Stop Comparing Me With Anybody, Understand?!

I start to freak out when people have certain expectation towards me. I don’t know which part of it that I begin to make people think and believe in something, and have certain impression about me. I just go with the flow. Though I am someone who is always hard on what people gonna say about me, but when I mingle with a new society as I age, I don’t really try that hard anymore. I just present myself the best I can in most comfortable manner. That’s all.

And nevermind about which part of this that goes wrong, before I know, I am already put in this position where some people appreciate my good qualities and here comes the bitter part; they start to compare me with the people who they used to look up to, and find analytically the reason HOW and WHY these people and me is better than the other. Now you tell me how stressful could that be. The funny part is – I Don’t Ask for all this. In other words, DON’T COMPARE ME WITH ANYBODY, UNDERSTAND!! Yes, even if I’m gonna win all the points, I refuse to be compared. Even IF I were that good, it’s still not to my favour that anybody put me as the benchmark to what is good, what is better. No! Please Don’t Do That!

No kidding. I have received some remarks lately. I was put in the Battle of 2 Women that I was involuntarily involved and judged. And guess what? “This self-proclaimed jury” said to me the verdict. “You’re more -- than her. You’re more -- than her. You’re more -- than her. You’re more -- than her. In other words, you are BETTER than her in Everything.” I almost dropped my jaw. No, I wasn’t impressed with the evaluation. You can say anything flattering to me. I’m not a kid anymore. I don’t buy free compliments. It was cruel to the other person, and it was also cruel to myself because now I have to prove that I really deserve all the glory of winning the battle. Gotta be freaking kidding me!

NO, STOP IT! I don’t want to hear all that! I am just a normal human being and I am indeed very weak myself. I don’t want any eyes to set on me and wait the moment that I do wrong. One wrong move and already I’m crushed. NO YOU IDIOT! Stop It! I don’t ask for all this. Please just let me be a human being that YES I make mistakes and yes I am not that good. Never ever compare me with any woman because I KNOW FOR SURE, whoever that woman is, she’s good in her own definition. Please just accept me as who I am and I have nothing to prove. I really really do have nothing to prove because I never tell you guys that I am good. You can only talk to me, see my work and you know what is good, what is not. Just appreciate me in areas that I’m good at and just accept me and my weaknesses. Stop Comparing Me With Anybody!!

Maybe It's Not All About Getting The Best...

Hi guys… you guys sedarkah one fact about hidup ni? Kita sentiasa mencari sesuatu yang bagus sedangkan sesuatu yang bagus tu biasanya terpulang kepada PENERIMAAN kita sahaja. It’s all about us accepting things as they are.

Dalam hidup kita sehari-hari…cuba pikirkan satu perkara. Kita sentiasa mencari perkara2 yang terbaik, mencari org yang terbaik untuk dijadikan kawan, mencari barang yang terbaik untuk dibeli, mencari baju yang terbaik untuk dipakai… all those stuff la. Imagine la tekanan yang kita hadapi hanya untuk dapat perkara2 yang terbaik dalam hidup kita. Istilah TERBAIK itu pun satu perkara yang SUBJEKTIF dan tiada satu standard yang sama yang boleh dipakai oleh semua orang.

But one point dalam life sia, sia discover yang IT’S NOT ALL ABOUT THE BEST thing, but it’s all about how to make something THE BEST it can become to us. You want example? Bukan semua perkara tu kita ada pilihan. Example yg paling bagus, if you have a child la. You tidak boleh pilih. You akan terima seadanya anak darah daging kamu sendiri. Apa pun kelemahan dia, kamu akan terima. Kamu akan tetap sayang dia. Macam juga kita sendiri sebagai anak. Kita tidak boleh pilih siapa ibu bapa kita atau siapa akan jadi keluarga kita. Baik buruk dorang kita akan terima. Walaupun ada perkara yang buat hati kita sakit hati, perkara yang buat kita tertekan – kita akan cari juga perkara2 baik untuk dihargai. Dan guess what – macamana teruk pun, sia confirm u guys still boleh cari begitu banyak perkara untuk disyukuri.

