"Don't Have To Tell Her"

A friend’s boyfriend dropped by at my workplace yesterday. He said he was walking around. Lucky for him, unlucky for me. Lucky for him because I didn’t have a customer to attend so he could have a little chat. Unlucky for me because I had to attend to him although I have pending works to do. Since that he did some favour for my office before, I should regard him as a friend so I liked it or not, I had to spare some time. It was a disturbance actually.

So his phone rang. I could hear that it was my friend’s voice; his girlfriend. I guessed my friend asked him “Where are you?” so this guy answered, “Here, walking around.” Actually, he was sitting at the other side of my desk. Then my friend got even curious, “Where exactly is “Here”? So he mentioned a nearby supermarket, and NOT 256’s office. It was ridiculous. Why would he lie? He lied like a pro. No expression of guilt whatsoever. But he did signal to be to “keep quiet”. Damn! I was not even involved in this. I didn’t ask him to come. I didn’t ask him to stay. I was only being polite to let him steal my time.

Why he made it look like a crime to drop by at a friend’s office? He should have told my friend that he went to my place just to have a short chat before he left to another destination. What was I then? A partner in crime?

I remember last year, when my friend brought this boyfriend of hers to my office. It was the first time that we met. I always knew that my friend has a steady boyfriend. A few days after that, I received a call from an unknown number. It was from her boyfriend. “I came to your place the other day, don’t you remember?” Ouch… Then after trying to remember, so it was my friend’s so-called steady boyfriend. He asked me something about work, he said he wanted to drop by, but how he ended it left me feel uneasy when he said, “Don’t tell her I called you.”

“Why?”

He said, “I didn’t want her to get jealous.” But should she feel jealous at all? I mean, to put it that way is already not right. Why think that she might get jealous? Nobody is doing anything bad.

But that time, I actually SPILLED the beans. I finally told my friend about how her boyfriend contacted me behind her back. But I didn’t tell her exactly what I felt. I made it sound as if her boyfriend called me just to ask something to make a surprise for her. I didn’t want to insinuate that her boyfriend was cheating on her.

Cos it wasn’t cheating. It was all innocent, UNTIL he asked me to NOT TELL.

Maybe I would do the same if I were in his place. To avoid arguments and misunderstanding – BETTER NOT TELL HER. But for him to come to my place and make me part of this, make me feel like I was the subject of infidelity of her boyfriend, it was as stupid as can be. All those time when he contacted me behind my friend’s back, nothing fruitful actually came from it. It wasn’t even about work or anything. I was just wasting my time. I don’t get it. I still don’t get it.

If you do something with a good intention, and claim that you have no hidden agenda, then don’t make it look like a crime by NOT TELLING the person who should know. If he wants to create a drama with my friend, DO NOT COME to my place. I will not risk my friendship just because he has an eye-wandering boyfriend.

My Next Post… LELAKI CURANG: WHY?

Bear with me :)

Self-Talking? Erkss!!

Sia rasa betul2 mau ketawa sampai pingsan kalau buli laa… *Lols. Sia teringat expression muka kawan sia sorang ni masa dia duduk sebelah sia. Sepa suruh dia mau sangat tengok sia surfing. Actually I went online untuk buat online money transfer, but dia berkeras mau tengok. Pada masa sia sibuk2 menaip tu, I hit “Back” button, mesti that page expired. Punyalah sia geram. Understandable – for security reason la ba tu. But menyusahkah sia. Sudah la sia sedang kejar masa, minta puji lagi tu page ba…Eiiii!! Then pada masa yang sama, phone sia berbunyi. And then lepas baca SMS dari my customer, then my phone bunyi lagi. Ni kali signal sound yg Inbox sia sudah full. Punyalah tension sia masa tu. Payah lagi mau pilih message mana yg perlu delete. Memang leceh betul. Then maybe that explained why I kept mumbling – “Ishh tinguk ni Inbox sia penuh lagi.” “Tinguk ba ni page, tidak buli langsung tekan “Back” – and so on. Maybe sia cakap terlalu cepat dan pelan, sampaikan kawan sia nda dengar. Sia teda masa mau tinguk muka dia masa tu. Lagipun sia teda jemput dia untuk duduk sebelah sia supaya dia buli tinguk balance account bank sia. *Lols. Sia sibuk melayan kerja sia, sia tersedar jua yang maybe kawan sia tu akan keboringan, so sia pun tanya2 dia juga la hal2 yang saja2 untuk pecah kesunyian. Haa!! Masa tu sia sempat paling muka tengok dia. Muka dia masa tu yg betul2 melucukan sia. Lain macam ja muka dia ba. Entah kenapa macam tu. (/me ready2 sudah mau pecah ketawa). Macam ada ciri2 muka sedang musykil ni bah. Deiii… You guys know apa dia cakap? “Ya, sia paham la dalam pikiran kau ni ada banyak hal. Biasa la tu. Tapi kalau org nda kenal kau ni, silap2 dorang buli cakap kau GILA ba.”

Hahahaahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahaahahah

Masa tu la sia rasa macam kena gelitik ba. Rupanya dia pandang serong pula sama sia dari tadi. Rupanya time sia mumbling sorang2 tu, dia sudah ready mau sediakan sia borang daftar ke Bukit Padang. Hahahaahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahhahahaaaa. (Uii…kuat ehh sia ketawa). Lucu ba muka dia. Tu laaa…masa sia sibuk2 janganlah berikut-ikutan sama sia, macam la sia betul2 teda kerja mau buat. Sebenarnya I felt a bit rimas masa tu. Tidak ngam timing betul ba kalau dia mau cerita2 sama sia. Sudahlah sia nyaris kana teriak customer gara2 terlambat , sana juga dia buat muka comel mau bawa cerita. Doii dogoooo. Hahahahahahaha. Sia nda mau kasi kecil hati kawan sia ni, so sia pun cakap juga but nda tentu2 sudah apa yg sia cakap tu. Cos sia punya fikiran betul2 bercelaru dengan kerja2 sia ba.

Tapi that little incident told me that – maybe it’s AWKWARD to people when they saw someone do the self-talking. Like mumbling sorang2 sedangkan tangan tu sibuk buat kerja. Jangan u guys heran, actually ini bukan something very abnormal. But maybe not so normal also. Hehehehe. I am the type who do self-talking. In my case, apa yang sia cakap tu adalah benda yang berkaitan dengan apa yg sedang dilihat oleh mata sia masa tu, dan apa yang sedang dibuat oleh tangan sia. – So my brain is conscious about my movement and eye-sight. It’s not just mumbling nothing ba. Sometimes, keluhan yang keluar dari mulut sia tu adalah berkaitan dengan apa yg ada di depan sia. Bukannya sia mengeluh why sia terlupa bawa wallet sia dua tiga hari yg lepas. Haa, kalau sudah tahap membebel berkaitan hal2 yang tidak di depan mata tu, mungkin bagus itu borang sia pass sama dia laa kan guys? Setuju ka?? *Lols. Hahahahahaha :PPPP

Sia pernah baca from a source, Smart People talk to themselves. I mean, maybe dorang rumuskan benda tu daripada scientist2 macam Albert Einstein, yg dikatakan suka cakap sendiri. Sia minta maaf sama yg buat rumusan tu, sebab sia sudah start bercakap sendiri even before sia tau pasal si Einstein, tapi sama juga sukur2 ja pass SPM ni baa…Deii. (*Lols) Kidding. Bagi sia, self-talking is actually – THINKING OUT LOUD ba that. Seriously. You guys know sia punya mind ni terlampau banyak pikir. So in certain situation, sia memang akan express those thoughts dalam bentuk words - dan kesannya berbeza. Macam juga you guys hafal nota. Do you guys know that when you read out loud, more of your senses are used to memorise the details? You akan lebih senang ingat sebab instead of just your eyes and mouth yg membaca, you akan involve your ears untuk mendengar apa yg u cuba ingat. So akhirnya, confirm benda tu akan lebih melekat dalam sel2 otak kau. Sebab lebih banyak deria yang terlibat yg menyampaikan maklumat tu untuk disimpan oleh sel2 otak kau tu. (Uiii…bah sudah2 la tuu…bukan ada urg tanya punnn *Lols)

Sia penat2 explain semua ni supaya kamurang jan tuduh bukan2 kalau tinguk org cakap sendiri. Hehehehehehe. Tapi betul juga ba…sia pernah tinguk orang tu cakap sorang2, sia betul2 pikir dia gila ba guys…alalalalalalalalaaa (*Lols). Tapi apa pun, nothing beats the sight of my friend punya muka tadi tu. Hahahaahahahaha. Apa buli buat, dia pun belum kenal betul dengan sia but she knows sia memang kelam-kabut punya urg.

