Aging Gloriously...Wow

Yeah, the idea of aging is Not That Cool to deserve a title like this. Hahahaha. Again, why would I write this if I think you already know everything. Or maybe you know, but you won’t mind to read something that makes the points look relevant and believable. What do you think? Okay, think no more. READ! Hahaha

I’m gonna make this one fast before I pass this idea and let it go around the world before they go back to me. Okay...let’s start. Guys, what do you think about getting older? Every year just adds to the number. So? Are you wearing the kind of innocent mind that Kyle XY wears on the first season, when he questions, “Why do humans celebrate birthdays? Doesn’t that mean you are closer to death?” Thanks Kyle XY for making us more freaked out now. *LOLS. Ok Kidding :PP

I want to write about the other side of “Aging”. Man oh man, don’t you realize it? I remember keep having this thought. As much as I want to hate aging, it just keeps pushing to me some points why Aging is –not that bad-. I mean, it’s almost glorious! Okay, remind me I am not mumbling for nothing. Let me try to think of all the points spontaneously. Okay, here we go.

Don’t you think that being older is MUCH FUN? No one gonna question you what you do anymore. No one gonna find much reason why you do something.. They have TRUST that you know what you are doing and they just gonna let you do it.. Suddenly the “approval” that you get from the society is taking away what’s been holding you back. You better get used to it! Haha. Also, you sort of have this license to just go and Explore life, do what you like, with whoever you want to do it with, and feel totally okay with it. Not to mention how much your maturity does make life easier. No more too clingy on your partner, no more stupid jealousy that can be eating your internal organs slowly (*LOLS) and the coolest thing is, How you can just see things in a bigger picture, you can throw your meaningful smart smile of “Aha, yeah, I’ve been there.” And you can just handle matter wisely – with the options in your hands, you can just go straight ahead and make the right decision. Gosh, don’t you guys see that?

Speaking of looks, don’t you guys see that the older people get, the better they look? Maybe their look will deteriorate eventually when they hit 60 or more, but I saw women in the 50s, still looking awesome. If you guys say it must be because of botox and maybe surgery, No, count that out. I know some women who are not exposed to that kind of “modification” and yes, they still do look better than their younger version. Just with natural grooming, and some nice clothes, yeah, people might still think they belong to certain age range but STILL, They Look Lovely. So what else to worry? Personally speaking, I feel the same thing about myself. If you like how you look when you were much younger, you must enjoy looking at the old pics, right? Different with me. Hahahaha. I saw my friends posting pictures of us when we were still at school, and I remember those pics, I thought I was giving good shots. I thought they were among my best pictures. Surprisingly, when I looked at them again, I almost could not recognize myself. I could not relate to that person anymore. I just couldn’t feel the smile and if it was mine. Strange. Although I am not as thin as I was back in college, but again, I didn’t really “miss” that thinness. I looked so immature and childish. Yeah, that smile was still mine, but it didn’t look at its best that time. Now, with the habit of taking pics daily, I am so used to how I look today. I can conclude something despite my red long hair and others, my looks are totally developed. It’s funny when people worry too much on looking older, but which do you prefer? Being young but plain or being older but looking much better? This is amusing. How could I even ask that. And Hellllooo? It’s not just you, together with your mom and dad, who are getting older. ALL OF US are adding another and another year. So this couldn’t be our enemy. There’s something wrong with how humans think to make enemies with the normal pace of life. Okay, but at least we try to open our mind on this and be a little friendlier with aging. OMG, do you think I call it glorious for Nothing?

Since we are totally developed now that we are adults, we notice that a lot of weaknesses that were once ours, are not there anymore. I notice that I am not that bad-tempered anymore. I notice that I am not anymore the superclingy girlfriend who got mad over little silly things. I am amazed at my ability to tolerate, to not blow up small things, and to not get affected by things that used to bother me a lot before. I notice that I am more relaxed, and finally, I want to call upon all the people who once told me that they thought “I’m Cool” because they saw it how I handled things in my life – which I never agreed to because I thought they didn’t know what they were saying…Until Now only I can agree with them that I think I am quite cool. Despite suffering from panic attack and adrenaline rush, I could handle things much better, keeping my composure in place and finally, Yeah, I just lurveee this version of myself!!

