“He’s Gone and She’s Torn”

This is a very familiar case. Have you been in one? Read on.

To feel like on top of the world. I know how it feels. To fall in love with a guy when you think you finally found someone who you enjoy spending times with, sharing all your laughters and cares, someone who accompanies you to go to everywhere you wish to go. What else? He proved to you that he was there for you, sacrificing his time and energy just to be with you. It doesn’t take a genius that This Guy feels the same way. No doubt about it. 

Unfortunately, life is made in such a way that it’s everything but a fairytale. Good things don’t last. Life of a person is never tailor-made to fit the overused phrase of “happily every after”. Eventually there will come to a part where things would shake…and then Wrecked. Ladies…I’m speaking for you. For those whose hearts have broken into pieces by the time you lose your man to another lady, in the name of Marriage. You know, it’s often that I heard cases like this. Surprisingly, I’ve been there ONCE. And that was all I could take. No More. Yeah, imagine how painful it is. No more, please no more. 

The guy walked into your life. He has some history that is not known to you, concerning “another lady” in his life. In most cases, the existing relationship that he has with his lady is not looking good and that is how fate brought you two together. You need a guy and there he came. The chemistry was so strong that you could not help but fall for this guy. He was like an answered prayer. Yeah, but something stopped you. There was an underlying issue that made you guys slow down for anything more serious. It could be a serious issue like difference in religion. It was something that stopped you from expecting too much from this guy when it comes to spending future together…but since things just felt so right, you both just swept it under the carpet and never really discussed about it. The magical moments of being together made you want to forget all the cares and just believe that eventually things would unfold the way you favour. The fact is that, nothing would change unless you change it. Knowing that this issue remains a thorn in the relationship, eventually the fact of life is taking its toll. You guys could not remain in wonderland forever. You guys still need to carry on with life, getting married and build a life. Responsibility and demands from family will finally catch up and disturbs your “beauty sleep”. 

Suddenly here comes the issue when the guy was put in a difficult position of choosing whose heart he should put above whose. Whether he wanted to keep living in dreamland with the girl he loved but was not ready to leave her religion to marry him (You), or he listened to his parents who were concerned about his future and bugging him to get married. Any decision he would make, a heart gonna break. One fact of life that any adult could not deny is that, everyone who relies entirely on love, usually goes home not just empty-handed, but even empty-hearted. Love might feel and look good at the moment, but you will never know how long and how well it could help you towards the best future. So considering all the factors, maybe you should UNDERSTAND why your man took certain decision. Knowing that you could not make yourself available to be in position to marry him, do you think he has a better choice? And in the case where the guy was already engaged with a girl before he met you, and although something went wrong between them that made both of them drift apart and finally led the guy to you, STILL, it was complicated to undo the bond that involved 2 families who were in good terms and wanted the bond to continue. He has to take care of many hearts and put his own at the bottom. Can you imagine being in his position?

When the breaking news arrived, of course it broke your heart into pieces. It was the time when you thought of revenge. You closed all contacts with the guy, demonstrated anguish as much as you could so that the guy knew that he just did a very serious crime. Suddenly you wanted him to know that he was a very bad guy, playing with your feelings by marrying another lady. You wanted him to feel as much agony as you.You wish that the karma gets back to him very soon. Yeah. I knew how painful it was having to let go off your guy that way. There was a spear stabbed you right at the heart. Damn painful. I certainly don’t miss that moment.

In my case before, one thing that I could have done better was, “Never giving him the chance to explain himself.” Come to think about it, I got in his life knowing that he already had another girl before me, but this is one of those cases playing with small fire that eventually get the whole place burnt. The relationship was risky to begin with. I wonder, if only I gave him the chance, it didn’t have to end so ugly. Instead of calling him all the bad names, what if he really at the end of his wits that he had to take that decision. But wait, it didn’t mean that everything he has with you was fake and lies. Slowly I got back my senses and I didn’t feel so hurt anymore thinking that – I could not provide him a better solution to his situation. If I was willing to go extra miles to fight for it, it might end differently. But I didn’t. I realized that I claimed too much from him and gave him nothing much in return. I didn’t dare to go and meet his family so that he has a concrete reason to show to his parents why he had to call off the engagement. I did NOTHING. So how could I be the most hurt in this situation. I was only thinking about myself and how selfish was that. So ladies, study your situation and be rational. Part of his decision might come from you too. And seriously you were not the only one who were hurting so badly. Come to think about it, his burden could be heavier than yours. He would be thinking day and nite about you and how much all that has hurt you. The Guilt he has might put him in misery. He could be crying inside and not knowing what to do, stuck in a place he didn’t feel like he belongs to. He won't feel all this if you really meant nothing to him in the first place.

To be fair, I’d say the common mistakes of the guys in this situation. Most of them don’t have the guts to speak when they have come to the middle of the road. They didn’t want to hurt us but they certainly did the wrong thing by keep giving us hope that things were going to be Okay, that you two didn’t have to lose each other. Even when they were in the position to clear the air much sooner, like explaining to us that they had to proceed with the marriage since we could not give him a better solution as he was torn between us and their families, they DID NOT do it. They didn’t have the guts TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT before it got worse. At least if they told us much earlier, we could prepare emotionally. Yes, we might scream and slap him at the time, but it showed a lot of maturity and responsibility. We might take shorter time to accept the fact and forgive him because we could feel his sincerity. All I could say is that, at one point, both parties were SELFISH. The hurt that both had to endure is THE PRICE we have to pay for every mistakes that we did in NOT handling it the best way possible. Anyway, things had happenned and they all now belong to the past. Agree? So the best to go from here is…

Accept this as one hell of experience in our lives. The good memories will remain good and although the guy is gone, he was still part of the good memories. Move on from here, act as an adult and STOP from keep hurting yourself cos it will do nothing good to anyone. After all said and done, experiences like this are among the most valuable that life could give us. It taught us to love, to give, to share, to deal with conflicts, and how we heal our broken heart. All our tears are the proof that we certainly can endure this pain. Wipe those tears, ladies. You certainly don’t need a blurry sight for the more interesting thing to come in your life in the nearest future.

Maybe you can consider doing one more virtuous thing before you proceed to the next best thing. 

Forgive him.

Welcome to more adventures in your life, as a better lady we have become now. Good luck :)