The moral of the story: Control ekpresi muka anda sekiranya anda sense something “unright” about the person who is sitting beside you. You could end up getting laughed at in their freaking blog. Why, thank you. (Hahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahaha) Noty, noty…

A Sweet Birthday Wish

“Kau ada tulis pasal sia ka di blog kau?” – He asked that to me a few times. And those few times, it sounded like a joke. I didn’t even have the reason to write anything about him before. But guess what, now I have! So…whether he likes it or not, he’s gonna come out at my blog today! *Lols

Less than a week ago, I made this guy hit the “jackpot”. Out of nowhere, I appeared at YM and he caught me. And it was a perfect timing because I was feeling so down and I left my work early so I could get a break by going online. Speaking of YM, believe it or not, he’s the only chatter who got into my YM. None of the rest could catch me on YM, none but him. I will tell you why. None of the chatters except for my big bro, knows any of my e-mail addresses. Only recently that I have displayed an e-mail for this blog. But this guy was so selamba, he private-messaged me one day (months ago), and asked me, “Mandak, can u help me ka?” He wanted me to help him download a song since he has problem with his Ares. Out of nowhere, I just clicked on my Ares and I actually downloaded the song for him without giving excuses. I didn’t even tell him that I was busy doing my work. So I asked him, “How to pass you this song?” Aha, that’s how I had to give my e-mail address to him and added him in my YM list. So from there, he actually saw me on YM if I log in to that e-mail address. All this happened without him really knowing that he’s the only one who got into my YM. So selamba ba this chatter. *Lols.

So when he finally found me again at YM less than a week ago, that time he was there at the perfect timing. I needed someone to talk to. It seldom happens. I asked him to go to the chatroom and I actually spent the whole time chatting with him alone. Considering that it was RARE, he kept asking me that time, “Why you want to chat with me?” Sebab he was used to me rushing out after a short chat. This guy knew it was so hard to tangkap me for a long chat. So he was so curious why I suddenly “menyerah diri” that time. The fact was that, I was feeling so down and he lent me his ears. I told him why I was feeling down and he listened. Suddenly I felt like the little girl version of [256] who knew nothing of this life. Suddenly I realize this is how people feel when they come to me to share their burdens. So at the end of the chat, I made him another surprise. He thought I was kidding when I said, “Let’s continue in SMS”. Being one of my blog silent readers, he knows my issue with phone numbers. So he didn’t believe I was going to exchange numbers with him. I said, “You give me your number. I SMS u tonite.” He said he was so happy to hear me say that. He almost didn’t believe it.

I finally SMS-ed him that nite, and then we exchanged SMS from there. I couldn’t count how many SMS that he sent me telling me – “I can’t stop smiling o.” “Today is my lucky day.” “I’m feeling so happy right now.” – And the likes of it!! *Lols. I felt so good inside because I knew I just made someone’s day by my little act – yeah, even if it’s simply by exchanging phone numbers and SMS. That’s sweet, right? He asked me another thing. “Can I know why you want to exchange number and chat with me?” This is one question that he kept asking me for that day. It was funny. So my answer was this.

“You are the only who ever asked for anything and received it right away (the song) and you are the only one who got into my YM and you are one of my blog readers, who thinks my blog is funny (*Lols) and knowing that I always answer your private message, you never take advantage of it. You never make me feel pressured by asking too much details or anything. All in all, you make me feel comfortable talking with you. And if all this makes you happy, trust me your deserve to feel happy.”

We exchange SMS since that day and he kept telling me that he’s always smiling when he’s sms-ing with me. He doesn’t know why. Don’t ask me why cos if you think you’re under a spell, I’m not responsible ahh… *Lols.

And something funny happened last nite. He finally gave me the first phone call. I could sense that he was shivering all over from his voice. It made me laugh so so hard I could wake the dead. *Lols. Hahahahahahahaaha. And after the short call, he smsed me again, he was kinda embarrassed during the short phone call. *Lols. Thanks for making me burst laughing in the early morning? Erksss…Hahahahahahah

Then I asked him once. “If I were not [256], will you still be this happy kah?” He said, “Maybe still feel happy, but not this much la.”

And guess what. All that happens without me knowing that today is his birthday!!! And it is again the perfect timing to finally write something about him in my blog. Happy Birthday Mr Kennedy and I hope you have not stopped smiling since that day. *Lols. I won’t tell you guys his nick. If he wants people to know, then he would write something at the comment box. But I think judging from “Jangan kau tulis pasal sia di blog kau ah” – I think he must be very shy to come forward. Hehehehe. I hope you are smiling forever, okay. Happy Birthday again Ken…muahsss!

Note: Since that I always stay up late lately to finish my work, having this guy in my phonebook definitely helps me to stay awake because he’s also up until morning. Kalau tiba2 teda reply paham2 laitu kan Ken. *Lols. Mesti tetitun la that. Hahahahahaahaha.

Between You & Your Dreams

Life’s tough. Sometimes we are pushed to our very limit. We thought that we could not go farther than this. This is the end of the road for us. We thought we have survived enough obstacles. But the obstacles are never enough. As long as we are still breathing.

This song is here because just when I thought I was “almost” worn out by my problems, songs like this can really inspire me to see that there is more. This isn’t it. If I realize all over again that this is the purpose of life. Reaching for our dreams no matter what it takes. Yes, it can be VERY TOUGH. Why, do you think life comes for free? What’s there in life if everything just unfold nicely for us, right?

This song also reminds me that To Have a dream is NOT enough. And we can have a thousand dreams but if we don’t do what it takes to achieve them, they mean nothing. Apa la guna sia belajar selama ni. Apa lah guna semua emosi yang sia pernah rasa dalam mengharungi hidup ini. Apa la guna semua benda2 yang memberikan tauladan dan pengajaran dalam hidup sia. Apa la guna semua air mata yang telah ditangisi. Apa guna ini semua kalau itu semua tidak menjadikan kita orang yang lebih baik? Orang yang lebih kuat? Apa guna sia buat and tulis ni blog dan tulis macam2 cerita yang mungkin boleh inspire orang lain? Apa erti semua ni kalau sia totally clueless macamana mau capai impian sia sendiri?

Then terus sia teringat berapa kali sia refuse untuk buat something just because sia takut fail? Sedangkan tanpa buat apa2 pun, sia memang sedang fail. You guys sedar tu semua? Macam la kita ni ada kehidupan ke dua dan ke tiga lagi lepas ni – iaitu masa tu baru kita buat “betul2”. Now ni semua buat “main2” saja, or saja2 testing one two three. Padahal ini sajalah one way road yang kita ada. Kenapa kita masih lagi mau play safe or mau main2 dulu? It’s now or never ba ni. You guys sedar kah?

Remember guys. It’s NOW or Never. Nothing can get between us and our dreams. Tiada apa yang boleh berada di antara kita dan impian kita. Kita mesti capai apa yg kita mau, right guys? Only 1 life, people. It’s now or never.

Being Single Isn’t Bad At All

This is what I told a guyfriend. Kawan lelaki sia sorang ni macam sesak napas kalau teda girlfriend. Dia target mesti mau dapat girlfriend secepat mungkin. I don’t get it. He’s been single for months so maybe he thought it was time to move on. Maybe he was right.

But not this way. He’s forcing things to happen before it’s time. Main pok2 beberapa perempuan and “paksa” diri dia untuk see that girl as a special one. Isn’t that nutz?

So although he didn’t put it into words, but I put his situation just in the right words. He can’t stand being single. Macam saja2 mau cari susah. Sorry to say. What’s wrong with being single? You can’t force something like that. I think that in my friend’s case, he can’t stand being single for long. He wants to have something to share things with. That’s good, but I think if you rush things, the system will go down illegally. Don’t cha think?

Well, eventhough I said that “Being single isn’t bad at all” – is doesn’t imply that you guys use the idea for the rest of your lives. I mean, as long as being single seems to be “the next thing” for ya, then you can surely do away with that. You can use that time to “experience” the beauty of singleness. I tell you, if you know how tiresome it is to be in a relationship that is always very demanding, you’ll know what I’m talking about. If you are the type who gets very involved in your previous relationship, and you did all you can but still not good enough – and eventually breaking up is still the best thing there is, you will know what I’m talking about. Being in a relationship is already like gambling. You put all your investment in it, thinking that it will profit you back, but in the end, you will have to admit that you’re just another homo-sapien who doesn’t know what the future brings. Sometimes you tried so hard that you felt like there’s nothing left for you to try out for. This has to stop. You need a break.

I have totally savoured my singleness. I always love it. It’s the time when I can really find myself back and get back in track. Baru sia sedar how much I have held myself back just to please someone else. It was crazy. I thought that I didn’t even get to breathe properly. I always need to think about something or someone first, above me. I hate it. I hate it that I think that someone else’s heart is more precious than mine. I mean, if this is the cost of being in a relationship, who doesn’t need a break?