Aha… then masuk dalam subjek mencari pasangan hidup. Dari masa kita mula2 sudah mengenal perasaan untuk mencintai dan dicintai, kita mula menetapkan standard macamana pasangan yang kita mau. Masa awal2 tu, kalau buli, kita mau yang paling baik, paling cantik, paling pandai, paling kaya, paling memahami, dan macam2 jenis paling lagi. As you grow older, standard tu sudah berubah. Kita mula kasi longgar sikit tu syarat. Kita cakap, cukup la kalau tu orang paham sia, sedap mata memandang, ada pendapatan tetap, ada pegangan agama…etc. Now you know maturity tells you the fact of life yang kita sebagai manusia yang tidak sempurna ini, apa saja yg datang dari kita pun tidak sempurna. Kadang2 kita punya permintaan tidak munasabah. Kita sendiri pun sudah tidak membuat satu jangkaan yang realistic terhadap apa yang boleh diberi oleh hidup ni sama kita.

Cuba u guys pikir… kalaulah kita tidak taruh jangkaan yang begitu tinggi, mungkin tekanan kita pun tidak begitu tinggi juga. At the end of the day, kita akan find juga the ways to accept things as they are. Contoh yang paling baik – your marriage. Mula2 tu you marry atas dasar cinta, but lepas kawin, u nampak semua baik buruk pasangan kamu. Lama2, mcm2 masalah timbul. Cinta pun semakin padam. Sudah tiada sudah perasaan berapi-api. But if you have the choice to leave your marriage, BELUM TENTU lagi kamu akan buat. Sebab apa? Sebab hidup sudah mengajar kamu bahawa IT’S NOT ALL ABOUT GETTING THE BEST. Your marriage is not the best thing for your life, but you kena pikir pasal anak2, keluarga, kewangan dan macam2 lagi. Akhirnya, marriage kamu tu terus bertahan, walaupun hati kamu terluka. Walaupun cinta kamu sudah berpindah sama orang lain yg bukan pasangan kamu. Kalaupun kekasih baru kamu tu sudah sedia tunggu kami lepaskan keluarga kamu, still belum tentu u akan lepaskan keluarga kamu tu. Sebab hidup ini LEBIH daripada just to GET THE BEST. Hidup ni adalah berkaitan dengan pengorbanan dan penerimaan.

Speaking of looking for the right one. Then the question arise. “What if your partner is the person yang semua org reject, dan hanya kau sorang saja yang dapat terima dia?” SO WHAT, kan? Kenapa mesti pikir pasal apa yang orang cakap. Kenapa la manusia ni terlalu sangat menyusahkan diri dengan benda2 mcm ni. Adakah kita sedar kehidupan ni terlalu singkat? Sia gerenti la, kalau la sia ni jenis org yang tidak dengar apa orang cakap, mungkin sia boleh 10 kali ganda lebih baik dari diri sia sekarang ni. Pikiran kita ni yang actually betul2 menyusahkan diri kita, menyesatkan emosi kita dan memporak-perandakan hidup kita saja.

Sia harap, dengan menulis perkara2 ini, sia boleh ajar diri sia sendiri untuk sedar akan erti sebenar di sebalik kehidupan ni. Sia kadang2 cuma pandai menulis saja, tapi sia sendiri pun sangat lemah. Sia cepat lupa dengan perkara2 magical yang sia discover about life. Sia harap, dengan tulisan2 sia di blog ni, sia sendiri boleh belajar sesuatu.

