To Know And To Live By His Worth

Sometimes, it takes a tough journey of getting judged and misunderstood, just because you know your worth. 

It took a while for me to see this in a bigger picture. I just take one closest example. My own brother. He used to be very excellent in studies and curriculum too. He was the best student for PMR and then Best Athlete for his school for a few years. As a matter of fact, he used to be seen as The Hero of the family because of his good performance in life. Even as a person, he's so likable, from the school bus driver to his headmaster; everyone liked him. So when he entered uni doing Civil Engineering, life started to throw obstacles to him. Teenagehood is tough for every teenagers. So he got his share of distractions, and didn't manage to do so well for his studies because he did some extra work as a computer technician apprentice and earning good money, when he should be busy doing his revision. Plus, he also involved in the band, which taking jobs to perform around the town. After he graduated, it didn't take long for him to land a job as an engineer. 

So again, no one and nothing is perfect. He seemed to be having trouble and dissatisfaction with his job. He hopped to another better company. A reputable one but to our surprise, it didn't please him too much too to stay longer. He quit the job after 2 years to start his own company doing sub contractor. Well, since when that life is just a smooth and straight journey, right? He made a few big mistakes in his life, things didn't turn out well. He had to stay unemployed for quite some time. This was the time when he faced one of the biggest setbacks in his life. He got married and without a job. That time he was losing one by one of his assets. Our family was in a difficult emotional state just to think about his progression. He became our biggest concerns. We prayed so hard for him and at one time, I was so stuck thinking about how he could go out of his situation. He just refused to take job offers or even apply for jobs. We thought that he had lost his mind for not having the passion to build his life. He was totally stuck and stranded for the reasons we didn't understand. When we told him about some job vacancy, he said, This is the kind of job you ask me to do?" We didn't get it why he rather stay jobless than to just take any of the jobs to fill his free time. My parents were deeply troubled by his attitudes. It took us a while to get consumed in anger and frustration towards his attitudes. He almost even lost his marriage because of it. 

So one day he passed me his resume. He asked me to check it and print it. So when I went through it, I was surprised how I have forgotten that my brother did so well in the past. I forgot how bright he used to be. Suddenly I felt so guilty, cos only then I understand WHY he put a certain standard for himself. He COULD NOT settle for lower than that. Now I realized why he didn't even consider some of our silly suggestions. It was ridiculous for him to take any of the jobs when he could me missing jobs that really need his skills. He believed that opportunities will come anytime. He just got to wait for the right one. 

After a few years of having no official employment, he finally accepted a job with 5 figure salary as a manager for a construction project . It is not an easy job, but that's he's meant to do. After he got the job that he wants, only then the rest of my family understand WHY. Now he had to work till morning, having sunburn because of long hours under the sun - I finally realize that my brother is more than just his failures. His failures don't stop him from Knowing His Worth. It's not necessarily some glamourous job that you sit under the aircond doing nothing. No. He just knows he's that useful he could go around and long hours doing something that worth his hours even if he has to come home smelly from sweat. Sometimes, even if the whole world is against you, only you know yourself the most. I want to thank him for never been shaken by all kinds of bad judgment he got for standing by his decision. If he wasn't as ambitious as he is, I'm sure he'll never get to taste a 5 figure salary cos this kind of jobs are for the people who know they have what it takes to do jobs that not everyone can do. And yes, you have the right to be ambitious and you have the right to go after it. He has his way and kudos for knowing your worth. For all his weaknesses, I can still say "at least, you have this." Imagine all the men who are just plain lazy and depends on the wife to put foods on the table. Failures are not forever.  Know your worth and with the help and mercy from above, He will give us the way to match our determination.  

So guys, this life journey continues. May we have enough strength to face obstacles. Thank you God for this gift of life. Help us to do well in what we do. Amen :)

Faith For Fear Sake, Are You?

Spiritual check, people.

I asked a guyfriend before. "Would you cheat on your girl?" Being a new Christian, he certainly was a bit more careful with his words after he claimed to have received the Holy Spirit in his life and body. "Err No, I don't think I will cheat. " Then I asked, "Why?" He answered, "Cos...God doesn't like it. I will make God angry and I don't want to do that. I fear God's punishment so I will not cheat." It sounded predictable. But it was lack of sincerity, don't you think?

