In The World Of “Every Man For Himself”

My parents used to say this since many years before. We must start attending weddings and parties, so that they will return the favour. They always scare us with, “If you don’t come, no one will come to your wedding.” Living in the kampung culture, I guess that this is never yet too obsolete for them. We still hear that line to this day. We failed to attend a lot of wedding invitations. In my case because I was away from home for so many years. I mean, I did not stay at home for almost all my 365 days in a year during those years. But even I didn’t get exempted. So now I’m still to be punished for my unintentional crimes. Then recently when my parents said that line again, then I got something to reply. “Are you sure that everyone whose wedding we attended; will attend ours?”

Then my parents said, “Of course. That’s the way it is.”

But my parents were wrong. During my brother’s wedding a few years ago, there were some relatives who were not present. And my parents attended all the events from those families, be it weddings or birthdays. So? Why didn’t they come. My parents did go and ask them after the event. They were giving some funny excuses, like, “Oh, all of us got food poisoning that time, we all went to the clinic that day.” Then you would assume they were lying. Or maybe they could be telling the truth. Would you go extra mile to find out the truth? Or just let them be?

That’s why. When you do something, you can’t always expect people would do you the same favour. This is one big factor of frustration and heartache in people. EXPECTATIONS. I have learnt my lesson the hard way. Expectations for other people always bring disappointment. Never rely or depend too much on others. Their next move might just crush your dream, just like that. Don’t let them.

I give you another tips. Whatever that you do, you must learn to do it with sincerity. The more sincere you are, the safer. Sincere means you would still do it even if you won’t get paid, or get back what you give. Of course, you can always rely on “What you give, you get back” but still, it’s better to feel wholeheartedly volunteer to do something. If you can’t do it, then don’t. It’s much better than writing down all your deeds and waiting for the reward, and it just never comes. Then you start cursing life in your own unique way. Would it do any good to you, you think? Life still goes on, right?

This is the world where you can’t really trust must, depend much, more than you do ON YOURSELF. Cos at least you know, the next thing that your hands and feet do, is an order from your own brain, which you have control of. Even that, you are still not really in control sometimes. Not to mention the rest of the things in this universe that you totally have no power over. Have you read the quote saying, “Even your own shadow will leave you when you are in darkness”.

Using the example above, when you attend a wedding event, attend because you think you want to attend to just be part of it. Think about the foods, the musics, the people – feel good about doing something for others. And lastly, it’s better to not expect that by you coming there, you make them owe you. I choose not to do so. Why would I do so? I keep a positive mind thinking that even if all this people won't attend my own event, it's okay. I create such a world where as long as we do things with good intention, things can’t get too far wrong. EXPECT LESS and start to let go hard feelings for others. We just never know. They have their own battle too. So good news is. You TOO should do the same. Go right ahead and achieve the life that you want, without much interference from others. The less you expect from others, the more powerful you become in your own life.

Still, I believe, in the world where every man for himself, it doesn’t mean that we better off as strangers. We still have unwritten rules for a better life. Honour Familyship. Honour Friendship. Be there for one another for support any time possible. In case they can’t repay you, you know who will…. God :) Just feel good and fully enjoy being In Power In Your Own Life. Lets do it!!

We Can't Eat Money

Money is only made of paper, we can’ eat paper, can we? We use money to trade for things that we can actually consume. We can buy foods with that money then only we can eat something out of that money. It’s not the money itself that can fill the stomach. This is all so cliche, I know. But sometimes not sure if we remember what money is. It’s just a trade tool. The more you have, the more you can buy. But hello? Please. Money is NOT ALIVE. It doesn’t have a soul. It doesn’t have a heart. Let alone, have a LOVE. How can u be related to something so much when that thing doesn’t even recognize you by your name? Sometimes I think, we just give Money a high rank in our lives, that we forget about all this. Money doesn’t even CARE for us!

I know it sounds silly to speak that way. But please, remember that. I’m afraid, sometimes we forget about this silliest fact about money. How can we let something like this DESTROY us. What made me write this post is when I think, if we get close to the fact that money is only what it is, we won’t let it be above the things that are alive. Sometimes we quarell and disown each other, because of some mistakes made about Money. Sometimes even family never talks again, because of some argument about money. Cos Money, like my past post said, Is The Chief Devil. YOU make it the chief devil. Oh Money. How come you do this to humans?