I knew a few versions of myself that you could call yourself “Pity Me” when you happened to meet one of those. Now I am still the same person, just a much better version. It’s nobody’s fault that we met earlier, but I won’t promise you would feel the same about me. If I screwed up back then, and you prayed that I might some day change to someone better, just consider your prayer answered. My emphasis is on how every year adds to your age, are something like you bagging on “Add-Ons”. As far as Aging is concerned, like my favourite quotation, “It’s So Hard NOT To Be Better” :))

So Feel Good, Look Good and Be Good. Suddenly you can finally say to yourself that, Look No More, I finally found myself. Thank God.

To those who are so much against Aging, let me tell ya, you can refuse it how many times you want, but it’s not gonna change a freaking thing. You better make it work for you. The rest have found their ways, How about you? :)

Aging Gloriously. Amen.

*giggles.

Spellbound By Her

Guys, have you ever felt this great emotion of awe and admiration towards someone? It’s like some part of you is locked and trapped by her charms? That everything she speaks sounds like soothing lullaby and everything that she writes will either make or break your whole day? Have you ever felt that you’re almost out of control that you think you are under a spell? Sounds familiar? No?

To those who just said YES, this is for you.

Of course I don’t find this often. Some guys are just so cool when they come across the rare quality of girls that they are looking for. They don’t allow themselves to get too consumed by it. They can keep their composure and not show much. Thanks to Mr. Ego. Unfortunately, the rest just GIVE IN to it. They rather let the whole world see that they are totally at the fingertips of this so called Princess Charming (Or Little Witch) whichever you choose to call it. Hahahaa.

This kind of expressiveness in guys is “quite a view”. Whether you become the spectator to this “Spellbinding Story” or maybe...or maybe it's you who putting the spell. How on earth did I decide to make this A Story? I have the need to write this so the guys can open their eyes. I’ve seen a few. And I’ve been in the place of the object too. I think I deserve to give views. If it’s applicable or not in your life, let’s discuss about it later.

Let me emphasize about “being spellbound” thru this so-called admiration. It’s not a bad thing. It’s always good to have something to look forward to the next day. It’s good to have something to miss and day dream about. Having this crush makes you Alive. Suddenly you have reason to smile and all the romantic ideas come to your mind. How can it be bad? The only thing is that, you gotta know what you get yourself into. This kind of admiration is sometimes over rated. If you get yourself in control, it doesn’t have to end ugly, agree?

During this time, you will spend what you can afford on her. Go extra miles for her. You will listen to what she says. She will give you a sleepless nite just because she doesn’t answer your SMS or call. This will start to hurt you when you don’t know you’re so unnecessarily “remote-controlled” by her. Suddenly everything you do is motivated by  the thought of her. This can be a sickening view to others because you just can’t see it as much as others can. That kind of unselfish surrender by yourself, is depleting your manly ego, but not for the right reason. What do you think? You like that?


I will tell you from the side of the girl.

She knows she found one true fan in you and that’s feeding to her ego. This is the time when she thinks that she finally makes use of her physical attraction and what it can do to men. This is not to mention if she’s the kind who is an opportunist, and she can use this “spellbound state” of yours to tap as much as she can before you get your senses back. Especially when she has nothing to lose but everything to gain. She can just delay your spellbound state, make it longer, just by using simple remarks that definitely gonna drive you nuts at any given time. If someone comes to you and try to knock some senses into you, trust me you will shoo them away. You think these people are just jealous. You think this people are so unlively that they want you to be like them too. Whoa. What if you are wrong?