Don't you people know that bad things in this world, are BAD because they are NOT RIGHT to be done? If you kill someone, before you think you gonna offend God, don't you think first that you are taking someone's life? You are taking someone's loved one, and some people gonna lose a family, a friend, a worker? So they are clearly very wrong to do, without even taking God in the picture. And same with stealing, framing people, cheating, all that. I just want to tell you that if you know these things are wrong and you are sincere about being good people, you would still NOT do it even if you are not punishable for it. Even if, God doesn't care or count. But don't you think doing the right thing should be for righteousness sake and NOT fear of punishment? I don't know about you, but I would like to make "righteousness" as part of life. I want to make it as a point of "I WANT" not "I HAVE TO". Darn. Don't you people want to do the same thing too?

I have stopped doing what I am not sincerely into doing, for quite some time now. That's how I have to stop pleasing people at the same time. But all I can guarantee is that, whatever that I do, I won't harm them unless they expect unreasonably from me. So, sometimes I get rebellious when I am stuck in the situation where I am doing something good out of fear. I hate that idea. Please. Make righteousness "An Act of  Freewill" that is not forced by anyone, even by God. I believe that when we do something good out of free will, that's the kind of Faith that matters to God. :)

My Conscience on Google!

The other day, I was trying to surf my blog from my hphone, and I mistakenly typed it in Google search and to my surprise, I saw a long list of links that have links to my blog, credited my blog for images that they used, some even put my blog under some topics, I mean, whatever it is, I don't know that anyone out there actually know the existence of my blog! Seriously. Maybe some of them are people who tried to generate income by pasting links through random blogwalking, or maybe they just visit once by accident and never come back, well, whatever it is, I'm still so surprised cos they are people who are using images from my blog too. Well, who can predict whatever the rest of the billions people do on this Earth, right? Hahahaha. My blog is just too tiny to be noticed but so if you happen to read this, thanks and congrats to you, if you found me, means you have reach one of the rare and isolated places in this world wide web...hehe. Ok kidding. I also saw some free stats service who made analysis on the blogs, and I found out from one of the webs that Doe Zantamata is the main keyword that led people to my blog. Well, Doe, you did my a favour didn't you. Thank you. Hehe.

If you ask me if I would like to make my blog famous, emm..I'll think twice of what to answer. Cos I'm not sure about that. Usually I know that what I like is not always what the majority will like. If you see the most famous blogs around, usually they are sharing things about their lives. Sharing about activities, real pics discussing about event in their lives, I guess that's what people like. It's easier to connect with friends and relatives if you just become who you are in real life. Unlike me who is using different approach. I rather share ideas and opinions, rather than share directly about my life. Lets just put it that I don't really have a fancy life. Or maybe that's just a cover up to protect my privacy. Hehe. I still believe in the idea that I prefer to separate my online world with real world, cos I don't want to sit at the coffee shop talking stuff about my blog, or have people stop by at work and ask me, "Was that topic about me?" Hahaha.I claim my freedom in writing what topics I want. I might quote some people and their situation in my posts, but it's in a way that I can share something good, or something to learn from it. I always keep it anonymous, and mostly I even change a bit of the story, cos my readers don't really mind about the details right. It's about what's the point in the story.

I did occur to me once that what if I change the concept of my blog and start doing it like others do? Well...I still could not pick that option over this one. I think I'll remain this way for now. So guys, for those who are still visiting since 2008 up to now, Kotohuadan or Thank you to you. Feel free to drop by again...:))

When The Mom Is Always Right..

Have you ever found someone whose decision wholly depends on what the mom say? Well, of course you should do that as a kid. You must. But when you grow up, don’t you think it’s time to at least know which direction are you going to, what kind of decision to make and what to say Yes and No to? Would you or would you not agree with me? Or would you answer me, No 256. The heck with what you think. Unless it’s my mom who said it then I’d agree! LOLS…Ah, Seriously?

I have a friend kept telling me about her boyfriend who is “subject to his mom” and she feels like her position is so insecure cos anytime The Queen will give an order and if there’s anything that the mom dislike, she knows her son will Always Agree to her no matter what. Even if he’s unhappy with it. Well, a bit unfair for people like me who is not yet a mom myself to speak of this. I mean, if I were a mom myself, I might understand it in greater value how noble it is for a child to listen to me. I mean, someone who gave birth to you, who breastfed you, took good care of you, sent you to school – should deserve to have that priority right? I know every mom would love to be the son’s number one. They deserve it, I don’t doubt.