Sometimes when a problem arise from money, when someone cheats your money, when someone steal your money, Yeah, it can bring your life upside down. Cos without money, we will face all kinds of troubles in this temporary life. Yeah, of course, it will also temporarily make us feel “disabled” because everything in this materialistic world needs money before you can get them. But can we just put a limit to this? Can we just not forget that while money doesn’t have a soul, OUR FAMILY HAS. We can’t hurt one another just because of something soul-less like money, agree? So whatever problem that we get ourselves in which involves money, IT’S NOT THE END. You don’t pick a dagger and stab your family or friends – just because of a piece of freaking paper, you get me?? Find a solution. Do not enslave yourself to this notes. Come on people.

Let me give you some tips.

To make sure that money will always just be what it should be to you, you need to take cautions. Knowing that money is the chief devil appointed by humans, you know that humans can go bad because of money. You need to be SMART to always keep money under your feet, and not above your head. Try to always treat money moderately. So you know the amount of money that you need, enough for what you want to spend it for. If you don’t have enough, you save money, spend less, try to earn more. What always hurt you is when someone takes your money and never return. This is usually cause the hardfeelings towards one another. 

The tips is, when someone comes to you to borrow money, when you are not sure if he will pay you back, and u know u need that money for yourself, THEN DON’T LEND. Show your compassion by DONATING an amount that u can freely let go, thinking that you are helping a friend/a family. When the person comes to another person, if that person thinks the same way, give as much as he can to help, so the person in trouble will have more to settle his problem. The difference is, you don’t make someone owe u money, which when the person doesn’t pay, money will indirectly cause hatred and vengeance in your heart towards that other person because of the lost of trust. Learn to share the little bit that you have. Family in trouble, give them some extra to lighten their burdens. If you are in trouble, they do the same. That’s how u treat money as what it is. If you make mistake in handling your money, it will start “ruin” you. Don’t go there. So to those who are facing heartaches because of money, maybe try to think about this. 

When this world coming to an end, then you realize that money is really just a piece of paper. Please be wise in handling your money. They can’t be more important than those who have souls. Keep the world in peace and happiness, and MONEY shouldn’t ruin good relationship between humans. Lets be wise, peeps.

The Enforcer & The Preacher

I seldom have issues with people, even some like to put up a show, a drama, I’d watch, even how many episodes you are willing to give. I’m a peaceful person, trust me. If you share something good in Fb, I would take delight from every word. I’d be thankful. I’d be thankful for every good thing, as much as possible.

That’s why, when I start to feel a little out of way, I start to switch the sensing button. Why is this happening? Why does it bother me this time, unlike any other times. Why do I have bad feelings towards things that aren’t suppose to be bad. When I saw people sharing good wishes, good advice, I would expect myself to accept them all in a good way, why wouldn’t I?

It’s rare, but when it happened, I have identified why. It’s just sound quite wrong. I tell u why. You can be all this bitter person anytime of the day, cursing some people to just go to hell and stuff like that. Stuff that I can never make public, which I won’t even dare to say to others, and even if I say it, I’d never ever be proud of it. Some people are just too generous with expressing hatred and clear cut swearing even if it's only for minor reasons. But still, I’m not judging. I accept that people have ways of doing things. Although it’s not in my favour, still, I also might have a way that not in most people’s favour. Fair enuff.

Then imagine, when I open my page, and I saw some people sharing words of positivity, about being grateful, about doing peace, about respecting one another especially the elderly, about feeling good about one’s life no matter what. All those things. It felt so awkward. I’m used to hear so much bitter words, and the same person would even wish others “to just go and die tragically”, was promoting totally a life free from all the things that used to be overly promoted. Then I went, EmmmmmmmmmmmmMMMM…

So I thought, Oh Okay, People change, right.

Then just before I wanted to adapt to the new personality, just when you speak words of love, joy and peace a moment ago, it happened quite too fast to finally speak the word of grudges and full of suscipion towards others. Not even being reserved or trying to hold back a bit. Everything looks like people are always bad and they are good. Far from having the kind of respect for others, even to at least try not to make enemies. It was just TOO CONTRAST, I got really confused. Which one is really you? Come on!!

Split personality? I appreciate every preach you make. I enjoy positivity too. But don’t do this to just simply “let me down” when you change into another personality in a split second. So the next time when you start to wish for World Peace, you don’t go and declare a World War the next few moments. I couldn’t help but feel disturbed. And this is not too normal for me to feel this way. Unless it’s just too disturbing. When I wake up at wrong hour, and again, fed with the wrong words, it’s just much of an eye sore to me. Sometimes there’s the little voice, hey, can u just practise what you preach!! You don’t make a law today and enforce totally the opposite. Stop confusing people about your laws!!

 

Maybe I’m just a little upset. Cos whenever you speak of good things, I thought u MEANT it :) Maybe we all just wait for the day when the preacher, can be the enforcer at the same time. It’s okay, We’ll wait for the day…:)

Get A Faith, You People!!