Be thankful if this Princess Charming is not the Little Witch. Most likely she knows what kind of power she has on you, and what if she gonna use you like a puppet to get what you can give her. Whoa, 256 is being negative. Sorry but if I write all this just to tell you something you already know, I rather not write and I don’t think you want to read what you already know, right? This is about being cautious. It’s not hard to sort out. You can put the alarm signal if she’s turning into the witch as you two progress in your spellbound era. It will be a lot of requests, and lot of funny dramas, a lot of sweet words that are forgotten, a lot of tiny warms thoughts that remain unproven, and the main indicator is that, You are totally the giver and she’s the taker. She does NOTHING on her side that takes some effort that serves your interest. It’s totally "Me me and me" for her. And guess what, you won’t mind at all – cos that’s how you enter the spellbound wonderland. Imagine if this girl feels nothing for you. Imagine if this girl continues with her life and delays yours. Imagine how much time and money you gonna waste – without security. And all this for, ZERO. What will bounce back to you is the feeling of total stupidity and the worst case scenario, when that happens, - She’s not even your girlfriend. The next thing you know, she packs her things and simple says, "I've found someone I truly like. I think you should look for a partner yourself. Thanks for Everything. I appreciate everything. Wish you well in your life". AaaUuuCHhh, :PP

I speak this way because I’ve been there before.  I also made a little mistake here and there but that's how I learnt. Now that I'm here to tell you, do you still want to be a guinea pig for someone's learning playground? Okay, for some noble reason, you might say Yes, but be prepared to leave empty-handed. I know that it takes a lot of humanity in a girl to not make use of the guy who is totally over her. If she has a heart, she won’t keep giving false hope and keep him longer in this state of half conscious. Guess what, it feels amazing to have someone feels this way for you. But girls, you don’t go and make this guy a toy. You don’t go and make him your gold mine, despite holding this invisible magic wand that only needs a little swing before he follows your every order. No, don’t do that.

Message for the guys. Don’t let the girls use their physical attraction to fool you. I’m afraid you might overlook “the worthy one”. So now, do some self-examination if you are under A Spell by someone. Maybe it’s time to get your act together and…hey, hey. Guess what, there’s No Spell or black magic involved. It’s totally imaginary. Now you wake up and go back to reality, will you? Spellbound No More.

Note: Now don't say I don't remind you ah...hehe. 

Oh. Yes, I miss you guys too. I'm BACK :))

“He’s Gone and She’s Torn”

This is a very familiar case. Have you been in one? Read on.

To feel like on top of the world. I know how it feels. To fall in love with a guy when you think you finally found someone who you enjoy spending times with, sharing all your laughters and cares, someone who accompanies you to go to everywhere you wish to go. What else? He proved to you that he was there for you, sacrificing his time and energy just to be with you. It doesn’t take a genius that This Guy feels the same way. No doubt about it. 

Unfortunately, life is made in such a way that it’s everything but a fairytale. Good things don’t last. Life of a person is never tailor-made to fit the overused phrase of “happily every after”. Eventually there will come to a part where things would shake…and then Wrecked. Ladies…I’m speaking for you. For those whose hearts have broken into pieces by the time you lose your man to another lady, in the name of Marriage. You know, it’s often that I heard cases like this. Surprisingly, I’ve been there ONCE. And that was all I could take. No More. Yeah, imagine how painful it is. No more, please no more. 

The guy walked into your life. He has some history that is not known to you, concerning “another lady” in his life. In most cases, the existing relationship that he has with his lady is not looking good and that is how fate brought you two together. You need a guy and there he came. The chemistry was so strong that you could not help but fall for this guy. He was like an answered prayer. Yeah, but something stopped you. There was an underlying issue that made you guys slow down for anything more serious. It could be a serious issue like difference in religion. It was something that stopped you from expecting too much from this guy when it comes to spending future together…but since things just felt so right, you both just swept it under the carpet and never really discussed about it. The magical moments of being together made you want to forget all the cares and just believe that eventually things would unfold the way you favour. The fact is that, nothing would change unless you change it. Knowing that this issue remains a thorn in the relationship, eventually the fact of life is taking its toll. You guys could not remain in wonderland forever. You guys still need to carry on with life, getting married and build a life. Responsibility and demands from family will finally catch up and disturbs your “beauty sleep”. 