Anyway, one thing la. Sia selalu cakap perkataan “appreciate” sebab itu adalah satu verb yang betul2 indah. Kalaulah kita tau appreciate apa yang kita ada, kita akan rasa diri sentiasa bertuah, walaupun mungkin pada org lain, kita tidak lebih dari sebutir habuk saja. WHO CARES? Asal diri sendiri rasa yang kita ni cukup bertuah, teda sepa yang boleh kasitau kau sebaliknya. It’s myself and my life. None of their gawddamn business, kan? :)

SO, best atau tidak life ni – semua terpulang sama penerimaan masing2. I always go for – GIVING THE BEST to this life, and who knows it’s the only way that life can give you back the very best. And yet…THE BEST – is also defined by you. Think about it :)

"To Love You More"

After searching all over for the song, finally I found it. I first heard this song when I watched Celine's concert on tv. Thanks to Reuben who asked me to check out this song without him knowing that this was the song I've been looking all over for. I have been listening to this song for 2 days now, non-stop. Even last nite,I refused to turn off my pc because I couldn't get enough of the song. *giggles. I love the emotion of the song. That's how a song can penetrate the soul of a music lover like me. Music is a form of gift that can simply show you that this life is That Beautiful. *winks.

Help yourself with the music player okay. :)

Phone Number Punya Pasal

Dalam menjalani kehidupan sehari-hari, kita nda sedar yang kadang2 kita menyinggung perasaan org2 tertentu. Dan kadang2 kita terlampau tinggi diri dan pandang sebelah mata ja dengan orang2 yang betul2 mau berkawan sama kita. Jadi dalam ketidak-sedaran itu, kita tercakap benda yang kita tidak pun maksudkan sedangkan org lain anggap benda tu serius. Ini satu pengajaran untuk diri sia sendiri juga sebab apa la gunanya sia ada hati dan perasaan kalau sia tidak buli sedar yang ada hati2 yang betul2 terluka dengan sikap sia tanpa sia sedari.

Yes, I am a bit reserved when it comes to my personal details. When it comes to me and phone number, mimang ada sudah org tau yang sia ni ada susah sikit mau kurik hal2 peribadi. Bukan sia sengaja2 mau jual mahal ka apa, but ini mimang style sia kalau online. Bukan juga I’m too suspicious or what, but apa yang selesa untuk diri sendiri, itu la yang sia buat. Tidak payah mau kasi jelas panjang2. So, blending in with the online society yang cukup nice and menghiburkan, mimang tidak lari la kana minta phone number. I have this habit dari dulu, I don’t take calls from unknown number. And I only get phone calls from the most special people in my life saja. Now ada lain sikit sebab kerja punya pasal, mau tidak mau sia kena kasi juga my phone. But speaking of online community, sia mimang ada susah sikit leak my details sebab I always prepare for the worse yang my privacy akan terganggu. I have these few people who never got bored of tailing me, hoping that I will share something more with them. Yes, at least, the phone number!

Lama2, I pikir yang… Ala… why not just give this number to these few people who never stop asking. Maybe they want to have a chat with me or just listen to my voice. So when I thought I want to share my number, I told this someone, just to inform but not for approval. And he got really mad and disturbed. NO! you can’t give your number to these people. I was like, Ouch, why are you so mad? But I could give to the ladies, right? (Just trying to understand his madness). No, not even the ladies. It’s either ME or THEM. Inda pasal2 pula sia kana suruh buat pilihan. Kadang2 sia rasa suara sia ni macam tu buluh perindu baa pula. Hahahaahahahahahahahah. Just kidding.

Phone number punya pasal sia free2 kana teriak tu pagi. Phone number punya pasal juga sia sudah kasi sakit hati org2 yang tidak bersalah. Phone number punya pasal juga sia kena tuduh tiada pendirian dan sukar untuk didekati. Phone number punya pasal juga sia kena suruh buat pilihan dengan sepa sia patut berkawan. Apa jua korang mau cakap, sia terima saja seadaanya… dengan senyuman. Sia terlampau byk hal mau pikir selain daripada mau bergelumang sama masalah phone number ni. Sebenarnya, mimang terpulang sama sia ja ba mau kasi my phone ka tidak, cuma kalau ada pihak2 yang bermasam muka pasal tu, sia pun kena jaga hati org2 ini sebab sia hormat dan respect dorang. The fact that only a very small number of people yg ada access to me makes these few people think they deserve to be special and they have the permit, TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO? Ouchhh!!!