 News like this brings an impact for the believers. Alleluia. 

I try to avoid as much as I can, topics that could bring uneasiness in any of you, in case your view is different from mine. But okay, give me this honour to write, since this is my blog. Agree? 

 In a society that you are in, you don’t expect that everyone is like you, eat what u eat, drink what u drink, watch what you watch – let alone, Believe what you believe. If you can go to people and start speaking in awe about the philosophy that you devote to, people can do that too. We share the same ground, equally, am I right? 

If you are lazy to wake up one Sunday to go to church, you hate it when your mom has to wake you up and nag to you to start dressing up cos the mass will start soon, and you hate it even more that someone told you not to do this and that, and you hate it when you feel guilty when you want to do it anyway, then you start to rebel and claim that religion is null and void to you, and that religion doesn’t work for you, and only fools have religion. Then you start to make it more dramatic by pointing out errors cos there are people who use religion to get money from other people, and you just use that excuse to punish that everyone in that religion is corrupted and crooked. To make yourself more relevant, and not blamed for being radical, you even broadcasting your hatred and mockery every chance you have. Cos maybe the more you do that, the more you prove that your choice of disowning your religion is one correct move and that you don’t even have a compassion left for it. Then when you realize that you overdo it, you start to take back some of your words and reinstate yourself, that – No, I don’t hate the God, only the people, those corrupts who abuse religions for money. Now bravo, just because of that, guess that you don’t even have to memorise a prayer anymore, and you can go right ahead do your life without any rules – and you can tell yourself everytime, It’s okay to do this, it’s okay, didn’t I do enuff telling others that I’m not part of that religion anymore? So now I can do everything I want without guilty. Yeeehahhhh! –Oh, is that so? 

I don’t get the part when you have to address the religion so shamefully and make fun of the things that used to be your values in life. I don’t get it why do you need to even make a joke out of of yourself, showing a level of desperation to spread bad force around, showing off how you are reversing your gratefulness - and how much approval do u need to get to clear that guilt away, that you have to prove your hatred to that extent? What I know is, whatever you say, whether you mean it or not, it doesn’t change THE TRUTH up there. It doesn’t UNTRUE my God, and it doesn‘t nullify my values, and it surely doesn’t just make me A Bad Person just because you claim to be The Good One. But it does change people perception about you. And you make people start questioning, if ever that u take the right move to back out from a so called Bad-Religion, oh, behaving that way won’t help it. Cos it doesn’t take a genius, how good can a person be when he/she has No Respect for others. You don’t have to prove your genuineness through negative words or insensitive commentary – if you think you can try to influence others with your way, most likely it won’t work cos just like you, others believe what they believe because THEY HAVE SEEN WONDERS in their Faith. And as much as they believe in their religion, for sure they won’t say anything bad about others’ religions. That’s what Religions do to the believers. It teaches us the values we should live by. Even if you decide you’re too tired for your religion, it’s sad that you bring nothing good back with you. AT LEAST THE RESPECT for OTHERS. Not because you think they are good, but at least because you Are. 

I suggest You Get A Faith. That will do the trick :)

Doc, You’re Right! (Tribute to Dr. Richard Teo)

I’m sure everyone of u have heard of Dr. Richard Teo, the beautician doctor, who performed all kinds of beauty alterations to his patients, and then earned so much money to afford expensive luxurious life, which he thought the key to his happiness. He got really rich and self sufficient, he didn’t have space for God anymore – thinking that he could do it all by himself. Until he was diagnosed with lung cancer Stage 4, got months to live. And finally, he has left us on 18th October 2012 for good after losing the battle. He managed to give his Last Speech which then goes viral in the internet. I picked to read instead of watch. It just got more interesting from one paragraph to another.

My highlight is…He Said It.

“True joy I discovered comes from interaction. Over the last few months I was so down. Interaction with my loved ones, my friends, my brothers in Christ, my sisters in Christ, and only then was I able to be motivated, able to be uplifted. To share your sorrow, to share your happiness – that’s true joy.”

There is a lot of good stuff there in the speech. I suggest you to read it, and see if you can relate to it. I’m sure the line above, is the thing that can relate to everyone, at least the part where he finally declared that it’s about the relation with the people we love and care for, matters more than the relation we have with the wealth and worldly cares. Aren’t this answer your question, my dear friends?

I have asked this question much earlier than this. Especially before I started my career now. When I was still jobless. Thinking of what job to do, was really tough that time. I sensed that I might not want what the society expected me to do, and that included my parents. I felt there was sthing wrong with my life journey, cos I didn’t feel like this was what I wanted. Because of the urge, I took my time to THINK – And I asked that question to myself, What is the purpose of being alive? What is it that humans want? 