Suddenly here comes the issue when the guy was put in a difficult position of choosing whose heart he should put above whose. Whether he wanted to keep living in dreamland with the girl he loved but was not ready to leave her religion to marry him (You), or he listened to his parents who were concerned about his future and bugging him to get married. Any decision he would make, a heart gonna break. One fact of life that any adult could not deny is that, everyone who relies entirely on love, usually goes home not just empty-handed, but even empty-hearted. Love might feel and look good at the moment, but you will never know how long and how well it could help you towards the best future. So considering all the factors, maybe you should UNDERSTAND why your man took certain decision. Knowing that you could not make yourself available to be in position to marry him, do you think he has a better choice? And in the case where the guy was already engaged with a girl before he met you, and although something went wrong between them that made both of them drift apart and finally led the guy to you, STILL, it was complicated to undo the bond that involved 2 families who were in good terms and wanted the bond to continue. He has to take care of many hearts and put his own at the bottom. Can you imagine being in his position?

When the breaking news arrived, of course it broke your heart into pieces. It was the time when you thought of revenge. You closed all contacts with the guy, demonstrated anguish as much as you could so that the guy knew that he just did a very serious crime. Suddenly you wanted him to know that he was a very bad guy, playing with your feelings by marrying another lady. You wanted him to feel as much agony as you.You wish that the karma gets back to him very soon. Yeah. I knew how painful it was having to let go off your guy that way. There was a spear stabbed you right at the heart. Damn painful. I certainly don’t miss that moment.

In my case before, one thing that I could have done better was, “Never giving him the chance to explain himself.” Come to think about it, I got in his life knowing that he already had another girl before me, but this is one of those cases playing with small fire that eventually get the whole place burnt. The relationship was risky to begin with. I wonder, if only I gave him the chance, it didn’t have to end so ugly. Instead of calling him all the bad names, what if he really at the end of his wits that he had to take that decision. But wait, it didn’t mean that everything he has with you was fake and lies. Slowly I got back my senses and I didn’t feel so hurt anymore thinking that – I could not provide him a better solution to his situation. If I was willing to go extra miles to fight for it, it might end differently. But I didn’t. I realized that I claimed too much from him and gave him nothing much in return. I didn’t dare to go and meet his family so that he has a concrete reason to show to his parents why he had to call off the engagement. I did NOTHING. So how could I be the most hurt in this situation. I was only thinking about myself and how selfish was that. So ladies, study your situation and be rational. Part of his decision might come from you too. And seriously you were not the only one who were hurting so badly. Come to think about it, his burden could be heavier than yours. He would be thinking day and nite about you and how much all that has hurt you. The Guilt he has might put him in misery. He could be crying inside and not knowing what to do, stuck in a place he didn’t feel like he belongs to. He won't feel all this if you really meant nothing to him in the first place.

To be fair, I’d say the common mistakes of the guys in this situation. Most of them don’t have the guts to speak when they have come to the middle of the road. They didn’t want to hurt us but they certainly did the wrong thing by keep giving us hope that things were going to be Okay, that you two didn’t have to lose each other. Even when they were in the position to clear the air much sooner, like explaining to us that they had to proceed with the marriage since we could not give him a better solution as he was torn between us and their families, they DID NOT do it. They didn’t have the guts TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT before it got worse. At least if they told us much earlier, we could prepare emotionally. Yes, we might scream and slap him at the time, but it showed a lot of maturity and responsibility. We might take shorter time to accept the fact and forgive him because we could feel his sincerity. All I could say is that, at one point, both parties were SELFISH. The hurt that both had to endure is THE PRICE we have to pay for every mistakes that we did in NOT handling it the best way possible. Anyway, things had happenned and they all now belong to the past. Agree? So the best to go from here is…

Accept this as one hell of experience in our lives. The good memories will remain good and although the guy is gone, he was still part of the good memories. Move on from here, act as an adult and STOP from keep hurting yourself cos it will do nothing good to anyone. After all said and done, experiences like this are among the most valuable that life could give us. It taught us to love, to give, to share, to deal with conflicts, and how we heal our broken heart. All our tears are the proof that we certainly can endure this pain. Wipe those tears, ladies. You certainly don’t need a blurry sight for the more interesting thing to come in your life in the nearest future.

Maybe you can consider doing one more virtuous thing before you proceed to the next best thing. 

Forgive him.

