I listened to a guyfriend arguing with someone on the phone. "He shouldn't say something bad about my work in front of my customers" The tune was rather harsh to come out from his mouth. I could feel the tension and anger. The next day I got to ask him, What's with the phonecall yesterday? Were you arguing with someone or what?
He told me that a friend complained about his work in front of his customers. The customers felt bad about it because they "had a second thought" whether or not this guyfriend really gave them the best service that they expected. But after hearing opinion from someone who is also in the same field (photography, that is), the customers told this guyfriend what the other person said. The guyfriend felt so upset that someone belittled him, looked down on him and his capability.
I told him a very useful knowledge that I learn from a motivational book.
"If you build your self-esteem on other people's approval, then it only take ONE bad comment and already you're down. But if you build your self esteem on yourself; that you believe in your strength regardless what people think about it, then people can say 100 bad things about you and you will still standing strong."
Ask yourself, do you need other people's good comment to think that you ARE really good in something?
You must understand, that Life is an Art – it's subjective. I can come to you and say that your hair sucks, but the other person says your hair is gorgeous. And have another 10 persons- you will be fed with different comments from different perspective. Some might say that your hair is too thick for your face, or long hair doesn't suit you – hell, people stop at nothing. You look at the mirror and ask yourself what do you think? Maybe it all that matters in the end. WHAT YOU FEEL about yourself.
The other day, a good guyfriend dropped by at my workplace. He used to be my bestfriend; the friend I discussed a lot of issues with. One thing about this guy, he's quite particular about things. The first encounter that we had years ago was that he thought I was someone to look up to. He admired many things about me. He officially admitted that he was really a fan of mine. I was flattered because he wasn't so generous with compliments. He likes to analyze people and criticize. That's him. So it's normal that when we occasionally meet, he always notices changes in me. He would complain if I gain weight, or when he saw pimples on my face, or if my hair is messy – he would say it straight. I hated it. I hated it when he comes and he always try to find something to complain about. The recent visit to my workplace was a bit different. He was happy to see me. And I was starting to talk like a train – trying to tell him many things about my plans. He smiled – I thought that he must miss my train-talk. The talk that can go on and on speaking of ideas and motivations that you don't always hear. He smiled. Despite knowing that he's a very judgmental person, I cared very little. I know that he might complain about my new haircolour that looked so striking, or maybe he complained about my shirt. But neither did I care about. Yes, maybe I gained some weight from the last time that we met, he complained about it. "[256], do you actually find pleasure in putting more weight, or what?" Hahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahhaah. Dammit. He pointed at the pictures that I put on the wall. "Look at those pics. If you maintain those weight like in the pictures, I think it's much better." I just laughed at him. I don't know why his opinions don't matter anymore. I mean, I DON'T CARE!!
Maybe I always have it in me. When people say something bad about myself, it made me feel down, but…I have to say sorry to them because still it doesn't change what I feel about myself. I don't know what's wrong with me. Even if people's bad comments can make me cry or sad, but still I DON'T buy them. I know deep inside that I am "something else". If they say I'm bad, I always know that I'm not that bad. If they say I'm good, I also know that maybe I'm not that good. But I know in the areas where I'm good in, yes I am good. And I don't ask people about that. I come a long way to realize my strength. You can't come to me and say something bad to me and make everything collapse in a second. No, no. You can't do that.
So maybe this is what the motivational books means about Building your self-esteem on yourself instead of on other people's approval. I think I'm a little bit there, if not completely there. So what my guyfriend thought about me gaining a little weight (for example) – is so so little to bring me down. It's just WEIGHT, people. Do you know MY VALUE as a human being? It's not on weight. I can keep gain a little or lose a little, but MY VALUE as human being is not affected. I can still feel very valuable because I still have the capabilities that I appreciate having. All these physical things are just a pinch of salt of who you are. But if you're handicapped inside, you can wear the fanciest gown, wear the most expensive make-ups and still it doesn't change your real value as your human being. That's why I don't worry so much what people say about my physical or anything they can see. If they say something bad, I just know that I'm better than that. If they say something really good, Uh-oh…Maybe I'm not that good yet but thanks, maybe one day I can be that good. Value is not what's physical. Someone can like you because he think you have a cute face, you have a nice body and all – but if that's all that you have, it's like an EMPTY can. And all those physicals are not there to stay. We need to have something else to put our value on. Now, don't you feel silly that you always care so much to be called beautiful, sexy, hot and all the bla bla bla – those values are vulnerable. They are not even a value at all. They are just – Add-ons.
I can't tell you what your value is – that's your job to find out :)
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