Then I looked for the answer, squeezed my brain everyday, and then I came up with HAPPINESS. In my pursue to this, even to this day, I just feel not that connected to the materialistic side of this world has become today. I’m just not that kind of person who finds pleasure in getting everything. I always learn to be happy with my average life, and it’s hard for me to envy those who have more. It’s not that I tried not to envy, but I thought that although life would be better having what they have, but if my life is tailor made this way for me, I wouldn’t want to trade it with anything else, cos this life IS FANTASTIC. I thought that my work, my passion and my moderation is finally leading the way to my happiness. I thought I was right all along. 

Until earlier this year, I finally realized that I’ve been really selfish. I was showed in many ways that my life looked really sweeter when I spent time with my family, did sthing for them and made them happy. After all the years, they were there to tolerate with me, not even once that I thought I owed them anything. I thought it was their responsibility to cope with me. So Thank God, for such a wisdom. I finally connect more to the fact that – It’s not my passion, it’s not my work, or all my effort to prove a point to other people – IT’S THEM. My lovely family. More than ever, I finally think that this is not just sthing that I should do, this is sthing that I WANT to do. So I came out of my selfish shell, and in every possible way, I want to contribute. I want to cheer them up. I want to be the little reason behind their smile. And when I found sthing like that in Dr. Richard’s speech, I went like, Oh Man Oh Man. You said it. And you said it right!! Thanks for making me feel that I’m in the right way. A person who spent his last chances to finally do thing THAT REALLY MATTER, I find the approval so enlightening. I’m delighted. God’s plan is just indescribable.

Dr. Richard Teo, Rest In Peace. You are in better hands now.

READ THE SPEECH 

 http://www.heavenaddress.com/Dr-Richard-Teo-Keng-Siang/424153/379719/content

WATCH THE VIDEO OF HIM GIVING THE SPEECH 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=umLkfADe17s

Unfailing My November Blog Challenge

The Challenge Begins Today. Bear with me. :)

"I Won't Give Up"

Finally a post in September. Better late than never...ehehe. One of my bathroom singing again. I think you should know the song by Jason Mraz. And one more thing, I think that it's a perfect line for me at this time. I've been tested on how strong I can still maintain my high spirit. I hope you guys too. Don't ever give up. We are Fighters, we are Winners :))

You need to download Adobe Flash player to see the play button below. 

Note: See you guys in October :))

He, The Way I Like It And Why...

 

Yeah, attraction can just happen spontaneously. But most don’t last long. It can get so heated up really quick and gets cold just as quick. Can you explain? I never try to explain why. I just let it uncover on its own. I just watch as things slowly show their worth in my life. I saw how things are getting my extraordinary attention, but just for a short while. You realize that it’s not worth keeping. Somehow I thank God for it because I don’t wish to waste more time on things that don’t matter. 

Then there he is. Always there regardless the little unknown thing that was going on before. What he knows is he’s always there, putting himself in the zone that is prepared for him. Sometimes I wonder if he does get tired. Me being a person that is not so easy to handle, he has all the reason why he just can lose the fire any sooner than expected. But looks like he has his way of handling it. I saw that he means it all this time. He does. 

 And then…I realize something more. I notice that his specialty is that he doesn’t Burden me the way others do. He wants to be the one who gives attention instead of just getting mine. He wants to be the one who listens more than I do listen to him. He let me talk everything I want, even if he’s too sleepy, he’ll let me cos he wants me to know that he has ears for all that and more. Although he could not spare so much thought on every single words and I have all the right to nag and sulk – but in my own limited wisdom, I just feel his sincerity more than anything else. I feel that after all said and done, he actually treats me the way I always want to be treated. Some guys don’t get it. 

They might come to me cos they think I am the most reliable person around. They like to make me their confidante. Their counselor, and they want so much to tell me a lot of things so that I can feel how important I am to them. They want to remind me how special and talented and rare I am, that they keep highlighting it to me. They can even tell me again and again how attractive can I be in some guys eyes – just because of the so called rare qualities. Yeah, if u were in my place u can imagine how flattered u’d be. But then, coming to this point of my life, I wonder if it’s what I want. I don’t know if it matters to get people flattering me for the good things – and feel needed – and feel useful – Somehow I want to take a break. I realize that I’m not a Superwoman. I wonder if they think it’s cool for me to be doing all that.