At the same time, I don’t doubt that not all moms expect that much from their grown up kids. In fact, some really give that much freedom. They trust their kids with every decisions and they only hope for the best. It must be difficult to be a mom who is paranoid about her kids to be making mistakes. I mean, isn’t mistake part of life? I’m lucky that my mom is not that type. Maybe at some point, she’s trying to have her say but it’s always us who have the last say. But not all are like me. Some are really really About Mom and Mom only. Back to my friend. She notices that her boyfriend is such kind when all his breakups before are because “I don’t think my mom will like her”. And whatever his concerns about their relationship always involves the mom. He’s concerned if the gf is putting on weight thinking that his mom might not like it, or groom less thinking that his mom might not be impressed etc. After putting up with it for a while, she got sick with it. Like really really sick. She couldn’t believe that a grown up guy can’t even decide for himself. And even if his mom’s opinion matters, he should know better what is really right and wrong for him. It’s not like the mom is beside him 24/7 to know what’s going on and to really have the right opinion about the people he mingles with, right? It’s too much when her mom starts deciding who he should date and being really judgmental about every girl that he’s trying to bring home. It got me laughing (and it felt so wrong) when she burst her frustration on that, and said, “As if his mom never makes mistakes. As if his mom is perfect. What, does the mom think her son is “that damn good” that he must not date any ordinary girl, and all must be strictly evaluated by the mom before she’s accepted into the family? Freaking NO. Look at the son. He’s not even rich. Not even close to being handsome or goodlooking. Not even anything but I decide to look at him beyond that and accept his shortcomings. Who’s perfect, right? If his mom keeps butting in, and the next time he brings up any sentence with “My mom thinks that…” I guess he should forget about looking for a lifemate, and go marry her perfect mom!”  Whoa, I know she was so mad but I could not stop laughing because she sorta lost her mind for a while. I think that she’s reached her limit. I understand her pressure. She’s not the first one who got into a troubled relationship which was caused by the partner’s parents.

So okay guys. I don’t know about you. But if you ask me, I’d  like the idea to have the freedom to decide for our own life. Yes, we might make the wrong one, but we will learn from it and that’s what adults do. Taking charge. Be responsible. This won’t degrade who our parents are. Thank them for all the good lessons, and be a good person. But then they must trust you to make your own good decision. J

Note: What kind of mom will you become once you become one? Maybe you can start planning. Hahaha.

Living In Your Friend’s Goodness World

My friend’s opinion is that most people will get their bestfriends from school. The working world is full of backstabbers and friendship for purpose only. If you have something that benefits them, then only they  be nice to you. So is this true in your case?

Come to think about it, it’s the same everywhere we are. At school before, or at work now, even at home, even at the family reunion, it’s always a bunch of people with different nature, attitudes, habits, appearances. The only thing about school is, we know each other at the earlier age. So we get to share things and make memories with each other to bring with us even after graduation. So it’s really not right to generalize people we meet at different age. We cannot run away from dealing with individuals with different personalities, different outlook in life, different way of thinking etc. Question is, are you willing to do that much to start accepting or be accepted by some new good friends?

My opinion is – since we know nobody’s perfect…Accept weaknesses of others, and be gladly to do so even more to those who can accept ours. In my surrounding now, I do have a few people I can sit and chit chat with, I can go to have meals with, I can even share some personal things and secrets too. If you ask me, are they my new bestfriends? It doesn’t matter, right? It’s not about the label. It’s about good company. Knowing them as imperfect humans, after some time, I know their weaknesses and advantages. I had that moments of dissatisfaction towards them, but I put them all in the past. Because of our maturity, we tend not to go to “the weakness area”. We wilI keep that part untouched.  Knowing that everyone have their good sides, always be at THEIR GOODNESS SIDE whenever you have encounters with them. Allow only healthy friendship, good conversation, good laugh, good stories – so you don’t need to always have your good schoolday friends to be there before you can enjoy a good company. That’s more like survival method in the world where you are not living alone. You gotta tap their good nature so you can even help them shine better! It’s no secret but just in case you have not yet started, stop finding faults in people. If they are bad from B-Z, then just mingle at their A zone. The better you can keep good relation with people, the better your days gonna be. Remember, everyone has that good side in them. Bring your good side out, and associate with their good side. Do this and you are one way ahead in making this world a better place for you and me J

The Compulsive Hoarder I Could Become

Read the title. That's what I'm gonna become if I don't try to curb this habit now! Look at where I am. It's always packed with stuff. Look at my office, my room. Goodness gracious! There are so many things in there. If any of you are still puzzled with the meaning of hoarding...in simple words it's the habit of collecting or keeping things, even if they are unnecessary. I mean, from all of your stuff, you are only using 10-20% of it. The rest are just filling the empty space. So does that sound horrible enuff?

Whoaa!! Do I want my place to look like this? I better do something dude!!

