Hi all. It’s been a while. I will write more about my absence in blogwriting, but lets go straight to the point of this story or I’ll be wasting more time writing nothing. Hehe. Here we go.
Another customer came with her story. Like always, it was unintended that I listen to another real life story by someone that has nothing to do with me for me to know about her private life. Who would have guessed, this girl - is facing a very big chapter in her life, and unlike what most of us imagine it would be that we gonna walk in with a big wide smile, and NOT with tears. This is her story.
In this era of “sinking virtues”, we don’t hear much of parents still taking lead of their children’s lives. We thought that those days where we have to follow orders from our old-fashioned parents, are long over. She proved me wrong. She explained that her life is turning upside down and she feels like a walking corpse. I asked why? She said, she is “forced” on an arranged marriage. It happened so fast that when the parents called her, they told her about a guy who came to their house, asking them for her hands in marriage, without her presence since she has been out of town for months. The dad said from the phone, “I give you 3 days to think about it.” So she thought she had 3 days. Nope, she did not have 3 days because the dad called her a day after asking for her decision and of course she said “No”. Guess what, the dad did not listen. He said, “This marriage will happen no matter what.” Suddenly her world crushed into pieces.
I asked her, “Who is the guy?” She said she knows the guy since small. Always saw him around during gatherings but she did not has A SINGLE EMOTION defined for this guy. Never did it cross her mind that he is going to be the one she gonna marry. I could see that her eyes were teary as she talked. I asked, “So, are you going to proceed with the marriage?” She said, “I have no choice. I will let my parents do anything they want. I have no energy to argue anymore.” I could sense her hopefulness. I could sense that she has come to the end of her wits to finally be saying all those things. The most painful part of an arranged marriage is when she already has someone in her heart. Gosh.
As you would imagine my reaction, of course I snapped. “Then why don’t you tell your parents that you already have a boyfriend?” She said, “I have told them that I am seeing someone and guess what, they never ask further. THEY DON’T CARE.” I continued saying, “Ask your bf to do something! Don’t just accept this without a fight. Something can be done!” She answered, “It’s hard. My bf is only starting to build his life. He just bought a home and would be long before he could have the saving to afford a marriage. I don’t think telling my parents all that will make a difference. It would further complicate matters since they will have more reasons to smash me. I was like, “THIS IS CRAZY. If I were you, I won’t let this happen, ever. I will fight for my life. Not that I am suggesting you to go against your parents but you are a grown up, you should be able to do something and decide for your future. “ My answer did not amaze her at all. I knew she has been doing a lot of thinking and she has suffered her days counting to the day when that wedding will finally take place. She said she has done enough crying. The hardest part is to accept the fact and say farewell to the lover. The guy knows where he stands. Whatever he does will be in vain since he has time demand for his job and he is at a different location for now and won’t be able to do anything. It was just to hard to do anything in such a short time. What they do now is To Accept this as a written destiny. They have said words of farewell like “Maybe we are not meant to be as soulmates, but we can still be friends.” I could imagine how much tears they cried for the farewell after a 3 years relationship. They even blamed each other for taking it too long to inform to their parents about it. They should bring each other to meet each other’s parents during that long period or else, the parents think that they are not committed to anyone and they have no plans for future.
After examining her situation…I have this advice to her. Since she has accepted this to be “what’s next” for her, then Stop Going against the flow since it’s still gonna happen anyway. I open my lil story about being “a rebellious child” and how I never let my parents decide for me. I told her, “Consider I have done everything that you should have done if you are as rebellious as me. Now I can tell you one thing that, Our parents only want the best for us. And they DO KNOW better than us, more than what we think. After going against my parents’ will for so many times, like in choosing career, I have to admit that if only I follow their advice, my life must be so much easier than now. So look at this from the good side. You have to be positive and give it a try. You have to give your best cos being sad won’t change anything better for you. She nodded in agreement.
I have written many cases where people got married not for the most favourite reason. Whatever the reason is for you to get married, if you allow it to be the next thing for you, then why don’t just adapt to that and give your cooperation the best you can. It’s still a gamble of whether it’s going to work out or not. It’s how you manage it after the wedding that will determine half of the result probability. Now that you know the coin is still on the sky, you don’t know yet if it’s going to be the Head or the Tail. Don’t worry about the answer. Your job is to DO Your Best and leave the rest to God. Just give Him enough reasons why you deserve a good ending :)
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