It's been A Week...since my second "attack" took place. Only today I have the courage to tell a friend about the incident. All this time she thought this was the normal kind of "stress". People misunderstood my condition and made their own conclusion, some even thought they knew better.
On Sunday, I challenged myself to sit at the church as early as 7 AM. I broke my routine. I did feel some discomfort. Enough for me to grab the oil and rubbed it to my neck which is among my ritual during the sickness. I gotta distract whatever discomfort that was. I was a bit panicked that another "attack" might take place and force me to stand up and go out from the church. But No. Just one discomfort that it went off. I managed to stay inside the church until the mass ended at 9 something. Still I knew I was not very well, but the progress was at 50%. It was very enlightening actually. I spent the rest of the day at home, doing some pc work, doing some craft work, until it was evening, I started to feel a bit "restless". I watched some Korea movie downstairs. I should highlight something. My head started to feel "different". No more very heavy load up there.
Yesterday was the first day of the week. I woke up with "a new head". It felt so light. So so light. I finally felt to be wearing my real own head again. At last. But I was still nervous. Remember I mistaken to be totally healed a day before the second attack. I must not celebrate too early. During the day at work, I experienced minor dizziness but dizziness that not like the "traumatic ones" I had. This one felt normal but still I could feel I was not totally alright. I still felt nervous and uncertain about my body. I had a good nite sleep as early as before 8 PM (something I never did during the sickness).
Today... This morning I woke up feeling 80%. My head again is getting lighter. WOWW. Wowww. Such an amazing feeling. Because I once thought I was never gonna get my old healthy condition again. I really thought so because of the drastic changes since that Ash Wednesday. This time I was careful and not try to rush my recovery. My mom repeatedly told me, "You don't just heal in one day. It takes days and it's okay to just feel slightly a bit of changes but the day will come when you gonna be healthy again". I almost didn't buy it because like I told you, I didn't know myself anymore, I couldn't guess that much. At work today, surprisingly this time I was genuinely "well". No forcing at all. When my friends came and started talking their daily thing, woww, I was not burdened any longer. I could listen, I could respond, I could react, Ah, I feel so much like 256 again. The rest of the day, garsh, I tell you, I'm feeling like I'm really 256 again. I could go grocery shopping without feeling like I was suffocating in the middle of crowd, I could take my sweet time picking what I wanted, my steps, my legs, they were again very sturdy. Didn't I tell you during the sickness, I felt like losing balance and sometimes needed a support so I could walk properly? Again, I was not too quick to celebrate. I bought stuff to cook at home. I was challenging myself once again to endure cooking something nice so I could feed everyone. That's what the original 256 always does. She loves to cook for everyone. So I did the cooking happily, and ate happily, took my shower, did the laundry, wash my long hair with much bubbles, enjoying the scents of the new shampoo, Ah, I love life. So here I am typing all this. I feel like the road to recovery is coming to its destination.
I still couldn't believe it actually. The past two weeks were so torturing. I thought I was gonna take longer to heal because I didn't really take any medication. Could I even heal at all? That was a valid question that time. The only thing I've been taking is this supplement called Zembren that cost RM150. Not sure if that actually helped anything. Because even the high-blood 5mg pill the doctor forcefully gave me was not even helping anything. Now my blood pressure was just around 124/80. I'm not entitled to even take medicine and I achieved those readings even after tossing the pills away. No wonder the doctor suggested 2 weeks to really get a reliable readings. Because right now, I felt like a different person than the one who went to the doctor. Things have changed since my visit. So should I just come and chit chat with the doctor how I heal myself? Probably.
But this must continue. I want to use this experience to be able to help people who might face the same symptoms. There are a lot of people like me, wearing a tough shield. I'm not surprised people don't ask me if I'm okay. They assume I'm always okay. Do you know that people like me work harder to have that kind of strength. We need to be doubly positive, the drive to live has to be 2 times greater before we can appear as this individual that people think "can handle it all". We will be liked and adored for that when actually we are weaker than most of you. Yeah, read that again.
Thank you for all those who are concerned.
256, for the sake of everyone, please be 100% again. Soon.
Thank you Lord.
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