Welcome to more adventures in your life, as a better lady we have become now. Good luck :)

Her Best Value When Beauty & Youth Are Gone

I saw this woman. She went into my office and asked me whether or not I have any idea about this guy. She mentioned the name. Yes I know the guy. He used to be the guard of the building. He resigned not long before. According to hearsays, the guy resigned because his wife from Philippine came to Sabah to follow him. Along with her, are her 5 kids. The husband went away from hometown way too long. Just as soon as the wife and kids arrived in Sabah, he ran away to Singapore. That was what I heard. This woman must be his wife.

I looked at the woman and thought for a little longer. She has grown quite old, not groomed and nothing fancy to look at. I saw in her, a difficult life trying to survive another day. I saw in her, The Pain that she’s still enduring. I saw in her, the smile that was faked. Any woman would not have a freaking real smile when the man she loves abandons her. She couldn’t hide it from me because I’m been studying people forever. Although I am nowhere to pity her or to feel sorry for her; judging from my own unsettled life and neverending problems and dilemmas, I still think that the only reason I could feel sorry for her was that I was just a little lucky on that moment she walked in and had contacts with me.

I imagine that this same woman, used to be the girl that he wanted to be with all the time. He might do anything he could to win her attention. He might say all the sweetest words so that she would fall for him. Those were the days when she was still young and pretty. Those were the days when life looked like a bed of roses. Those were the days when you thought the world was on your feet when another heart, belongs to the man that caught her eyes, confessed his devotion to spend the rest of his life with her. Yeah. This chronology was a logic one. Every girl who was once lucky, has this in her life’s history too. My mind told me that woman didn’t deserve to walk in like a beggar, asking people “Anybody saw my husband? Cos I haven’t seen him for so long” trying to hide a her raging heart. That is so unfair, man.

How come that someone, who used to be your princess, becomes someone you are scared of and you could not stand a sight of her? Even after she bore your kids who carry your name and dedicating her life to you …Is this all you repay her? Yeah, I’m a reasonable person. He’s just a human being. He likes to see nice and beautiful things and maybe his wife once has it but not anymore. But please look at her again. She might not anymore wearing the beauty that once make your heart skip a beat but PLEASE look at her again. She’s still “that girl” that you married. Even though time takes with it her vanity but that is STILL HER. The soul that she has when she was your favourite girl, it was the same soul in that body. In fact it was THE SOUL that conducts her every thoughts and moves since she was born until she became the girl of your dream, and then the woman on your side, the mother of your kids – I bet all the time when he was away, she became the father as well as the mother for the kids although she was not given so much physical strength to do it. AT LEAST…at least…she deserves to receive that sight of appreciation although it was far from sincere but at least she deserves to be treated like a woman, and we are talking about the queen of your heart.

I was thinking for quite a while. Whose fault when a guy falls for a girl just for all her physical qualities? If you think it was the guy’s fault, I bet the girl is enjoying it too when her beauty is appreciated. It’s not the girl’s fault for trying to look her best and she’s not to be blamed when her looks are the best quality that she has in the guy’s eyes. We can’t go around and tell the girl to not be loved for her beauty when we know it will fade. It’s not her fault, right? It’s still up to the guy to love her for what reason. We can’t blame a guy to love a girl’s beauty. We are made with the trait to appreciate beauty. 

Can this be a reason for us ladies to DEMAND that “Men, do not love us for what your eyes can see.” Cos we certainly don’t want to lose our man by the time the beauty fades away. Do you want the guys to love us for nothing more than our face value? What happens when our youth leaves us? What are there left with us when the wrinkles start to get visible, when we start to gain weight after giving birth, when our hair turns grey?

Even if you gonna love us for that, but let it not be the only reason why you love us. Can we still see that awe in your face when you look at us 10, 20 years later. Cos we are like you, another creation of God, should not be treated Less, especially when we have devoted our lives to you. We women, deserve more than that.