This is the time when you know who is the best to deserve that kind of attention, and hopefully, for the last time in your life. You don’t have that much energy to keep working on an unsure relationship just to fail. Yes, gambling is gambling but history should have taught you something by now. You can’t just give in to failures that are not yet happen. If you pick the wrong partner just because you can’t stand being single, that’s crazy. To me, you’re in for a real threat.

So—finally, last nite. The guyfriend sms me in the middle of the nite. “256, now I finally get what you mean. Being single isn’t that bad. You’re right. Thank so much 256. (siap tulis my full name lagi that. *Lols)” I smiled without replying. It’s one of those times when I thought people don’t appreciate what I say, but they actually took it to heart. I felt so blessed when I could make them see life in a happier version.

My point is – singleness is really not the reason to slow down on life. It’s in fact a kickstart of self-finding and wisdom-seeking. I know what I’m talking about. I’ve been there :)

Stop The Freaking Firestone!!!

I have talked about perangai Batu api yang boleh menghancurkan hubungan baik sesama manusia. Now, if you are in the environment yang penuh persaingan, saling dengki mendengki dan sebagainya… I have a way supaya kita akan sentiasa hidup dalam keadaan aman.

Mulut org kita tidak boleh tutup. Ada2 saja yang kita nda puas hati dengan si anu dan si polan. Tapi benda ni akan diterukkan lagi dengan perangai Batu api sesetengah orang yang jadikan ni sebagai profession sampingan, sama ada dorang sedar atau pun tidak!! Batu api ni adalah org yang mengambil kesempatan daripada ketegangan atmosphere yang melibatkan emosi sekurang-kurangnya dua pihak yg terlibat. (Ya, bila lagi sia mau guna sia punya BM yang sukur2 kredit SPM ni kan guys… *Lols /me pingsan tawa).

Sia pernah terjerat dan sudah pun jadi mangsa si Batu api ni. I have written at least one post about situation yang berlaku di tempat kerja sia yang pernah tegang gara2 sikit punya masalah. Tapi kehadiran si Batu Api di kalangan kami ni menyebabkan org mau masam2 muka dan tidak bertegur. Sia sendiri jadi mangsa kepada si Batu Api ni menyebabkan hubungan sia dengan kenalan sia tu jadi renggang. Suddenly I felt hatred and anguish – semua gara2 mendengar mulut si Batu Api. Nasib baik tidak lama sebab I found the way to make it right. Something was very wrong with the whole thing. People talked at the back and when it comes to the right person, the words were changed in a way that made you think it was much worse than the real thing. It was crazy.

So I made the decision yang I won’t let this Batu Api win again. And one more thing, you guys kena paham yang sometime you are put in the right situation where YOU can be that Batu Api itself. Batu Api is all about the words that you speak to someone, that make the person feels bad about another person. Yesterday, someone tried to “push” me to be that Batu Api. I have a very easy petua how you guys can STOP THIS and keep the good energy.

I know exactly about ketidakpuasan hati 2 kenalan sia ni. Dorang ni dua2 adalah pesaing and at the same time, kawan2 yang duduk semeja borak2 pasal macam2 hal. Sepa sangka, itu semua lakunan saja. Dalam hati masing2 tidak puas hati dengan sesama sendiri. Being someone OUTSIDE the loop, I got to talk to both parties and walaupun sia tidak tanya dorang, dorang sendiri luahkan dengan sia. Then sia jadi sedia maklum dengan ketengangan dalaman dorang ni. So yesterday, one of them datang tempat sia – Just untuk digging some dirty little secrets – “What the other person speaks about me? Anything she told you?”

Ahaa… petuanya macam ni. Biarpun you guys tau apa mau dijawab, dan buat satu cerita yang sangat adventurous untuk didengar, jangan susah2 diri kamu untuk mulakan cerita itu. U save your energy untuk diri kau, buat kerja kau dan cari duit untuk feed your banks. Apa u susah2 mau mula cerita yang could be a starting point to a heated argument? Dorang yang tidak puas hati sesama sendiri, tiada kaitan dengan kau. If you think you want to do something noble dengan bagitau ketidakpuasan hati pihak yang satu lagi, stop it right there. You are not doing what you think you’re doing. You’re making things worse. Jadi you guys know apa sia cakap dengan kenalan sia yang datang bertanya tu? I said, “Ohh…until you speak to me, I don’t know that you guys have something going on.” Padahal sia tau semua cerita dari A sampai Z. Sia cakap ja sia tidak tau. Dulu sia tidak buat macam tu sebab sia pikir sia mau tulung kawan. Tapi akhirnya sia pun termasuk dalam pergaduhan dorang. Kenalan tu rasa tertampar dengan jawapan sia sebab she knows that I was just trying to be fair and not meddling in their business. She knows I know everything. Maybe because she’s very experienced, she understood why I did it. I REFUSE to talk. Sudah2 la sia jadi kamurang punya referree. Sia nda berminat. Yang paling sia nda minat, adalah menjadi si Batu Api yg bikin panas.

Dan one more thing, IF you guys have to go mengadu dan meluah perasaan tentang kebencian or ketidakpuasan hati terhadap orang2 tertentu, you guys have to come to the right person!! Seriously. Sebab ada orang murah hati mau lend telinga, tapi dia tidak tahan untuk simpan tu semua. Akhirnya semua yg you cakap dengan dia, akan dijadikan version baru bila sampai di telinga orang yg kamu nda puas hati tu. Dia tokok tambah abis-abisan … sampaikan cerita kereta terlanggar ayam sampai ayam tu mati, jadi kepada cerita kereta tu accident gara2 mau elak langgar ayam. Sampai gitu sekali dia punya kreativiti putar cerita. Dulu budak2 buli laa… ini benda gaduh2 ni u rasa macam fun. Bila orang lain gaduh, you rasa best sebab you rasa you ni baik sebab you tidak gaduh macam dorang. Dalam dunia bekerja ni, sudah2 la tu. Berhenti bawa mulut. Kita ni ada banyak benda lagi mau dibuat. Kasi mati tu cerita di sana. Bila orang luahkan pada kau, kau tumpang dengar ja. Lepas tu buang tu perkara jauh2. Jangan mau pass2 lagi.

You want to be professional? Buatlah macam tu. Hidup ni begini singkat, kita teda masa mau gaduh2 dan kita teda masa mau tinguk org lain gaduh. Hal dalam kain sarung kita sendiri pun nda terjaga, jangan pula ada masa mau jaga hal dalam kain sarung urg lain. (Pandai2 ja si 256 ni buat perumpamaan. Haahahahaahahahahahahah)

You guys try buat your first mission. You have no idea how much you do for this earth just with your little favour. Stop the freaking firestone – Don’t be one and don’t make someone to be one, and help stop someone from being one. World peace, people, remember that.

To Use And Be Used – More Normal Than What You Would Admit

Di dalam hidup ni, you guys might hate to admit facts that sound like devilish, such as using your own friend or family to get what you want, but the fact is, it is something that we do all the time!!

Maybe it’s too small to be detected or defined – but we humans, we have our daily needs. To get something, to achieve something or just to make our lives better – yup, sometimes we don’t realize that we are using other people to get there. Maybe not exactly like “stepping on their back” and hurt them. That’s the beauty of it. Sometimes they don’t even know that we are using them, because they feel like they also have a share of joy while they are being used by us. In the other hand, we don’t realize that it’s also that often that we are in the place of the person to is being used. So agree or not, our life is full of people using and getting used!!

For example. You just broken up from a long relationship. You feel so devastated by your sudden singleness. You need someone to make up for that empty space. So you meet new people, you might even flirt a bit just to make it even fun. They new friends that you make don’t know that you look for them because you want to kill your loneliness. You spend one day talking with them on YM or SMS or even call, just so you can slow down on your thoughts of your past love. Yes, it appears that you’re exchanging laughs and smiles and thoughts – but actually, you know that it is all in the surface only. Your heart is still bleeding. The moment you stop talking with these new friends, it will continue to bleed profusely. Then, you have to continue getting in touch with people just for the sake of slowing down your aching heart. They new girls that you make friends with, might feel that this is MORE than just a “slowing down hurting process”cos they might enjoy your company so much. They laugh at your jokes and they feel like you’re like a new friend who they have always asked for. But for you, this could end anytime. They are there just because you need their urgent companion. You see that? You’re actually using them for your own good, but they don’t know it because they are having fun too.

Another example. A friend or family asks for your favour. They tell you that, they want to promote your work to other people, but actually they only want to get your favour for free. At the same time, you don’t see that you are being used because you’re busy trying to prove your skill and get recognized for it. You don’t know that the whole idea is started from a friend trying to save cost to get something that is reasonably good – and you are the best option there is. So, again, someone is using someone and someone is getting used by someone. It happens all the time!!

