You Jadi Baik Untuk Siapa?

A few days ago, I hanged out with this guyfriend of mine. We have not talked for months and the last time when we really spent quality time hearing and sharing about our views was a few years ago. So when we finally got to talk, we talk about so many things and we found out that many things have changed with each other’s life.

When I first knew him, he was just a normal officer. Now he is the boss of his department despite being among the youngest. His schedule has changed and the people that he mixed with have also changed. He mingles with the YBs and Datuks most of the time. The hangout places are usually pubs and exclusive nightclubs. Now I understand what he meant the other day when he said he seldom have time to meet “normal people like me” because he mixes with a totally new crowd now. The last time, he used to work at the district far from KK so his social exposure wasn’t that much. Now I learnt that he becomes the opposite. Drinking and having fun at the club is now part of his routine. He used to hang out until morning with GROs around him since that it’s the routine for the YBs but he claimed that he never took the advantage of the GROs because that kind of lifestyle was new to him and he thought that it was a bit too extreme for someone like him, who was raised with traditional lifestyles by ancient parents. 

He told me a few incidents when he ALMOST went ahead with it. There was one incident when he almost trapped in it when his friend paid for the “special massage service” and he thought it was really a massage service but found out later that he got himself in a room about to get a sex service from this young China girl. Luckily his mind was quicker when he thought about what kind of disease that this could cause him so he just refused to carry on and left the room.

He agreed with me when I said that he could be getting more and more in the future. He admitted it too that he thought that He Might just go ahead with it in the future if opportunities keep coming in front of him. I reminded him a few things. “If you do it, it’s just a few seconds release but think about what’s gonna “stay” with you. I’m not sure about men, but if I were you, I’m not sure if I could look at the mirror the same way again. What about self respect. What about principle. You talk about some bad and nasty men and guess what, finally you’re just one of them.”

“It’s not hard to be bad. It’s so easy. Just follow your desire and viola, you’re already bad. It’s so easy to say yes to temptations and because it’s easy, almost everyone said yes and how easy it is to be one of them. So no one will wonder How did you do it because you don’t need that freaking brain to be bad. What people would wonder is How did you manage to remain good and righteous after many temptations come to you with all your human natures saying all kind of sweet words for you to just accept things and Be One Of Them. It’s up to you. It’s your life, it’s your body. Maybe you’re worried that this will tarnish your reputation if you become one bad example to your inferiors, or anyone who knows you could catch you in the act and spread the story or maybe you just want to prove to your VIP friends that you’re not like them so that you could be seen as a hero.”

I continued. “Look, I can tell everyone that I’m a good person. I don’t drink. I don’t go clubbing. I don’t mix with strangers. I don’t go out at night and the list goes on. What makes you think they gonna believe me? Maybe they judge me from the way I dress or talk, “Nahhh she must be bluffing”. So my point is, even how hard I try to tell people that I’m this or that, They still won’t just buy it. They don’t care if I’m telling the truth cos doubting is more fun to do. So now, I don’t have believers or alibis that I am really good because they are not there with me all the time to see if I’m exactly like what I claimed to be. SO WHAT? I know who I am. I know what I have done and what I have not done. That’s all I need. I don’t freaking care if NOBODY would agree to say that I’m good cos I DON’T BECOME GOOD FOR THEM or just to get good review of testimony from them. This isn’t about ANYBODY else. It’s about me. It’s a choice of how to live life. I think that to be bad is so easy, why don’t I challenge myself that I could beat the odds? I could be different and if I get to prove it, I don’t need a freaking alibi as long as I know it, from my intention to my action – IT’S A PERSONAL ACHIEVEMENT and the rest is bonus. In your case, at least you keep yourself away from any risk of STD or HIV and I’m sure your future family would thank you for that. So don’t look for the reason in others WHY you should refuse all the temptations because being someone good is not a show-off cos nobody is buying it. Anyway beside you, one person gonna be happy to and that’s God. So what do you say?”

He just nodded and I did not expect him to agree with me because my philosophies are sometimes too old-fashioned to even breathe in this urbanized nation. I don’t care. It’s a personal thing. No one would be there to clap hands for you everyone you get pass a temptation to be bad. My advise is start to value yourself more than others cos what others say or think about you is NOTHING compared to how you respect yourself cos no one knows you better than your own self. So, what I’m saying is that to become good is not just hard, but you also have to make it worthwhile. If to become good needs a lot of sacrifices , then go ahead why don’t make it a revolutionary one :)

Let’s do it :)