It crossed my mind…would I still be appreciated for being chatty, talkative, opinionated, vocal, and what about me being the blogger, and all the things that I wrote and share with people; my qualities – ALL the things that I keep hearing from people who appreciate me. I wonder would my guy still appreciate my qualities that he includes in his answer when I first ask him why he falls for me. Would he start counting all my values from now and if so, it should be quite a mount of values he could rely on when aging takes its toll on me. And would that mean his feeling will not fade? This is more than trying to rely on pastime victory. This is about union between 2 people, the irreplaceable connection that is not based of what the eyes can see. I imagine that when 2 people have gone through thick and thin, they will love each other NOT in body, but in SOUL. After going through half lifetime together, WHY NOT finish it together. Regardless how much our flesh desire want to turn our back on this, if we get our senses right, we will eventually LEARN that THIS IS actually LOVE that people have spent lifetime to define. Only when they have spent that long with someone, they eventually realize that After all the Lust and Infatuation run out, What is left with them that keeps them happily together is this DEFINELESS bond. I bet God calls that Love :)

Love for a reason. For a Very Very Good Reason. Make sure it will still valid when the beauty and youth are gone. God Bless Our Quest for that LOVE.

“Find Me Someone Like You”

It’s funny how you just pass by some stations in your life without knowing how much it matters to the people you encounter. In some of them, they even have a special chapter for you if they were to write a book. I mean, wow. Sometimes you begin to wonder what’s in you that make you leave such a mark in some people’s lives.

You guys know that I’m always an analyzer. I have encountered with different kinds of guys in my life. To focus on a smaller scope, I shall speak about the guys who have positive encounters with me. How we got to know each other, and then got close to each other and then started to build some feeling, and then began to move a step ahead when we believed that we shared the same dream and until something happened that told us that it wasn’t meant to be. Those experiences with different individuals are not the same. Somehow, after you have associated with quite a few, you start to “get used” to some of the little similarities. Suddenly you are not that flattered anymore when guys start to sweet-talk. Suddenly you are not easily impressed with all the act of affection, material or emotion wise. Suddenly it takes harder for them to finally make you turn your face and really pay attention. Or you won’t have butterflies in the stomach anymore when you meet or talk with the guys for the first time. Even their flirting maneuver becomes readable to you.

Some of these guys are fighters. Good trait. They would approach you even if they know you might or might not be taken. They would keep a little hope that you might not and even if you are, a little possibility that you might change your mind when you get to know them. Sometimes it’s funny to be in the position where you don’t know what to do. If you move your left leg, someone gonna get hurt. Same with right. So you end up stagnant, not moving so that you delay in hurting someone. Whether or not this impression is temporary, but it feels good and real at the time it’s happening.

I may be plain and not be much to some people, but some think that I have a big talent in writing. Every words that I write are magnetic to them, while the rest are not even impressed a bit. Surprising how subjective this is. Then it’s the same thing about how you bring yourself in public, your appearance, the way you talk, the way you do your hair…and something new they learn about you, they feel even more smitten and attracted to your traits. Totally understandable. Just how you can admire some people in your life. You think they are so lucky and blessed. What if one day you realize that some people put you in that person’s place. They admire almost everything about you. And when they think it’s not possible to be the closest guy to you, they would say, “Can you find me someone just like you?" Someone who can write so well. Someone who has a blog. Someone who always have something to say to every question I ask, someone who likes to dance, someone who is nice to everyone…” Suddenly it made you smile when it’s like a redundant phrase. Of course they might just be flirting. Even if they are serious, the little voice in you says that No, you are not that good. When they say something like that, it’s like their last resort. if they think the chance is thin for them to have their way with you, so they could only wish to find someone like you. What do you think?

Maturity keeps us on the ground. Especially when it comes to the subject of picking the best person to live with. We know it’s a gamble. We could never be sure that we make the best decision. The good thing about maturity is we have ceased to look for perfection. We just be realistic about our criteria. Deep inside us, we wish that those who think we are special are realistic about their expectation too. Nobody’s perfect. *Winks.

You can’t take yourself for granted when you have people reminding you that you are special and I can say that these people might make you love yourself even more. Now you don’t have a choice. You have to love yourself more :)

To -You know who you are-, Thanks :)

NOTE: I planned to share more things about this but I changed my mind. I rather make it simple this time. *giggles. Maybe next time, okay…hehehe

Challenge of the Century: Practice What You Preach

I am moved to write this topic because of what’s happening around me. Money is always The Chief Devil that causes us humans to stray from the right track. It’s just too easy to get possessed by the devil when Money rules our mind. WHY? Can you trust yourself anymore when you are with money? How powerful can money be that you would break all your words and lose all the trusts people built on you? Is it worth it?

