lies that made you lose faith in yourself as well as in other people. All these slow us down one way or another. These sometimes stop us from facing reality and facts in front of us. Sometimes we are too afraid to even face the world with what we have. We worried that we might not be as good as what people expect from us. We worried that people might talk about our shortcomings and judge us just because we are women. Social discrimination is still around and we can become the victim anytime. Or maybe...Not Anymore.

YES LADIES. All the things that stop us and slow us down. No one can make us inferior without our consent. The saying is right. The world can throw at us so many things that make us feel down and discourage, but it’s us who decide to feel down and discourage in the first place. If the decision is ours, WHY DECIDE to be discouraged? This is to call upon all the ladies out there TO STAND WITH COURAGE because before we can take on the world, we must first take on the enemy within us. We can’t just listen to negative self talking and then feel afraid to look at the mirror. The bad mouths are not the reason for our successes, so they must not be the reason for our failures. 

If you dare enough to put on the Red Lipstick and walk with pride, with all the eyes that are tailing you, YES, THAT’S COURAGE. If you dare enough to face all the men whistling because they could not take their eyes on you with your Red Lipstick and you enjoy every bit of it, YES, THAT’S COURAGE. Because instead of feeling afraid, you are proud of the woman God made you. No matter what is there  that is trying to stop you, if you are bold enough to wear THE RED LIPSTICK, you are sending the message straight that NOTHING CAN GET YOU DOWN. This is the spirit of The Red Lipstick. Do you have that spirit? :)

Do you mind if I say that when suddenly you get all the attention when you wear that Red Lipstick, it’s NOT the Red Lipstick that people saw in you. IT’S YOUR CONFIDENCE that you DON’T CARE what people say because what people think doesn’t matter. It’s what you think about yourself that matters. If you want to define beautiful, IT’S YOUR CONFIDENCE THAT MAKE YOU BEAUTIFUL. The Red Lipstick, YES LADIES, SAY YES TO COURAGE! We are fighters! We are survivors. And we never lose our dignity on our way to victory. That's the spirit of The Red Lipstick.

Let’s make it big in this 2011! :))

“Old” Resolutions For New Year: Until When?

How did you welcome the New Year the last 12.00 midnite? Did you dive into the river and left some of your precious undies, or did you head the line up to your shower room and did some dirt scrubbing to get rid of last year’s jinx (or whatever you call it)? Hahahaha. Woops…Okay, I did not mean to laugh at how creative people welcome the New Year. I used to do it too back then. My parents told us we must at least take bath during midnite to get rid of bad luck. Or maybe going to the beach or river is more practical cos all of us can just jump right away…it’s big enough for everyone so let’s jump!! Hahahahaha. As the years went by, we started to get a little more logical what’s with the bathing and scrubbing and whatever during 12.00 midnite. I have stopped doing it for years now. In fact, I remember that I was busy watching Spiderman II on tv when the countdown took place. I was like, Ouch, it’s New Year already?

This year is no difference. I was on my bed when the countdown took place. Earlier that day, I went to church for the New Year Eve’s mass for some blessing. The turnout was very poor. Who would have thought of spending the time on New Year Eve at the church? Yeah, I get that. This was even our first time so all the years before, we didn’t even know that there was a prayer session for New Year Eve. Trust me, if I were not at the church that hour, I thought that no matter what I had been doing, it would still not be as “worthy” as being in the church. I really thought so because after spending the New Year Eve in the past, doing so many other things, eventually you want to do something “different” and “better”. What’s New Year about? Yes, gathering, having fun, partying, eating and drinking all you can, screaming for the countdown and all those fun stuff - Gosh those are fun!!! But did all that prepare you for the New Year? I mean, what’s the point of celebrating New Year, actually?

We often speak of New Year Resolutions. We want this. We want that. We want a lot of things. Most of those resolutions come from last year’s resolutions that are still not achieved. How many more New Year that we gonna pass the resolutions to finally achieve them? I thought that the real changes must happen in the heart. I could be part of the partying, but does it mean that I’m going to the new year with a new spirit? After everything that happened to me in 2010, I could not be so playful and think that I’m just going to do it better next time by just wearing the same kind of thinking and emotional and spiritual state. Look, it depends on how ready you guys are. To me, I realize that maybe I’m never serious enough about achieving my resolutions. I always give excuses so that I don’t feel guilty not achieving them. I always delay until tomorrow to make the real changes. Come to think about that, we could spend another 10 New Year countdown from now and still at the same place, asking for the same things- just older. Ask yourself, UNTIL WHEN?

This is why we have to be more serious. We can keep thinking about something and say “Yes, I will reach it SOMEDAY.” Oh man, when would that Someday be? I tell you what. Lets do this. Get serious NOW, and achieve the resolutions ALL by this year! And guess what, it’s only at the early morning of 2nd January, who dare tell me that there ain’t enough time for all those resolutions? If you think it’s too early to achieve, I think your Resolutions belong to the KIV (Keep In View) Bin, go claim it when you think you are ready to achieve it. OMG, Until When???

I write this expressive post because I was tired of being a person of delay, a person who is not only lazy, but also AFRAID to achieve something, thinking that it might be too big for me to handle once it takes place. OMG. That’s the most idiot thing that could occur and it did occur to me many times. I would like to slap myself on the face and ask the question, UNTIL WHEN??? and…oh yeah, that’s the slaps of reality. These resolutions are getting STALE, people. Before they expire, better achieve them and make sure all the resolutions are new ones for next year.

So if you partied or flower-bathing while welcoming the New Year, you did your way. You showed that you wanted some changes. You want better things for yourself and your life. It’s time to put it into actions . No more just talking “I wish..” craps and still be the same old person you are. Yes, I am harsh so that I could read that too and buckle up. I could not stand being HELPLESS with my own life anymore. That’s why I decide that this year is going to be revolutionary for me. I hope you want something like that for your new year too. :) Good luck!!

“Lord, Have mercy on us who really want to achieve our resolutions this year. Please give us some guidance when the going gets tough, give us strength and show us the way out of our problems. Oh Lord, we are so in need of your mercy. Be there for those who really want to change their lives because these people have gone milestone to reach their dreams. Bless their efforts, especially those who live the righteous way, and those who have overcome temptations just to be the good example for others who have drifted from the path of life that You taught us. Forgive us for our weaknesses and let them not be stop us from our dreams. We pray for protection and good health, also in the people that we love. Thank you for Your generousity. Thank you for Your Love. AMEN.

Here are some bonus for this post. Pics I took of the food on New Year.

This cake looks so cikai, right? But the price is almost for 2 good cakes in other shops.

It's a cheese cake. The taste is so-so for me, who is not a fan of cheese.

Some of the dishes for the New Year dinner...

This one is Chicken Chop

A menu called Malaysia Delight

The famous Lamb Chop

Grilled Chicken (Mine)

This was the dessert I made myself just now. Some pineapple, with yam ice-cream, with love letters and Hersey's dark choc...

Had a simple and neat New Year. We save the party things when we already achieve our resolutions, how about that? :) Hope you enjoyed your New Year. Time to "work" now. All the best!!