Oh come on. Stop this hassle. Can we just make it simple? Sorry sama sepa2 yang sudah tersinggung dengan hal ni. Tapi jangan pasal phone number pun korang buat kesimpulan tentang sia. It’s so easy to make friends with me ba walaupun kamu nampak sia ni susah sikit mau crack. Seriously. Ok la guys… jan kasi panjang ni cerita lagi. Jangan lagi marah2 or masam muka sama sia kio? *winks.

What Am I Now, A Robot?

Why I tend to let someone control my life? I have been there for years. In the name of love, I listened and I obeyed. Now it’s happening again. “You can’t do this, you can’t do that.” Man, is it happening again? And I don’t know, why I just let someone walks into my life and start giving me the orders what I can and can’t do. And surprisingly, it’s easy to talk me down because I have been there before. Why I let this happen to me? Don’t you think I should do myself justice from here? Am I being stupid that I let someone who doesn’t have the right on me to tell me what to do? Now am I practicing my weaknesses or what?

Is it me who caused people to react that way towards me? It can’t be coincidences. I’m looking inside myself what can make some people who think that they have the right to say something, try to boss me around and tell me what to do. Is it my own attitude that causes them to react that way? Now I am wondering.

If I have a boyfriend who I would define as jealous and protective, would he do the same thing if the lady he’s with is someone else? Then why I could find at least 2 men with different characters, reacted the same way towards me? They got overly jealous and start to spell out things for me. They hate it when I get the attention. They hate it when I expose myself. They hate it when other people have access to me. What could put them to rest is if I keep a very low profile of myself and they would prefer it if nobody knows me. *Lols. Man, this is starting to sound funny. Am I officially a robot?

I have this tendency of being so vulnerable and fragile and I sometimes show that a lot. Is it why some people think they need to take the remote control so that they can protect me? I think that I already put quite a strong shell to protect myself. Or, am I actually enjoying it when I have someone to protect me? Is the little girl inside me screaming to get out that yes, I need someone to look after me and make sure nothing can hurt me? If yes, why I’m feeling kinda choked and drown in this overloaded attention I don’t think I need? Man, so many questions playing themselves again and again as I am writing this.

I know it wasn’t easy if I were in a guy’s place – thinking that he would lose his girl to someone else because his girl seems to enjoy attention from other guys. But maybe the guy should know what’s really inside the girl’s heart. What’s her intention of doing what she’s doing. She needs her own space too. To mix and mingle with the people that she chooses to make friends with. Guys, I have some advice for you. Please don’t get too paranoid with your relationship. If she’s not the one, nothing else will make it otherwise. You can’t boss your lady around as if she is some kind of a robot. Marriage won’t stop it all from happening. If you can control her why you are still in the relationship and her soul is taking a break just to please you, she would still do it after the marriage once her rebellious soul finds the way to its own freedom. You can’t stop someone who is alive, from being alive. You get me? Let her free and let her come back to you after she learns so much about life and still think you’re the best thing for her.

I am a woman and I need a man to lead me. This is the only reason why I listen and let man do his job. But remember, if you’re not yet anybody special in my life, don’t try to act like you’re already one, because I have limits too. Don’t spoil whatever that is going well now because it’s certainly anything but good news once I show you the bitter side of me. That’s all I’m saying. If I were to wish for something to happen, I always wish for something good and nothing else. Make Love, Not War.

Me - The Stress Therapist?