The good news is, sometimes it starts that way, but it eventually leads to something good. Sebab, sepa tau yg akhirnya gara2 kau mau buang boring or sunyi, kau akhirnya betul2 sangkut dengan kawan baru kau tu. Then, you might as well don’t have to tell everything yg u come to her sebab dia ja yang sudi mau mendengar luahan hati kau tu. Memang life macam ni. We have a way of getting what we want, and we use all the “tools” available for us to achieve what we want. It’s a painful fact to agree on, but it’s as normal as drinking water. You don’t even know that it should be given a term because everyone does it!

So…in the journey of using and being used – as long as everybody does something that benefits them, then maybe we can just let it be. Cos the foundation is right from the beginning, no matter if we are using or being used, we all gain something good from it. It all that matters right? :)

"Nothing Comes Free"

I was about to send one of my pcs to the shop. Then I remember that my bro is always the computer genius in the family. I asked my bro if he has the time to reformat my pc, he said okay. I told my bro that, "I will pay you like what I pay the pc shop." He kept quiet. It was actually not a good thing to talk about payment when it comes to families. So I understand why he didn't want to talk about it. So just now, he did all the job to my pc. Just the simplest job that didn't take him even a freaking hour. This is just a piece of cake to him. He even solve the strangest pc problems in the whole family and relatives. In fact, my bro earned a lot of money when he worked as an apprentice at a pc shop during his college years. It was where he got all his knowledge from, considering that he didn't take computer course for his degree. But since he didn't pick that field for his serious career, my uncles usually asked him to do laptop works for them, for free. I'm sure that my bro won't talk about money. It was just improper to ask for payment, right?

But when it comes to me, it's different. I know how to value one's skills and talents. Maybe that's how much I would like people to value mine. Nothing comes free this day. I mean, if you are the one who is offering your hands to others, it's okay to put "Free", but not when you are the one who is asking for other's hands. You have no right to put Free for their service. That's my concept. So after my bro did his job with my pc, I gave him the money which I would exactly pay the pc shop. He didn't want to take it. So I just pushed the money and asked him to take it - letting him know that I don't give you this money because I think you don't have money, but this is because of you serviced my pc and I would still have to pay the same amount should anybody else does it. So, it's very simple. Family is family, but when it comes to something that need someone's professionalism, nothing comes free these days. At least, we be compassionate enough to value people's work. If you think their skills are nothing, you might as well be doing it with your own hands. As long as you need someone else's hands, their skills are never too cheap, not to mention FREE. So, you know what to do. Family or not, nothing comes free :)

The Charming You

You guys pernah terfikir about the quality that most people like about you? I mean, you should at least have the idea, right? Well, just a reason to smile about before you go and start the day :)

As for me…let me think. I think I don’t have much charm to brag about. Hehehe. But if you need a company to listen to you, you will definitely find me a very convenient companion because I am a very good listener. I think that’s all that is good in me. *Lols. Ok ok…let me think. Ahaa… if you are a good listener, you usually might find pleasure listening to my train talk and neverending laughing as long as it doesn’t exceed half and hour. Cos if it’s prolonged, you might want to pinch me to stop. Cos I usually forgot when to stop. Hahahahahahahahaaha. Just kidding.

For those who never talk to me live and only chat with me online, usually they will say that I’m a good talker. Maybe because I’m used to write a lot. I seldom run out of topic to write about. Actually, I try to find out why some people find me a good chatfriend, I think it’s because I can express myself very well in writing. Not everyone can express themselves well in writing. I can assure you. Some people can sound very boring with their written language when they are actually very fun as a person. I found quite a few of them. They sound very cold when they are in chatrooms, but as a person, they are as lively as can be. So you know you can never judge a person from the way they express themselves in chatrooms. Not everyone is readable.

To those who talk on the phone with me, usually they say that I sound so cheerful because I laugh all the time. So if you have very limited credit, please think twice before you want to call me because I will spend half of the time to laugh for no reason at all. Hahahahaahahahahahahaahaha. So now you understand why they say their stress is gone when they talk to me? Cos I help them to laugh!! Hahahahahahaha. Erksss…just kidding. :PP

Ok peeps. Just something to cheer us up. It’s quite a stressful Monday morning today. I write this before I enter “the battle” for today. Quite a funny way to “start the engine” right? *Lols.

Have a nice Monday everyone!

And remember, you are Charming in Your Own Way so smile...:)

The Spiritual Me

One of the best episodes I watched on Oprah is about Spiritualism. I like it so much. In fact, I was startled by the fact that what they are talking about, isn’t anything new to me. I don’t know why they make me feel like they just put it in words for me to understand what I’m doing all this while.

The concept is like this. We are more than just our bodies. It’s not our body which has our soul in it, but it’s more like our soul that is wearing our body. So you know, SOUL is an entity that is not physical. If we can learn how to get connected to our spiritual being, we can live life the best way we cannot do in the normal way. We will be more content and happy, and we will see life more interesting and not get carried away with our worldly cares.

How to get connected with your spiritual being? Among them are, you must be in touch with the nature, appreciate the little details that is happening around you, and the ritual is “taking a silent moment” every morning, thinking about nothing at all, before you are ready to face the day. Okay, I am not here to repeat or summarize what they discuss on Oprah. I am here to clarify why I feel like I have something in common with this spiritualism subject.

From my blog, I think you guys can sense that I think a little bit different from most people. I like to see things in different perspective and I tend to exaggerate things that are small to some people. I also think too much. And from my everyday thing, I often become the place where people share their burdens. All this makes me connected to my spiritual being, actually. Or maybe, it’s the other way around. Maybe it’s because I am an individual who is already connected with my spiritual being and so people can easily connect with me. Well, it doesn’t matter what the answer is.

Although I have a few attitudes that make life harder for me – but I never get too carried away with it. I find that there’s something inside me that gives it a balance. Although I know that I am a human of many weaknesses, I always believe that regardless my weaknesses, there’s always the better side of me that people don’t have to know exist. As long as I know it, and that’s enough. For example, if people give bad comment about myself, and yes, they can make me feel very bad. But deep inside of me, I just know that I am never as bad as they said. Although how bad I feel about myself, one side of me just know that I am never that bad. This way, I always can find balance between my negative and positive. You know, too much of something is bad. I can say that it could be the only thing left for myself when I feel like the world is tumbling down. I just know that this world is all there is. Not everything can be seen with bare eyes. So I'm using this to tell myself, no matter how bad people think about me, I know that there's something better inside. I only need to be strong enough to believe that what's really inside me matters more than just the impressions that people can see.

I don't think I can explain this to you guys. You have to search it within yourself and you'll know what I'm talking about. As far as the Spiritual Me is concerned, life is still damn hard. But the trick is, I always have a way to enjoy life. Cos maybe I've known it all this while, that My Soul is running my body, and not my body running my soul. My Soul is always whole. Nothing can hurt it. So...

Remember that. Nothing in this world can be SO Bad. Nothing can hurt who you really are :) You only need to connect to your spiritual being and you will feel whole again. :)

Si Lurus Bendul dan Si Opportunist

Dalam hidup ni, macam2 cabaran. Kalau mau pikir betul cabaran ni semua, boleh tarik nafas buat keluhan yang sangat panjang. Tidak terkata.

I remember the conversation I had with kenalan2 perempuan yg lagi berpengalaman daripada sia. Sia ni a totally a beginner compared to them. Actually, sia ni boleh dikatakan “the lost one” iaitu seorang yang sesat dalam field ni. I should be doing another career. Walaupun education sia lagi tinggi sikit dari dorang, tapi dorang ni sudah tau selok belok mau maju. Sia ni apa juga? Si lurus bendul yang bikin panas. Sia geram dengan diri sia sendiri sebab sometimes sia ni tidak tau rebut peluang. Sia hairan, kalau la orang lain yg berada di tempat sia, adakah dorang akan buat macam sia juga? I definitely can be an opportunist yang akan sapu habis semua peluang yang sia ada.

I talked to a lady. Dia ni banyak membuka mata sia tentang how filthy this world is. Dia ni sentiasa dapat business yang besar2. Ada saja project yg dia dapat. Entah dari mana datang. Mau cakap dia ni kenal banyak org, pun tidak juga. Reputation dia ni sudah tercemar pun. Pandai tipu2 sikit. Cakap tidak serupa bikin. So finally when sia spend masa bercakap dengan dia, dia reveal macam2 benda. Pengalaman dia ni membuatkan dia tidak gentar kalau setakat kena gertak or kena marah sikit oleh customers or landlord or any of business partners dia. Sia pun heran daripada dia dapat perisai yang buat dia kalis maki. Mungkin betul dia memang ada pengalaman. Dia cakap sama sia,

“Perempuan kena pandai sikit kalau mau dapat project. Kau pikir senang ka? Kadang2 kau minta sain tu borang pun itu pegawai mau pok bawa kau karaoke dulu. Kalau kau menolak, jangan harap dia mau tinguk borang kau.”

Terus sia terkejut la. “Sampai macam tu terukkah?”