That's why I prepare big garbage bags to fill in stuff that I don't find necessary, and get rid of them. I should do this long time ago but as a mini-hoarder (errr...) you must understand that it's not something easy for me. Everything looks valuable to me. If I don't need it now, maybe I might need it next year, or years from now. I'm saving them for things I am not sure of! So you know, when I look at my place, I wonder if that thought of "saving things for when I might need them" is worth it. What I can see is I'm getting lost in the pile of unused stuff. Garsh! This has to change, right? 

So I am done with one full garbage, I have at least another 4. If I can take out 5 garbage bags, I am sure my place will look more practical, more spacious and I guess it will help me to calm my mind better. Hahaha. I guess that changes have to be done - for goodness sake. What about you? Any drastic changes you gonna make in your life for this 2014? It sounds like a good thing if you answer yes. Whatever your plans are, together we gonna materialize them! Good luck, buddies!

Catch The Ball!

That's What Faith Can Do

If Love Is Only Skin Deep…

You guys recall the court case where the hubby sued the wife for faking her beauty? After they have the first child, he questioned why the child is not as good looking as any of them. So he accused the wife of cheating with other man. That’s when the wife had to confess that she went to have plastic surgery a few years back. And that’s how she got her beauty. What do you think when you read about the case? It was crazy, right? I mean, gosh, was there no such thing as genuine feeling involved? Especially when what triggered him was the looks of the poor child. How can you even do this? So after the wife confessed, he sues him and won. Whoa, seriously. Logically, you won’t do that to someone you are married to. Why? Cos I think that after marriage, it’s more about attitudes and compatibility that make you guys happily be together. It’s not about looking like a Miss Universe 24-7. Any good looks are not enough to keep you happy when other things are screwing up.  Helloo reality!

You saw people who you think are average or below average looking, with the special person beside them. There are people who love them despite not being a beauty pageant material. So you know, a lot of people out there know this secret. It might perform some magical moment of first hand attraction when you saw someone appealing, but then it won’t stay for long, just by itself. So these people who are so obsessed with the idea that you must walk beside someone who can make people turn at you and get consumed with jealousy. Come on. Do we still have this species nowadays? Hahaha.

How thick is the skin? It’s just a very thin layer, right. If you love relies on that thin layer, you gonna have episodes of stupid experiences trying to find for the perfect one. Oh come on. You make me go back to the statement of, “as if you are that perfect yourself”. But I don’t want to repeat that (which I just did…LOLS). I want to say Kudos to those perfectionists that I used to know, but come back to me with their new outlook of soulmate. They proved my theory right. You are at the right track! 

Note: Been There, Done That!

Rest In Peace, 2013

How was your 2013? I need to write at least a summary to it. It has been a year full of this and that. I mean, seriously, I can’t say I like everything of the this and that, but I can say I have a fair share of ups and downs. Err… cliché again. Okay, lets get into a bit of detail. I think that we do grow from year to year. Our expectations change. Our outlooks change. A lot of things are just not the same anymore. We have our struggles, works, family, problems - they just make us better.  It’s not the comfort that changes us, it’s the challenges! The most significant thing about 2013 is the year of faith. It ended on November. But I’ve done something during those months, and I do think I embraced a few new things in my life because I have growth spiritually. I’m glad that I did what I do. So no regrets. Of course I’ve done things that I am not proud of, but the rest of the things, I just continue doing what I know best. A test of faith, I can see. That’s what Year of Faith made me survive. I have no regrets. The good things are coming from here onwards. Nothing can make us lost again. We know who guide us. We know which light to follow. We know the route home. We will always be in the right track. Continue our glorious journey for this 2014. God Bless! 

2014, My First and Foremost…

My dear readers, Hello and Hi. So here we are again, breathing fresh air of 2014...

My first post for 2014. I did not even have a finale for my 2013 post. Garsh. Was I that busy? Or just lazy? This has to change, right? So here I am again. Trust me, so many times that I wanted to write, and everytime I failed, imagine what I was losing! It feels like a good melody that cross the songwriter’s mind, hum it  but doesn't have the equipment to record it or write the notes down, the next thing, it’s gone. It’s not cool, right. Ah, this too has to stop. I have to start writing again. There’s sthing in me that start to disconnect from me since I stop writing. I’m not sure what’s that but I’m sure it’s sthing that I like about myself. I have to get it back :)

So, welcome back to the blogger world, 256! 

Note: I miss the days when we got to "meet" often when I was having my crazy-days of blogging everyday. Yeah, I miss those days :))