Call it funny, but a few people who are not connected to each other, said the same thing to me – That I am A Stress Therapist – they said that their stress gone when they talk to me! Omigawd! Whatta blessing! I mean it! Whether it is on IRC, on the phone or in person – they come up with the same thing. I begin to wonder, hey, did you guys graduated from the same institution or what? *giggles. No seriously, if this is a compliment, Thank You Lord! I will take this as a gift that I have, given by God and then through it I could help others to lessen their daily burden, since that I don’t have anything much in terms of materials. Of course, sometimes in order for this to happen, I have to sacrifice my own time. Even during work, they came to me and chat with me for hours. In some of the cases, the person only left when it was time for me to go home. It was somekind of absurd for my time to be treated that way. Knowing that I need to make money with the time. Really. Not only with my time, I’m always an active chat partner. I don’t just sit there and listen. I talk as much and I even think deep to get new ideas and analyze the ideas that they gave to me. And I also squeeze my brains to come up with suggestions to solve their problems. I usually consume a lot of energy to make it happen. In other cases, it is only chatting and laughing all the way, and when they have enough, they stand up and say, All my stress is gone. You’re like a stress therapist, you know that? Gotta be kidding me! Hahahahahaha The fact that I listen as much as I chat, give comforts to the people who really need a friend to talk to. Although sometimes it takes sacrifice from my side, I must tell you that I enjoy doing it. I’ve been doing it since I was in secondary school. Yes, sometimes, I feel silly too after a conversation ended. I feel silly because my time wasted just like that. But what done is done, and I only have their comforts to tell me that I’m doing something nice and good and I should be glad. I hope that this is one good thing about me that can give me the edge of being God’s instrument to do good to one another. Thank You Lord.

REUBENNORMAN: Behind The KFC Guy

“Try sing a song at the top of your lungs while you’re driving a Fair lady – you’ll get a taste of becoming Reuben Norman”

REUBENNORMAN ON IRC

reubennorman

, he was the first annoying op that I dealt with when I came to IRC in August 2008. He got agigated by me using English. He even banned me after a short session of “exchanging words” in the channel. Hahahaahaha. You don’t welcome a new chatter like that Mr. Reuben! So if any of you experience something like I did with him, trust me I understand what you feel! Kicking chatters for fun is something that this guy enjoy to do. Grrrr.... *Lols.

And recalling what happened months ago, it is actually strange why I am sitting here writing comments about him for my blog! *Lols. That’s so so funny. Although this posting is requested by him, he gave me the freedom to write my personal views about him. I guess he’s making this a way of getting to you guys - to reveal WHO IS THAT MAN behind that irritating KFC guy who always ask for fs and fs, like neverending! Oh yeah! The FS guy, what else do you want me to call you Reuben? Hahahaha.

“I’m Done Hiding” ß He said this to me. And Reuben, this posting better make my blog famous! *Lols. I did this posting as a favour to him as a friend. He might be difficult and mean sometimes, and also...he might make anybody angry because of his ways of handling things on IRC. Hey, look who’s talking. Even after calling each other “a friend”, he still kick-banned me from the channel (Reason: Offensive User) – for the sake of “light banter” or in other words, kick manja2 only. But hey that irritated me a lot, man! I sulked a few times just because of this ways of treating “a friend” in the channel. *Lols. And you guys imagined what he said to me after he bullied me abis-abisan di channel? “I play2 only ba tat. U ni cepat betul ambil hati.” (Cuba kunu I bully u like that, baru u tidak tau. Give me the channel pass first! Hahaahahaha)

REUBENNORMAN IN PERSON

Anyway, I have shared talking about sensible things with this guy and he’s actually a much much different person when he’s not online. His typwritten words are not the same as how he would speak them. Very true! The robotic reubennorman in IRC is EXACTLY NOT accurate to describe him because he is very talkative, he is full of ideas (and he swears a lot! Hahahahahaha), and this fella lurveee singing. I can still recall his versions of “Total Eclipse Of the heart and Making Love Out Of Nothing At all”. For someone who is (still) going to vocal class, we should actually give him the credit for showing a lot of passion in singing. Oh well, maybe you should ask those who went to karaoke with him. Anyway Reuben, you go sing from the heart and don’t break your throat, ok!