Dia cakap kalau orang sudah pakar dalam ni hal, body language org tu pun kita tau yg dia harap dapat something before he does something for you. Apa lagi kalau yg berkuasa tu adalah lelaki, dan pemohon tu perempuan. Dia memang mau pok something else baru dia bagi kau.

When I asked her about her experiences, she said dia pernah pegi karaoke, nyanyi macam tu urg buduh, setakat mau ambil hati orang yang berkepentingan tu. Sia extend lagi soalan sia kepada part yang sensitive sikit. “Karaoke, that’s all? No hanky panky ka?”

That she said, “Uiii jangan kau. Silap2 memang dorang mau juga tu. But kau kena pandai la. Kalau tidak, memang badan kau pun dia mau tu”

Dalam hati sia cakap, “Kalau sudah ikut pergi karaoke, duduk minum2 lama2, mau kena pandai macamana lagi? Kalau sia mau tunjuk pandai, pegi karaoke pun sia tidak mau.”

Kesimpulannya, “Sepa pandai play this game, dia la yang dapat.”

Sia jadi pening kejap dengar apa dia cakap. Lain lagi yang under the table. Kau mau dia sain, mesti mau bagi “duit kopi”. Sia honestly tidak pandai main bengkang bengkok ni. Told you I’m si lurus bendul yang bikin panas. *Lols. Entah how to start playing it, cos kalau sia sendiri yang mau dirasuah, sia akan rasa terhina. Ketara betul orang pikir sia ni teda prinsip punya orang, sampaikan kena rasuah baru sia mau buat something. Emmmm….

Tapi mungkinkah it’s just me who choose to hide under this shell? Sebelum fikiran sia dikotorkan dengan cerita2 ni semua, sia masih boleh dapat apa yang sia mau dengan jalan lurus. Masa tu, sia manatau dunia ni begitu kotor. The first urusan yang I did, I got it easy and fast. That’s why ada orang hairan. Orang pikir sia pakai bengkang bengkok. Uiks? Tapi I was just lucky for one time maybe? Sebab selepas tu, sia pun mcm yang lain juga. Struggling to get what I want. I feel how hard it is. I feel how terribly hard it is. So kalau I get anything, it’s my own effort. Apa boleh buat kalau sudah memang sia ni si Lurus Bendul yang bikin panas? *Lols.

Tapi dalam kepayahan melalui liku2 hidup ni, kadang2 sia pun tercabar juga. Mungkin kalau kasi bend sikit, mungkin lebih mudah kan? Memang tercabar. Apa lagi kalau ada sifu2 yang memang terer main hanky panky untuk dapatkan sesuatu. Haru biru jadinya kalau mau berguru dengan dorang ni. Apa lagi kalau orang sentiasa bagitau kelebihan seorang perempuan untuk mendapatkan sesuatu. They said, Perempuan ni ada kelebihan. Kelebihan macamana tu ah? Mungkin sebab perempuan ada tarikan. Tapi ini yg membuatkan hidup ni lagi mencabar untuk seorang perempuan. Ada orang yang mau ambil kesempatan. Tapi kalau betul2 mau pikir pasal peluang mau maju, jadilah si Opportunist. Semua peluang dia sambar.

Kadang2 di saat rasa kepayahan, memang terpikir juga macamana kalau jadi seorang Opportunist. Bila lagi kan? Memang banyak peluang yang terbuka untuk sia kalau sia mau jadi si Opportunist. Ada beberapa kali boss bangunan tempat kerja sia ni datang and have a chat with me. Siap drop phone number dia lagi, “Just call me if anything”. Suruh I call him by his shortname lagi, dan bukannya as boss and client. Sampai itu security guard pun pegi bising2 bagitau yang lain, “Itu taukeh mau tekel si 256”. I never use the chance to get what I want. The opportunists yang lain sudah pernah jack2 itu boss untuk dapat discount. Itu boss lembut hati, dia bagi juga. I wonder why sia tidak pernah try to be like them just to get what I want. Mungkin juga sia mau save face. Or sia tidak mau my principle terjejas. What’s with principles and stands? Itu semua kena kira lagi kah di zaman sekarang ni?

Paning sia pikir ni benda semua. Sometimes sia rasa sia mau baring di katil dan titun sepuas-puasnya sehari suntuk supaya sia boleh berhenti berpikir kejap. Sometimes, inilah masa2 sukar yang kita akan lalui. Kita akan reexamine kita punya purpose, perjuangan, principles and sia kena redefine kita punya rules. Kadang2 kalau terlampau mengikut garis panduan pun, rasa sesak napas. Ya, macam yg sia rasa sekarang ni lah. Payahnya menjadi si lurus bendul ni kan. Hahahahahahaahahahahaha.

Enuff lah, don’t want to talk more about this. Nanti la kalau sia sudah tumbuh 3 tanduk, nanti I inform you guys ahh… *Lols

/me pingsan ketawa

Muahsss all.

Want To Talk To Me?

Hey all. Finally, I will display an email address where you guys can connect to me other than just through my blog. If this is how we can easily share more of our stories and ideas, I don't mind at all. Thanks my loyal readers. Muahssss :)

twofivesix_256@yahoo.com

Kisah Sebuah Penderitaan

You guys agree with me when I say that Grey’s Anatomy is a very good drama? It’s in fact, one of my favourites. Siapa sangka kerjaya sebagai pakar bedah sebenarnya boleh mendedahkan kita kepada seribu satu macam realiti kehidupan. Pergelutan dengan nyawa yang berjuang untuk hidup, dan how they actually see the lives fly away before their very eyes. Sometimes they even decide when to take the life supporting machine and come with the breaking news for the patient’s family, “Sorry, we already did all we can to save him.”

I take this chance to write about something that I have in mind since ages. Kamu cuba fikir betul2. Banyak orang sakit di luar sana yang menghabiskan masa mendapat rawatan di hospital. Dibedah, dibius, diberi ubat – ada yang terlantar di katil hospital selama berbulan-bulan, bertahun-tahun – selama itulah juga dorang tidak dapat melihat apa yang terjadi di luar sana. Sama ada dorang pikir yg dorang akan kembali kepada kehidupan itu, or adakah dorang hanya berserah dan pasrah sekiranya nafas dorang terhenti bila2 masa?

Sia tengok macam2 movie yang inspire me. How a person yg kena diagnose with a serious disease, given a few options how to treat the disease. But sebelum kena diagnose, orang tu macam orang normal saja. Dia lalui hidup dia dengan suka duka, pergi kerja, jumpa kawan2 dan makan macam2 yang dia suka. Tiba2 bila dia tau dia ada penyakit, semua berubah. Penyakit itu belum pun menyakiti dia. Dia tidak rasa pun yang dia ada penyakit. Tapi dengan kaedah perubatan moden, doktor tu cakap dalam badan dia tu macam2 kerosakan. Kalau dibiarkan, dia mungkin akan hidup kurang dari 1 tahun. Then, what should the person do?

Then when kamu cakap, “Bolehkah biarkan saja?”. Doktor tu akan cakap macam ni. “Kalau dibiarkan, kau hanya ada 3 bulan hidup.” Then org tu tanya, “Tapi kalau dibedah, macamana?” Doktor tu jawab, “Kalau dibedah, kau mungkin akan hidup sekurang-kurangnya 2 tahun.” Tapi kau sudah nampak apa yang dilalui oleh org lain. Apa guna hidup 2 tahun lagi kalau serupa bangkai bernyawa? Suddenly kau tersedar betapa bagusnya hidup 3 bulan yg dipenuhi makna dan keseronokan. Biarlah singkat, tapi ia betul2 kehidupan dalam ertikata yang sebenarnya.

Actually, ramai yang telah menggunakan pendekatan itu. They decide yang dorang akan teruskan hidup macam biasa dan tidak perlu berduka tentang penyakit dorang. Sampaikan orang2 keliling pun tidak tau. Bila tiba masanya, dorang pergi secara tiba2. Terdetik di hati orang2 keliling dia, kenapa la dia tidak bagitau yg dia sakit? Kenapa dia tidak pergi jalani rawatan?

