"Friends With Benefits"

Call it the slang for the urban people. Friends With Benefits according to the movie starred by Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis - is initially about two friends who mutually agree that adding sex to their friendship will not lead to complications since they are Just Friends. My chatfriends called it FB - F*ckBuddies. Garsh, stop teaching me bad words, you people. LOLS. How urban can we be to actually "normalize" this kind of companionship between two people? And in what sense that you think it's okay to apply it in your life after all the eastern and conservative values that our parents taught us when we were growing up?

Okay, yeah this subject is a taboo, it's not openly acceptable in our culture. IT'S NOT. But that doesn't mean people don't do it. As you guess it, I thought about this topic when yesterday, my female friend was telling me stuff about her other female friend, who is married, with 3 teenage daughters, and yeah, she's doing THAT. My friend said to me, 256, THIS IS SECRETTTTTTT. It's very sinful of me to tell another person about this, you are the first one to know!!! That other female is many years our senior but she definitely looking good for her age. Actually, she has been my customer a few times. Complete Islamic image from the outer. With very decent attires, hijab and the first time she spoke to me, Ah, she's considered well-mannered to me. I actually kinda like my first impression of her. When she came to my place, she brought me some extra snack for free. I mean, you know that adab bertandang when you give the host some food out of courtesy. Not many of my customers have it. So okay, I decided I like that lady.

I don't mean to break my word to my friend by blogging about this. As you know I will not include any detail, you won't know this lady since you don't even know me. LOLS. Even if you know me, you will still not know which is the lady. So the only reason why I write this is just to share about something that is happening in the society today, and give some thoughts about it.

The institution of marriage is losing its sacredness, and with the rising of extramarital activities without or with the knowledge of the spouse is just alarming. Do you agree with me that as the world getting older, we are slowly losing our core values. But wait, I don't think people get married just to purposely plan to cheat. I think they get married with the idea they gonna build a family and stick by each other till the end. But then we just never know what happens in the middle. We never know what kind of issue they face. And what kind of temptation. As for this lady, according to my friend, she loses interest in her husband and maybe he could not perform his manly duty, but he fulfills his other responsibility as the breadwinner of the family. She can still say she has a good husband but it's just bedroom issues that she can't tell just anyone. So when her husband worked in a different district and her daughters were staying at the hostel, she had all the freedom and time for herself. Maybe she gave in for the first temptation and then she just got stuck in it. The thing is, she has different guys for that purpose. It's not like she's in a relationship with them. It's a No Strings Attached kinda agreement. It could be with a single man, or with a married man, where it's known to them that she is a married woman. Of course, I didn't believe it at first. No way. I mean, she could do many other crimes but That? The questions like, Serious bah? When did she find time for that? Cos now her husband is transferred to town, he's around and she's no longer so free. But her activities are still going on because she often gives excuses that she wants to meet a friend that her husband knows (my friend is always the victim for this purpose) when actually she is meeting a guy somewhere. Everytime after she did "it", she told my friend about it, but not in a guilty manner. She told it just to have someone to listen and share that experience, the same way she would talk about the experience going to an amusement park, for example. Hehe. Of course my friend doesn't enjoy listening to her stories. Oi, kau masih ada laki bah!!! Tolong lah!

After a while, I asked my friend, What's in the mind of these guys who agree on becoming her Friend with Benefits ah? Don't they have a bit of conscience kah? She's married oh. Her husband is still alive and healthy oh. Of course it's a stupid question, you say. If a woman offers herself, ada buaya mau tolak bangkai ka? Masalahnya kau bukan buaya, kau manusia! Ya la whatever excuse you give about your the desire of the flesh. Ya la we are born to sin. Ya la we are no angels. But guys, don't you want to be "different"? Cos this lady did come across her former lover (before she got married) who actually refused to do it even how she tried to lure him. He said he loved his wife. Garshh, guys, you know it's possible to say No, right? Don't let that lady get in deeper mess. If she keeps meeting the wrong kind of guy, more will get dragged. More people will be wronged. I'm not trying to be a judge here but THINK lah! Try to have some principles, stay away from someone who is under the sacred vow of marriage bah!! PLEASE! 

Actually in my own experience, I did get "invitations" similar to that. There were times I made it clear that I had someone, and still it meant nothing to them. Sometimes they didn't even bother to ask. Maybe it didn't matter to them as long as I might like the idea. I remember the guy said, "You tidak rasa rugi ka you lawa2 untuk one guy saja? Enjoy2 la dulu" OMIGAWD. That means you guys have no rules kan? You guys want to just bulldoze another guy just to have your way. Senang cerita lah. Kau mau ka another guy bikin gitu sama your woman? Oh ya pula. Rules kamu lain. Biar saya buat orang, tapi awas kalau orang buat saya. Kamu tau ba kan dunia ni bulat? 

My point in this post is to state, Yes, the Friends with Benefits companionship does exist in our underrated society. I mean, what you want to do with your life and your body is totally up to you, I KNOW. If the singles-ready-to-mingle want to do it, maybe it's their way of experimenting, experiencing companionship before they are totally prepared for the real emotional attachment, but still that is already out of the conventional rules, guys. Lets not go to the religious law, we are no priests and nuns here but just think about what IS right. I know that love is just too hurtful while sex is still a need. But that game can't continue forever. I still think it's feels right to just have a bit of principle in anything that we do. Including this. ESPECIALLY THIS.

Or my point is just one. PLEASE DON'T CHEAT on your partner. I know the feeling to be cheated, it was horribly hurting. I know that we can't force love to stay. Even chemistry, attractions, happen with the person we find too late or even with the person we can't own. But that doesn't mean we must have our way cos we are not always right with our desire. I don't know cos... again, I'm not in the position to judge. I tell my friend, "We don't know what is actually going on with her marriage. Maybe we haven't done it not because we are good and righteous but because we have not yet been tempted". But logically, if it's so wrong, we sure try everything to avoid it since we are first not friendly with the idea. 

One thing I'm most afraid is when in the end you are the person who is the most hurt, the most used, the most victimized and the most played. You certainly don't want that to happen. Please think carefully before you go out of line. Life is short and it's getting shorter by year. Don't you want to start doing something right? Think about it.