Have any of you been in arguments with him? Cold war, maybe? Yeah, in such a short time, I have also gotten into arguments with this guy, because he got pissed off easily when you have a different opinion from him on certain matters. Luckily, a person like me have well-thought arguments to present to back-up my theories. *Lols But through the chats that I had with him, he actually has some good senses about life; which are the by-products of experiences. Some of his philosophies are workable too. Some of his words are sometimes too deep that I find them hard to understand in the capacity of my intelligence. Hehehehe :P. But to be honest, his way of thinking is different from most people I know. He’s also sometimes too perfectionist. Although he’s very much into martial arts, he’s actually afraid of cockroaches and err...ghosts. (Hahahahahaha). He likes the word SIMPLE to describe himself. But I tend to disagree because he’s sometimes very particular about things and how can that be anything close to SIMPLE?

REUBENNORMAN ON WOMEN

He said that at times, he seems to have No Interest in women. (Ouch!) But he has another revelation to make. He says that “I Am Not Gay!”. He also says that although he’s pretty tough on women, he admits that he also has a weakness on women - he confesses that he has A Very Big Crush on the nick candylolly since the first time he saw it. I have to highlight that because he asked me to. That’s how desprate he wants to prove that he’s not gay. *Lols. “Nobody has a crush on nicknames, you know! But he said, “I’m different.” When I told candylolly, she just giggled. Anyway, I think reubennorman is a great ip picker for his bnc.

reubens@in.love.with.you

reubens@waiting.my.love.being.accepted

reubens@tell.me.you.love.me.before.you.say.goodbye

The ips show the other side of reubennorman, don’t you think so, ladies? Okay, now that the ladies know you’re not gay, they might ambush your office trying to get the form to apply to be your girlfriend. Itu kau tanggung sendiri la ging. *Lols. Anything happens to you after this posting, all the best of luck ok bebeh.

A WRAP...

Okay, my last lines and most important ones about Mr Reuben Norman – From day one, like you, I also thought that he was some school kid who only learnt how to chat, and then how he got me into believing in the wrong details that luckily SOME of them he corrected afterwards. But not everyone is lucky to know the truth much earlier. Some of us got fooled maybe until you read this blog. The fact that he’s been telling people he’s the KFC guy for months maybe made a lot of chatters think less of him. What should we call you now, Reuben? Mr. Contractor? As far as I know, most of the chatters even got his wrong friendster page! How cunning! *lols. If the picture in the fs you have is NOT the same as the pictures here, Uh-Oh...you got pranked all the way, friends! Another credit for him for successfully making people believe in A LOT of wrongness and now the truth is mostly revealed...Anymore surprises for us? Baddd baddd boyy you reubennorman!!!! Don’t do it again, ok! Hahahahaha.

As a conclusion, I believe, Reuben asked for my help to make this page to TELL THE TRUTH. I think it’s in his new year resolution for 2009. Hehe. Way to go!

So Now, The Truth Revealed. So just consider a puzzle solved, I mean...A Puzzle Solved ..IN PEACE. :)

Dad, I Can Pass Through That!

This is a childhood experience that I always treasure. I MUST write it down before I forget the details, even if I’m quite sure there’s no way I can forget it. It was a small incident. I remember, my dad, my sister, my first brother and I, went back from church one Sunday. I was only in my primary school. Maybe 9 years old. (Yes, my long term memories are good. Just slack on the short term. *Lols)

I remember that my dad said the key was left inside the house. There was no way we could get inside the house that time. No way at all. My dad tried all he could to break any part of the door but it didn’t work because the door was too tough. (Yeah, security gets back at the owner. *giggles). So the 3 of us just stood there watching my dad. We were only little kids that time so we didn’t have much to say. I remember that we were standing at back door of the house and since the door was made on the extension of the house, so it was made quite rougly. I saw a triangular hole at the top, between the door and the ceiling. It was small and it was high. No one could have ever thought anything to do with the hole. But I already saw the possibility. I just stood there and waited for my dad to find out that he had no way out to the problem (yeah, to get in the house!) I was afraid that my idea was too silly, it stopped me from saying it. Remember I was only a small kid that time. I am not like right now, vocal and all. Okay? Hahahaha. Then when I saw that look in my dad’s face that, “Man, there’s no way we can get inside the house, this way”... So I popped out my idea.

