How Do You Know The Better One?

Recently this guyfriend told his experience trapped between 2 girls. He loved the first one but seldom get to spend time with her. As for the second one, she was around more often so he felt closer to her. His big mistake was when he humiliated the first girl in front of the other friends when he was caught holding hands with the second girl and made everyone bear witness that he picked the second one instead of her. When the first girl asked him to make a choice that crucial time, he spelled the end of their relationship and decided that he wanted to go with the second girl. The kind of rejection that I imagine any girl could not forget for the rest of her life. This incident remains a lesson for the guy because his relationship with the second girl was also short-lived.

So when we finally spoke again about his experience, he told me that if only he could turn back the hands of time, he would stick to the first one. I asked Why? He said, “…because she loves me more. If only I stick to her, maybe we were about to get married now.” He said that the second girl didn’t want a lasting relationship. She only wanted to fool around a bit before she settled with a better guy. When he finally broke up with the second girl, the girl didn’t wait too long to hook up. Guess what, she then hooked up with his own bestfriend. Maybe this is what the first girl would refer to as Karma. So the guy concluded that if anything like this happens again to him, he would know what’s the best choice. 

One thing that I must highlight is that when 2 persons are involved, it’s not necessarily the same thing. Like what we often hear people say, the stepmother is always the bad one. She would treat the kids from the first wife badly and even abuse and torture them. This is the general idea that we get especially when we’ve been fed with stories like Cinderella. When It comes to reality, it’s not always like that. We hear cases where the real mom was the culprit and not the stepmother. So when we rely on the “popular beliefs” that the first one who comes is the one who gonna stay, or who have what’s real for you—Is not that applicable in real time situation. It’s case by case basis.

If you know that the first one is willing to go extra miles for you, you won’t know if the second one is NOT willing to do it too if given the same chance and situation? How do you know who is more loyal to you? How do you know that the second won’t make her biggest sacrifice just to be with you? How do you know who is going to stay by your side through thick and thin? How do you know that it’s always the first one who does it better? How you do know that the first one must be the one who even die for you or be beside you on your last moments? See that? We don’t know yet. We can’t judge our situations using other people’s situations and experiences which don’t exactly have the same details like our own unique situations.

I’m not giving you the answer about Who is better. I just want you guys to keep your mind opened that YOU DON’T KNOW what the answer is UNTIL you reach there. You don’t simply punish people just because “the history” told us that the first love is always the best. People who went through it know for real that it wasn’t always true. It’s not even about who comes first. It’s about who will stay and never leaves. But you don’t know the answer is until you really give them the chance they deserve.

I have been posed the same questions too. They said, you don’t know yet who is really gonna love you for real. So you can’t just shut the door for other people just because “people say” the one who comes first is always the one who’s gonna stay. Your life. You decide :)