Actually, mendapatkan rawatan ni memang undeniably cara yang terbaik.untuk FIGHT. Fight untuk mendapatkan peluang hidup yg lebih lama. Tapi nothing is sure. Apa yang sure adalah once kau dapat rawatan, kau akan buang berbulan-bulan atau tahun untuk even pulih dari rawatan tu. Sedangkan kita tau, masa berbulan-bulan tu boleh jadi macam2 benda. Banyak benda kita miss. Dan sekiranya kau refuse untuk jalani rawatan, kau tidak akan lalui benda tu semua. Kau akan save masa di katil bedah. Masa tu kau boleh guna sebaik-baiknya untuk enjoy hidup kau. Orang mungkin cakap kau sudah give up untuk cuba rawat penyakit kau. But looking at it the other way, sebenarnya kau cuma mau jadi realistic. Dalam kes penyakit itu tidak boleh diubati, seolah-olah kamu hanya akan menghabiskan semua duit kamu untuk memanjangkan hayat kamu selama mungkin. Tapi entah kenapa terdetik di hati sia…”HAYAT” yang kamu dapat panjangkan dengan perbelanjaan yang di luar kemampuan kamu tu sebenarnya bukan hayat dalam ertikata sebenarnya. Kamu terlantar lemah di hospital, tidak boleh cakap, tidak boleh makan minum, tidak boleh buka mata dan tengok tv dan dengar cerita orang yg visit kamu – boleh dikatakan, hayat yang kamu perjuangkan itu adalah tidak bermakna. Imagine la ahli keluarga kamu sampai gadai harta untuk dapatkan duit untuk rawatan – hanya untuk kamu ada terus terlantar di katil tu. Kamu tau kamu akan “pergi” juga. Dan gara2 itu, ahli keluarga kamu dikelilingi hutang dan hidup dorang semakin susah, sedangkan dorang masih mempunyai tempoh yang panjang untuk hidup. Sanggupkah kita tengok dorang susah?

My point is…when we look at this in a bigger picture, memang pedih reality kehidupan yang perlu dihadapi oleh sesetengah orang. Entah kenapa sia rasa sedikit kesal bila tau orang yang masih ada begitu banyak mission dalam dunia ni, dan akhirnya diagnosed with a disease, dan then mendapatkan rawatan yang begitu menyeksakan – seolah-olah hidupnya sudah terhenti ketika rawatan tu bermula. Satu kerugian pada dunia ini dan masyarakat. Jadi bila kita dengar celebrity2 yang pergi secara tiba2 tanpa diketahui umum tentang penyakit dorang, sia rasa dorang sudah maksimakan hayat dorang. Hidup ini terlalu indah dan masa kita terlalu singkat. Mungkin juga dorang pikir yang dorang tiada masa untuk melayan penderitaan tu. Hidup ini harus dinikmati selagi boleh bernafas. Esok lusa, kalau ajal datang, tiada apa yang boleh menghentikan. Endingnya tetap sama. Kematian. Tapi sia nampak yang rawatan2 ni adakalanya ridiculous. Menghentikan hidup sebelum masanya. Sedangkan sebelum masuk hospital, semuanya baik2 saja. Gara2 mau dapatkan rawatan, jadi macam bangkai bernyawa. Sia kesal kenapa perlu jadi macam tu. Seolah-olah option untuk tidak mendapat rawatan tu adalah lebih baik, sebab sekurang-kurangnya kita tidak buang masa dengan mengerang kesakitan dan terlantar di hospital. Ahli keluarga kita tidak perlu bergolok gadai. Sebab, endingnya tetap sama…We all gonna die, anyway.

I’m just sharing the little voice from deep within. Terdetik sedikit kekesalan. I don’t know if anything can make this better. Apa la yang sia tau kan? Pengetahuan begitu terbatas. Banyak benda yang sia tidak paham. Just that, in the simplest language, I just feel that adakalanya life ni memang kejam. And the bad news is, there’s nothing we can do about it. Sedih kan guys?

Sia cuma mau pray something ja. Sia harap sepa2 yang hati dia baik, buat amalan yang baik, sia pray yang dorang akan dapat balasan yang baik. Janganlah biar life ini terlalu kejam. Life, janganlah kau terlalu kejam dengan kami. Banyak lagi orang jahat di luar sana, jangan pula orang yang baik2 yang terpaksa menderita. *Sighs.

God, Have Mercy On Us.

Ouch! I Did Not Just Miss That!

A few days ago, it was like an answered prayer. Out of nowhere, there was this business opportunity that was so irresistible. And although I thought that I didn’t fit enough to get the business, but this marketing officer for the company insisted that I tried. It was almost informal conversation the way he asked me to provide him all the prices and quotations. I wanted to tell him that I didn’t specialize in this field involved although I could manage to do it. He kept pushing and pushing me to provide all the details so that he could forward it to his boss. It was kinda funny but I complied anyway. The only thing that I had in mind was – this guy was purposely trying to help me, or what? I mean, I never talked to him, or met him directly, and I never tried promoted anything to him, and suddenly, he was “pushing” a good business deal to me and asked me to make myself fit to get it done. I get the idea that this guy knows me.

Unfortunately, I know I couldn’t come up with the best prices. The reason for this is because it wasn’t my main field so I didn’t have all the equipments that can give me the edge of cutting cost – and offer such a low price. I definitely would lose this project. Almost sure. But I still did all the procedure because I didn’t want to look ungrateful having someone to help me. I thought he was helping me although I didn’t know why.

So this morning, this guy finally called me. “256, your price is way TOO high.” (Hahahaahahahaahahahahahahahahahaha) I almost laughed. I mean, it was predictable. I knew it that the companies who concentrated on this field would definitely give much cheaper price. I knew it but I couldn’t help it because my production cost is already more expensive than the price they offered. So the guy asked me, “How come?” I mean, he sounded a bit upset because I just made myself lose this project after what he did to help me. Logically, in business, it’s all about money. Even if you want to keep a good relation with certain party, money still wins. It’s silly to pay more. And “More” in this case is almost 6 times more expensive. Gotta be kidding me.

So again, he’s being polite to me. Although I didn’t know him, he made it sound as if he was guilty if I lost the project. So he called just to let me know and maybe he would wished I could adjust my price, but I COULDN’T. “There’s no way I can give you that cheap. It’s ridiculous. Even the cost is more than that.” So I made it easier for him by saying, “You guys just go for the best price, ok?” And that, I made myself clear that I didn’t mind to lose the project. It’s all business here, nothing personal. I am being very rational that the best price wins. I mean, he doesn’t have to feel sorry because it wasn’t me who come to him and beg. He came to me first and asked me to try, so I tried. I wasn’t qualified enough, so I lost. As simple as that.

Why should I feel bad? Suddenly I feel like I lack in fighting spirit. I mean, why does it feel okay to miss a chance like that? It’s not a small job. Is anything wrong with me? Have I lost the fire to achieve something good? Ok, stop it!!! Hahahahahahahahaha. My justification is that – chances can come in many ways. In this case, I don’t purposely try to miss it. It’s just not in my capacity. I’m sure, there are things I can qualify more than any competitors out there, and this chance is not one of them. This is how I look at it. I shouldn’t feel bad at all, and I shouldn’t feel bad for NOT feeling bad :) The right chances will come at the right time, at the right hands. When those right hands are mine, I’m sure the rest of the competitors will react the same way as I did for this one :)

A Cute Love Story

2 hari lalu, I received a visit from this couple yg bakal kawin next month. Dorang ni dua2 pun kuat ketawa. Terjumpa lagi dengan sia yg kuat ketawa, so kerja kami ketawa ja. Hahahahahahaha. Rupanya ada cerita kiut tentang love story dorang ni.

Dorang ni jumpa di MIRC!!! Hahahahaahhaah. Omigawd!! All started in #Sabah. I tell you, kamu tidak tau berapa ramai couple yg actually start kenal dari Mirc and then the next thing you know, they are tying the knot. These people mungkin kawan2 chat kamu. Sepa sangka chat2 biasa pun akan menemukan jodoh dorang, kan? Okay, it doesn’t sounds so new ba kan? Wait until you hear this.

Dorang start chatting di #Sabah. Chatting secara random. Sempat tukar e-mail address before terpisah. Perempuan tu stop chatting sebab dia kena sambung school di sekolah asrama, so hubungan dorang stop di sana. Then, bila dia check mail, ada rupanya mail dari lelaki ni. So akhirnya dorang tukar gambar dan phone. Tapi here comes the cutest part. Pada masa tu, perempuan tu seorang yang sangat gemuk sehingga ke tahap obese, berat dia melebihi 100kg. Masa tu, muka dia langsung tidak cantik. Muka dia banyak jerawat, leher dia tenggelam sebab terlampau gemuk, dan kulit dia kotor dan hitam. Dia memang malu dengan muka dia masa tu. Tapi at the same time, dia mau teruskan berkawan dengan lelaki tu. So you guys know apa dia buat? Dia pegi save gambar Unduk Ngadau dari website, and crop bahagian muka ja, and kasi blur2 sikit gambar tu, dan bagi dengan lelaki tu, kununnya itu adalah pic dia!!! Hahahahahahahahahaha. Duii giaa. And then lelaki tu pun cakap dengan dia, “Buli tahan juga muka kau ni ah”. Hahahaha. Perempuan tu pun diam2 ja menipu. Kalau dia bagi dengan lelaki tu muka sebenar dia, mana lelaki tu mau kawan dengan dia. Itu anggapan dia masa tu.