“Look at that hole up there. I think I can fit and pass through it.” My dad didn’t buy it at first. It was too small for anybody to fit through. But I don’t know why I thought I could pass through that hole. I knew I could! I said to my dad, “I think I can. Just let me step on something that high so I could climb.” So maybe because my dad saw my determination, he lifted me high enough so I could climb up to the hole and yeah, the hole was actually small and the shape was not even. I had to squeeze my body right if I wanted to pass through it. I almost thought I couldn’t do it but my gut feeling said otherwise. And you guys guess what happened?

YES, I COULD PASS THROUGH it and in the next 2 minutes, I was inside the house already. Because of that, I got to open the door for them from inside. Why this experience is meaningful to me? Because it showed me something about myself and this life.

1. I have that strength inside me. I have good judgment and if my logic can tell me that I can do something, that means my logic is already incorporating with the abilities of my being, that YES, I CAN DO IT. I always adore that small girl I was. That 9 year-old kid was the original me that my parents shaped. I seriously wish that part of the kid is still inside of me.

2. The door locked from inside is like a problem in this life. Yes, sometimes we find a dead end to our problems. Can we open our eyes to look for opportunities during our stressful moments? Don’t panic but look around. There must be at least a small tiny opportunity that we can use to beat the hell out of our problems. The small hole that I could see was almost an ignored option but because of my determination, I just gave it a try. Let’s say if I couldn’t fit, I would back out and try something else. But luckily, I went through it because I MADE THE EFFORT.

My conclusion: Age give us wisdom. If I could do something smart when I was that small, imagine now when I am this big. There’s no problem without solution and if you feel that you’re really lost... Try God. “God will make a way, when there seems to be no way. He works in ways we cannot see, he will make a way for me...” (That song will make you understand)

Can You Feel My Passion?

Ahaa! That’s a catchy line to begin with! *giggles. I remember, when I was studying in PJ, my friends and I always go to Subang Parade after church. There at Subang Parade, we could find a few funny machines that only need a 20 cent coin to give you some prediction about yourself. Yeah, a machine. *Lols. There was this machine that could tell, whether or not you’re a passionate person! Auww! *Lols. It was funny but then, there was this bunch of students who thought, 20 cents, why not? Yeah, that was US! *Lols. And believe it or not, I got the result, “You’re Passionate!”. I remember this one friend who got the result “Cold” or something like that, but it was like very far from the target. Remember, the machine was to detect PASSION and something opposite than that should mean some bad news, man. Hahahahahahahahaha. She said to me, “Ha? Buyuk juga kau ni. Mana buli kau passionate o, sedangkan sia tidak.” Then I threw that look, “What’s a big deal with this damn machine telling me I’m passionate? The hell I care!” Then I think it should followed by laughter. If the machine can feel it, then I want to ask you, can you feel my passion?

What an intro. Hahahahahaaha. Now that I’ve been blogging since November 2008 (although I registered this address in October), can you connect with my writing already? Yesterday during a session in MIRC chatting and we were having a talk on blogs, I made the confession that I’m a beginner. Then I got the respond from a chatter that he was surprised to hear that. I said, I was new in blogging, not in graphics. Maybe what he meant was not the graphics, maybe the writing, right? Let me make some statement briefly. Writing is something that comes naturally to me. I remember when I was in primary school, I wrote all over the text books. I wrote my ideas, idioms and motivational quotes that I made up myself. I always loved to read them over and over again. Then after that, I remember having a log book where I wrote all my ideas and poems – poems about my frustration about pollution, my admiration towards something, and maybe anything I could think of. After a while leaving the book and read my writing again – Man, I fell in love with it. Again and again, I feel the same way. Is it too much when I say that I actually love my own writing? I really do. The person who is typing right now, me that is, is typing something directly comes from the mind, as I am typing now. When I finish typing this, I would forget what I wrote. The moments happen spontaneously. The magical moments that give passion to my piece of writing. It comes straight from the heart.