Yeah, I’m glad that I do something for others. Just to be their ears mean a lot to them. But as a woman, I do want to be, simply a woman to a man. A woman who is fragile and whose heart need to be taken care of, instead of me taking care of his heart all the time. Now I get it…Now I know. This man does it exactly what I like and it took some time before I notice. He’s the only man who doesn’t make me feel like “an idol” that he can only admire from a distance, and think that I’m untouchable and that he can just watch from afar. No, he’s not. He’s determined that he can grab me and hold me like a man holds his someone dear. He makes me feel like a mortal human. That he can say something and hurt me and make me cry, and he doesn’t judge me by my tears. 

Now I know why he’s earns that space. I just cant explain it for such a long time. But I just let him occupy that space in my life. And I think he doesn’t expect too much from me. That’s one of his winning points. Cos others just put this kind of expectation that I know I can never achieve and will judge me for every wrong move just to unreign me from being a benchmark. I never want to be a benchmark in the first place. Why make me one? This is the thing that most guys don’t get it. But him…he just comes and he doesn’t need a guideline. He just does his things and only today I know he’s been doing all things right. He gives me comfort to be myself. I can just go ahead and play the lil girl and he will get entertained. He will let me. He will not need anymore proof that I am as smart as he used to think I am. He has done judging me for a long time. 

Now I know…Now I know… I can never think this post is as important as it is. But it is important. Cos never before that I put it so right into words The Way I Like It and Why. He just defines it all for me. Thanks, you are the man :) 

 

You Against The World

Am I Forgiven?

My mind wanders at one chapter of my past. It doesn’t matter who I have become today, still my past is always part of me. No matter how many things I have shared with people, how many people I have helped with my words, and how many hearts I have soothed just by lending my ears – Still… I did some big mistake in the past. Whether I was fully or half conscious what I was doing that time. At the time when life was generous to me, I remember feeling grateful but how on earth I could take certain decision that was almost heartless and so out of this world; judging from my rationality. Was that even me? I browsed around Facebook and saw the page of my ex. He is using his full name so I bet he doesn’t mind to be discovered. My little thought said to me that he might consider the possibility that I might just come across his Fb and find out that he’s still alive – and yes, he’s having a good life. 

 I remember when things didn’t work out between us – how I have hurt this man so badly. The kind of hurt that he didn’t deserve to get. A man like him is just so rare. He’s really the type who will not have 2 ladies in his life. Just one and only one. Never once that I ever felt jealous – and what I did to him was totally the opposite. Whether he didn’t trust me enough or I did deserve the doubt. I was really different back then. I enjoyed having a relationship, but I didn’t want more than that. Whether I was not ready or maybe I thought he was not the man for me. I remember feeling so happy but why I couldn’t see him more than a loving boyfriend. I noticed his effort of keeping me happy and excited. I did realise feeling so much appreciation towards this man. And he was not just there to waste my time cos he really wanted us to be more than that – but why was I not ready for that. I let him wait too long just because I could not make my mind. I thought that I would be ready but I could not. Eventhough I have my sets of reasons why, still, he didn’t deserve to be treated that way. I broke his heart so badly. I just couldn’t be the lady of his life. This is how I understand why some women break their man’s heart by refusing to take it further. It just didn’t feel right back then. I could foresee that I won’t be happy with him in the long run. I wonder if I was too selfish. But didn’t I have the right to decide what’s best for me? STILL, he didn’t deserve that pain. Not from someone he thought was “The One” made for him. I deserved crying and traumatized by all this. I deserve having my tears falling from the pain of breaking his heart. I deserved feeling sorry and crushed. I just couldn’t get it why I didn’t just simplify the story and accepted his proposal. I would be a good ending for a mutual relationship. I could slap myself for that mistake, but still I knew I was deciding the best for me that time. 

Now that time has passed, he has moved on. I don’t know what he felt when I told him I WAS SO HAPPY that he found someone else. He never talked to me after that, ever. I thought I hurt him again cos he wanted me to feel hurt instead of happy. He wanted me to feel his pain so he put his relationship status and wife’s name for public to see, so I could click the wife’s profile too. I wonder if any one of my assumptions was right. As I browsed some pictures (which I thought are purposely made public), I could see his happy face with his spouse. I felt so relieved. I hope those are genuine and not just cover up. I remember praying to God so he could have a happy life after my episode. I have this guilt for so long already. Maybe I have received my punishment too. Not to mention how long I was being emotionless and unprepared for another relationship after him. I’VE DONE MY TIME RIGHT? Now free me from this guilt. I believe that he and I were not meant to be. I hope he has forgiven me completely cos it’s my turn to move on :) The right person at the right time. Maybe he was not destined to be with me. 

NOTE: FORGIVE ME :)