And dalam masa berkawan dari jarak jauh tu, perempuan tu sedang melalui saat2 yang sukar bergelut dengan penerimaan kawan2 sekolah baru dia terhadap diri dia yang sangat gemuk. Perempuan tu cakap, satu perkara yang dia tidak akan lupa. Iaitu semasa pendaftaran pelajar baru. Dia masuk ruang pendaftaran tu, ada sorang budak lelaki cakap dengan dia, “Helo, salah tempat lah. Sini bukan zoo.” Diikut dengan gelak ketawa. Memang cukup mencabar hidup menjadi si gemuk yang hodoh, pada masa tu. So si perempuan ni bercadang untuk kuruskan badan sebab dia mesti jadi macam Unduk Ngadau dalam gambar tu sebelum dia jumpa dengan lelaki tu nanti. So, keazaman dia terlalu kuat. Dia tidak makan nasi selama 2 tahun dan jogging setiap pagi. Motivasi dia adalah kekasih dia yg belum dia jumpa tu. Dia ambil macam2 teh dan supplement. Sampaikan dia pernah pegi Slim World lagi untuk tolong dia kurus. Akhirnya, daripada berat 100 lebih kg, dia turun ke 68 kg. So imagine perubahan pada diri dia. Selepas dia turun berat badan tu, automatik kulit dia jadi cantik. Dia pun heran macamana kulit dia boleh jadi cerah dan halus. Bila sia tengok kulit dia, sia pun nda pecaya kalau dia cakap dulu dia tu hitam dan banyak jerawat. Sebab kulit dia cukup cantik dan halus. Memang amazing. Lemak2 yg dibuang tu mungkin membawa toksik keluar dari badan dia.

So akhirnya, selepas dua tahun, dorang berjumpa. Memang perempuan tu tetap tidak sama dengan Unduk Ngadau dalam gambar yang dia bagi tu. Lelaki tu ketawa dan cakap, “Ohhh kau tipu pula ahhh” but dorang masing2 ketawa tersipu-sipu. Lelaki tu sebenarnya tidak sempat tengok perempuan tu gemuk berlebihan. Dia cuma dapat tengok di gambar ja. Versi yang dia nampak tu adalah versi perempuan tu yg cantik. Tidak hairanlah hati si lelaki tu tetap terpaut, walaupun dia tipu dia selama 2 tahun dengan gambar Unduk Ngadau. Sia tanya lelaki tu, “Did you feel upset the first time seeing her?” He answered, “Langsung tidak. Semuanya ok saja.” Dia cakap yang dia memang suka dengan cara perempuan tu tanpa mengira muka dia. But sia rasa, biarpun dia tipu gambar tu, dia sebenarnya sangat honest tentang lain2 hal. Tidak hairanlah kalau hati lelaki tu tersentuh.

So bila menjelang perkahwinan dorang, dorang get to meet a stranger like me, and keluar semua cerita lama – sia rasa KAGUM dengan perempuan tu. Walaupun dia pernah jadi si gemuk yg hodoh, dia pernah tipu lelaki tu dengan kirim gambar yang salah, dan dia pernah diejek seolah-olah seekor gorila, dia mengaku boleh habiskan 5 pot nasi seorang diri saja, dan semua orang tidak percaya yg dia ada harapan untuk kurus, tapi dia punya keinginan tu sangat kuat. Masa dia bercakap, sia nampak satu strongwill yang sudah lalui macam2 onak dan duri dan still standing strong. Walaupun sekarang ni berat dia dalam 70kg lebih, dia rasa happy dan dia masih try untuk fight genetic dia yang memang keturunan badan besar. Jadi bila sia cerita dengan dia my little story of gaining weight and susah mau cari baju, suddenly it sounded too old school. Dia jauh lagi teruk daripada gaining weight and trying to lose it. For her, the extra weight is a curse to her from birth. So bukan senang untuk melawan faktor genetic. Suddenly sia rasa bersyukur dengan diri sia sebab sia complain macam2, tapi sebenarnya sia tetap lebih bernasih baik daripada dia.

Dia cerita juga satu peristiwa lucu macamana masa dia masih malu2 dengan lelaki tu time dorang baru jumpa, dia bawa lelaki tu makan di rumah. Masa tu dorang makan ramai2 di lantai. Then masa dia baru mau duduk bersila, seluar dia terkuyak di bahagian paha, dengan sound efek yang betul2 live and alive. Dekat pingsan kakak dia ketawa dari dapur. Masa dia cerita dengan sia tu, lelaki tu pun ikut ketawa ja mengenang masa2 lalu.

Tapi tengoklah sekarang. Dorang pasangan yg bahagia. Pasangan yang comel dan tidak banyak stress. Ini lagi sorang yang inspire me tentang kehidupan. Life ni bagi macam2 benda dengan kita, tapi kalau kita positif, memang outcome dia something like apa yg perempuan tu dapat. Biar la kalau dia masih berat 70 lebih kg, yang penting hati dia happy. Dia berusaha capai impian, dan ada diantaranya sudah berada di genggaman dia. Sia yakin perempuan ni akan pergi jauh. Sia rasa diri sia cuma beginner ja compared to her. And sebagai couple, sia yakin asas hubungan dorang yg macam tu akan menjadikan dorang lebih menghargai sesama sendiri sebab dorang pun menggunakan pendekatan yg betul untuk mencintai…iaitu cinta itu terletak di hati dan bukannya di mata.

Another cute story I’m thankful to learn about.

I want to be in one of those cute stories. Is it in the process of making? Hopefully. *giggles.

The Cashless Experience

Heya peeps. Ya guys know something? I have this habit of not bringing too much cash inside my wallet. It’s just my routine. In fact, I never actually check how much I have left. I usually will check at the time I need the cash. Then it’s a normal view to see me stumbling on my wallet trying to find for a “hidden treasure” inside it. Like, Hey, where’s the freaking 20 cents I need to put in the water machine? Hahahahahahahahahahhaha.

This is one funny habit that I have. I am so negligent when it comes to how much I have in my wallet. I usually will go to a shop, and look for what I want to buy, and put it at the counter, and only I check on my cash. Ouch! Is there any teller machine around here? I saw the expression on the faces of the cashiers. I thought they might think it was absurd to see something like that. How come someone could be so “careless” about how much cash she’s bringing. Yeahhh, I know it’s funny. I find it funny too. And sometimes, tiring. And sometimes, EMBARRASSING!!!! Hahahahahahahahahahahaha.

The “life jacket” for this habit is – I should at least put some effort on making rough calculation on the things that I take to the counter. At least, if I bring little cash, then make sure the things I buy are within the budget. But I proved that I didn’t even use that “life jacket” to save me from trouble. Hehehehe.

Last Saturday, this habit nailed right on my head. Served me right. Hahahahahaha. I took some groceries to the counter, knowing that I had little cash in my wallet. I was sure those things gonna fit my budget. Actually, I didn’t worry a little because I knew there is a teller machine just outside the supermarket. I knew it. But I was too lazy to stop and took some money before I went in and shopped. I thought that I might not need more money. Hahahahahahahaha. So after the cashier punched in the things, I saw the amount, it was just slightly off the budget. It was less than RM2 off the budget. It was so stupid. Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha. With people queuing behind me, I told the cashier, “Ouch! Can you wait?” Then I walked quickly to teller machine. I came back with a smile. I was a bit embarrassed because I made the rest wait. But I managed to control my composure, so nobody actually threw that irritated look at me.

This thing became a habit to me. I don’t know why. I only need to know that the teller machine is around at the shopping mall that I go to, then everything will be safe. This habit gets really creepy sometimes. Sometimes it left me sweating thinking that I might not have a freaking dime at all at the minute I want to use it. Hahahahahhahahahaahaha. With this kind of absent-mindedness, I don’t think it’s impossible. Luckily, the teller machine is everywhere. This is actually the reason why I don’t bother taking cash with me. Yeah, for someone who is using cash all the time, this habit is becoming very hilarious, I must say!

But this habit saved me from greater loss. When my handbag was stolen before, I didn’t have to grieve more that I did. I lost very few cash – all I needed was my new bankcard and I could handle the rest of the difficulties the stupid thief caused me. Maybe I feel so comfortable that the bank keeps my money. But it’s certainly is not the reason why I should go shopping cashless, right? 256, don’t say I don’t warn you. I certainly don’t want you to tell the cashier this, “Can you guys please apply for a teller machine to be located outside this shop?” The last time I said that, they cashier almost choked with laughter. She thought I was kidding. *Lols. Yeahh, okayy okayyyyyyy… I TRY NOT to do it again. Don't let the bed bug bite you twice, is it? Hahahahahahahahahah. Have fun all!

The Good Old Things

Hey peeps. I’m trying to find an excuse to write something here in my blog today. You guys realize that I don’t blog everyday like usual, as of late. But I think you guys understand that sometimes I’m bothered by my unfinished works and sometimes I didn’t have the time to go online. So if you guys think that my attention is now distorted from this little humble blog of mine, you’re totally wrong.