Okay, maybe I confessed that I was new in blogging. Actually, I am only new to the “proper method” of blogging. I am always writing. I have written down more than hundreds articles that I put in my pc. I wrote about my thoughts, my ideas, my frustration and my curiosity – I recorded them all in my pc. See people? Do you know what passion means? You will still do it even if nobody is watching. That’s PASSION. I write even before I have the chance to publish what I write. Now do you guys understand why I MUST have a blog now that the technology provides me the way to do so?

Back in the university years, man, I love the composition for my English paper. I loveeee it! I love it when they give a general topic and then write anything we want. I remember coming across the topics like Human Cloning, The Invention That You Wish Never Been Invented and about Futuristic Transportation. When I wrote those essays, I usually got emotional. Really. I touched about something that give sentimental meaning to whoever that will read the essay. I didn’t care about English anymore. I just want to write and convey what I felt about the topic. I know that I might get the grammar wrong, or use the wrong word, but I didn’t care. I only wanted to write from the heart – and Make These People Know what I feel about the topics. *Lols. As you know, composition was only a part of the mark that I would get. But I still got A for my English paper even if I knew I wasn’t doing so good. Whenever my friend asked me, “What did you get for English this time? A again?” I said, “Yeah. Heran kan. I think they made a mistake lah.” But inside my head, I was thinking, “It must be the emotional essay!”Hahahahahahahahha.

I don’t need approval from others before I can like something. I recall that whenever I read my essays that I keep in my pc, I would say, “Wow…Nice.” Like I’m reading someone else’s essays, when those are actually mine! I just feel that, when I’m writing, something else is taking control of me. It’s something else that is writing from inside me. Does it mean something that I’m writing from the heart? Since I have this blog, I have a few reliable people who say that they like how I think and how I write what I think. Then it’s not too much for me to say that some people can already connect with my writing. They Feel Me, and My Passion in Writing. My English might be rough, but again, it’s the ideas and how the ideas are expressed that actually give life to the writing. Yeah, as deep as that. Hahahahahahahaha.

Even if there’s only ME who loves my own writing, I will still be thankful to God for this ability. The ability to write and then to like what I write. Just a way to savour and experience life more, right.

To my readers…feel my passion and be part of this experience!

Some Words To Ponder Upon...

Kicking off the new year with a big hope that we’ll be smiling before we leave it for the next new year. That is still a long long way to go. Now is only the 3rd day in the new year of 2009. There’s a heck of challenges ahead of us. We will face one problem after another and make no mistakes about it, THIS IS LIFE. Life is all about us taking on challenges, one by one and survives all the problems that come to us. That’s life all about right? During times of troubles, let us remember one thing. The Greatest Gift of them all is LIFE itself. As long as we are alive, CAN’T BE THAT BAD, my friends. We can do whatever in our power to do what we want to do. As long as we are still breathing, we can move our hands and legs, we can think straight, oh my...imagine how much power we have to DO WHAT WE WANT and knowing that we have the power, LET'S DO IT RIGHT, Let’s Fix Things Up and lets fight with our problems, crush them and don’t let any of these temporary distractions get in the way of us enjoying this life. LIFE IS SHORT by itself, friends.

Our problems are only a dust from the FACT that this life is temporary. Please remember that so that we won’t get carried away too much by our troubles. There’s always a way to fix things and remember ladies and gentlemen...we have God. Maybe troubles draw us back to Him because human beings like us often forget the ground we come from during our times of glory. During the happy times, are we grateful enough? Remember that, our happy times are the times we look forward too. Enjoy and appreciate every moment of joys because those moments are the times that we can understand and believe all over again that, yes, we are blessed. And one more thing. There is a solution to every problem we face. It’s one truth that we must accept and it’s also the truth that we must bear in mind. So if we can turn this trend upside down, maybe we can be in total control of our lives. Do not sweat over our problems. Don’t entertain the negative thoughts because remember, our problems are only a dust from the reality of this life. Be thankful that we are alive and everything else can be put in place. Best of luck to all of us this year. Want to know my New Year 2009 Resolution?

I WANT TO BE A BETTER VERSION OF MYSELF, IN EVERYTHING.

I wish you guys the best too :)