Okay, just borak2 kosong la this time okay? Hehehehe. Well, immunity should go down as we grow older right? But it’s a bit different with me. When I was younger, I couldn’t beat any fever or cold. I couldn’t. Once I have the sign of getting a fever, I would definitely have to run the full cycle to recovery. The runny nose, the hours or a day of lying down on the bed, feeling so weak and my body would be engulfed with heat that slowed down the whole system. My eyes would be teary and red. Yeah, that was the old days. I couldn’t believe it myself that I actually stopped a fever before it even happened again. It happened a few times this year. When I got the sign, I just knew that my body is stronger to beat it. So what I did next? I actually went and enjoy a few glasses of ice drinks to tell my fever that “I’m not scared of you” anymore. Hahahahaahahahahahaha!

A few days ago, I got the sign of getting a fever. So, now that it was only the 4th day since the sign, I’m still totally energetic. Just that, at nite, the fever is coming up a little bit telling me that “Hellooo 256? My name is “the fever” and I’m in your body, ok? It’s not like I’m not here at all, okay??” (*Lols). Yeah, I still have to turn off the fan and let my body sweat a bit just to “tame the fever” and let it know that “Yeahh right…Like I don’t know you’re still there.” Hahahahahahaha. But…isn’t it great? I manage to get the fever inside the drawer as long as I need my energy to work. And when it’s time to rest, then only I realize that I actually have the fever. Hehehehehe.

Since that you get to see my old hair (actually this hair was not far behind me, just a few months back), then it reminds me of the hairstylist that got to colour my hair twice, and cut it once. While I was sitting in his saloon, he told me a lot of stories just so I didn’t get bored. He told me about Who He Was before. He told me he used to be “The bad young kid” who did a crime of stealing expensive stuff from the electric shop he worked with. I was shocked to hear it. He told me that he sold all the stuff at cheaper price and earned a LOT of money from it. From there, if he went shopping with a few hundreds, he considered that “moneyless”. So listening to his story…Who would have guessed, a guy who talked so softly, considered good-mannered and very funny – was Once a thief. He said the young mind thinks differently. Luckily he didn’t go to jail once the boss found out. He got fired and that’s all. He also told me how his beautiful ex-girlfriend actually left her for an internet guy, after him spending thousands on her, and after accepting her despite her bad background with guys before him. He also told me about how he was hired to be the emcee of a wedding at a renowned hotel, but he was only paid RM50 when even the new shirt that he wore cost him RM 80, and the worst thing was, he didn’t even get to gulp a drop of water, not to mention any foods. I listened every word he said. This man went through a lot, I thought. Now, there he was. Brushing colours on my hair. The past doesn’t spell your present, agree? I have friends who told me that they once took drug or they punched their friend half dead – or anything that you could not imagine people like them doing --- but in the present time, they are a somebody some people look up to. Luckily, I don’t have a good story to exchange with them. I never tried all the stuff that could make the headlines. But here we are, talking to each other, as if we both had never been friends to the bad stuff. He and I make no difference, regardless our past. What matters is, we are here, standing on the same ground, exchanging smiles and gestures, talking the same language. They are right. The past can’t hurt them that much. Tomorrow is another day and these people have proven to me exactly that. You can let your past from NOT interfering your future. Let them be good enough to be written in your autobiography first few chapters and nothing more. Again and again I told myself that, how come life is just really a puzzle after another.

I hope the puzzle that I’m going to solve next will be revolutionary.

The only bad news is – your can’t rely on your good past for your present victory. Fair enough, right? :)

In Your Wildest Imagination…

Our imagination is limitless. We can imagine doing anything or be anyone without harming our reality. We can become the richest person, the strongest superhuman, the most beautiful and seductive female or the most wanted criminal on this earth. With this ability that our mind has, we can do and be the unthinkables. The bad thing is, sometimes we are not in the position to make the good imagination becoming a reality, and the good thing is, we can imagine anything bad and dangerous and still be totally untouched by them. Imaginations only happen in the mind and for those who has the good imagining skill, imagination feels like almost real!

Some things are only meant to be imaginations and nothing more. It’s just entertaining “possibilities” that involves our desires, experience the thrill of the alternate lives and just to have a touch of “something else” beside our reality. To me, the ability to imagine is one very amazing gift. With it, we can explore this life without having to move our feet.

I am “quite” an imaginative person. What this makes me? When I read a storybook, it’s like watching a movie in my head. A good author can make me “produce” a totally extravagant big-budget movie in my head. So no wonder I feel every single emotion that the characters are feeling. This is how I decide if an author is good or not. One of the authors that can make me run wild on my imagination is Judith McNaught. I read quite many of her romance novels and believe it or not, I found myself crying and laughing so lively as if I were watching a very good movie. Other than thanking good authors like her, I think I should thank myself because I don’t think everyone have that imaginative skill that can make you create another world of wonderland in your mind. It’s great.

Ok, now on to a more thrilled section. WHAT IF…you can BE, or DO all you want in your wildest imagination? I mean, Now you don’t only have to imagine, but you can actually DO and BE what you always imagine about? And the best part is, you can LIVE YOUR WILDEST imagination and this won’t disturb your body or your reality at all. Remember when I wrote about “What if this universe doesn’t have rules?” Yeah, imagine all the things you want to do if this life doesn’t have rules. So now, you continue from there, and what if someone tells you that GO AHEAD and do it. No harm will happen to you. You body and real life won’t be affected at all! And you still get to experience that wildest imagination of yours! Those who watched the movie SURROGATES will understand what I’m talking about. SURROGATES are robots that are operated by normal people like you and I, doing what they want to do, be what they want to be, with them operating the robot from home. They control everything with their mind. It’s in fact, yourself inside the robot, but not using your body. Your body is lying at home, as your robot is doing everything according to what you desire. If you get shot or hit, you are still perfectly intact and unharmed! It’s just the robot and your wildest imagination at work. Okay, I haven’t seen the movie. I only watched The Making Of…but still I don’t plan to watch it. But I lurvee the idea that it brings. According to them, this is gonna take over this world in 10 years. This earth will be filled with Surrogates and not real humans. Ouch! I mean, not that far!!

This world is going to be A BIG MESS of imagination games if that happens. But if that is available as a limited option, I think it can be fun. We all know that we only have One Body and One Life. You can’t be a noble person and a bad person at once. Chances are, you can only imagine to be so. Imagine how many times we have to stop ourselves from doing what we want because we don’t want to ruin our good names and reputation. Sometimes you envy those who don’t care about all those. We envy those who don’t have so much to put in lines. I mean, they are so much in touch of life compared to you. You’ve been holding your breath forever!! Imagine you were this respected young leader in you community, you can’t just let yourself mix with the street guys and do their thing right? I mean, you might think it could be fun if you can join them and feel the way they are having fun, but your reality won’t allow you because your can’t risk everything just for the sake of “trying to take a break” from your uptight reality. In this case, the Surrogate technology can certainly help. It’s giving you the freedom that you never imagine having. So it’s almost like exactly living your imagination and still be who you are in reality. It’s totally another great power that gives merit to the human being entertaining their human desires – experiencing the alternate life that they choose to have without losing their reality.

Would I opt for a surrogate to run my life? No, BUT I want more than that, actually. Hehehehe. I want to live my daily life and at the same time, my surrogate is doing its own thing somewhere out there, totally using my own mind. Just that, my surrogate will do all the RISKY things that I won’t do. I want my surrogate to carry out duties that I won’t do because of my constraints on safety and others. But, I might want my surrogate to be A MAN. *giggles. Why? Because while it’s doing its job for me, it doesn’t to deal with people trying to take advantage of it just because it’s a female. And I want that my surrogate guy to get straight to business, get what it wants and doesn’t have to entertain double standards of “oh you’re a female, I don’t think you’re fit enough”. And if I can have another surrogate, I also want it to be female. Heheheheehehehe. What this female surrogate will do is to DO ALL THE FEMALE THINGS that I might want to try but I don’t have the heart to do it because it’s not my routines. I certainly want my female surrogate to be one hot lady, wears the sexiest things I would never wear in public. *Lols. I would also try having some nitelife with my friends, to go anywhere I feel like going, and meet all kinds of people, because I plan to make this surrogate as the unashamed version of me. I would just go on the stage and singing and dancing like some superstar, and would offer herself to do any kind of presentation without getting cold feet or overtaken by nervous, and she would go and approach anyone to get what I want – yeah… I’m going to totally use my surrogates to carry out my limitations. *giggles. But maybe I’m asking too much right? Hehehehe. Because I want me and my surrogates to operate at the same time, just at different place. Yeahh 256, STOP IT cos you’re asking too much!!! Hahahaahahahahahahahaha.

Imaginations are something really fun. But put it anywhere below reality, ok? Hehehehe. Keep the imagination juices flowing everyone! *Lols. Muahsss