I am surrounded by female friends with their own struggles. I have my own struggle too. This working environment is the Real playground. No more simulation. This is the real thing. In the midst where everyone has their own goal, and the fact that we are never silent of problems and troubles, this is where we are tested to the limit. With all the virtues that we are trying to hold on to, we find out that it’s just too easy to lose grip. Here comes the art of manipulation of many fancy name people call it. In the end, it’s about using one another to get to our own goals, and whether or not others are celebrating with you. Or totally the opposite.

I have friends who are constantly depending on others to save them from problems. For them it’s their friends’ responsibility to prove that they are the friends in need. If you don’t help, means you are not the kind of friends that is worth to keep. I have another type of friends who slammed that type, who know so well and in details about why that other type is not the kind of friends to keep. In other words, you witness how the backbite each other, and they are both your friends. Logically speaking, the type who is so good in evaluating the other type for not being competent friends, they should perform way better than the first type, right? Guess what, as someone in the middle, I was quite upset to find out that they are both belong to the same league. I mean, all this while, I listen to each of them slamming the other, but they are just the same. Should I blame money as the culprit? It’s money that make them become friends who are never sufficient and always come to their friends for support and they would risk friendship and even familyship just as long as they get what their want. But then it is Money or is it just them who are too weak to get ruled by money instead of otherwise?

Money is really an indicator. To know how well you hold on to your virtues. You can speak about integrity, being honest, being trustworthy, and the list goes on…TRY It first with money. If you are given the sum of money to manage and handle, can you even do it. Can you promise to not cheat a penny. Or would you find a way to cheat with the excuse that you are a bit more unfortunate than some people so you should just be forgiven for your misconduct. What is it exactly?

I’m a little frustrated with the attitudes of some of my colleagues. At one time they told me they were behind these rare values but they crushed it just like that when they were put in the circumstances to Prove themselves. Not even friendship matters that much. I hate the fact that I have to lose another and another person to trust. I’m frustrated that I thought, I have friends who would put it the last that they would betray their values. I thought I was surrounded by people who would fight for it. They proved me wrong. Suddenly I feel so alone.

Then again, it’s my battle to Prove that I am not one of them. I will not have another person write something like that, referring me as a lost battle. I can’t go and spread good news when I myself is the bad news.

As a matter of fact, To Practice What You Preach is still humans’ biggest challenge.

Question is, are you gonna make it? Or just join the rest who failed? It’s time to prove. :) Best of luck :)

The Reminiscence of Halfway Thru 2011

Since last month, a few individuals have brought up about 2011 being A BAD YEAR not only for them, but for most people. These people have just broken up so we understand that life might not look too neat to them that time… but to say that 2011 is a bad year, like what I told them, “It was not even mid year. It’s not fair to label 2011 that early.” The most I pity are these people who have lost faith that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I mean, as if they were saying the rest of the months are going to be Lifeless for them. Come ON. Are you kidding me?

Not gonna give the same kind of motivational preach this time. I TRUST you guys can handle it from there. Today I did a lot of thinking. My mind was recalling back memories that I had at the same month, last year. Is my life better now, than the same month last year? The answer is gonna be interesting. The answer is NO. Should I join those who said that 2011 is a bad year? I mean, could it be that what they said is going to be true? ErrmMMM…NO WAY. No that fast.

In my deepest thought, I could not lie to myself that last year, same time, my life was so much adventurous than this. I also couldn’t believe that “That was me” and it was only last year when things were looking so different. I was A Different Person. Oh man. Was that even me? I remember that I was considered half floating half walking. There were things that I did with me being half awake. Seriously. Last year was filled with excitement compared to same time this year. My oh My. Am I close to labeling 2011 being dull and less lively? Okay. NOT YET.

I took my time recalling back the people I have in my life. Other than my family and my closefriends, some places were taken by different people. Maybe these people made my life looking so interesting that time. It was worth remembering although it wasn’t a good ending. Okay enough with that. Now I want to identify why THIS YEAR isn’t that interesting? Have I lost my sense of humour? Have I lost my ground to enjoy life that I give myself a boring life this year? Cos it’s clearly my own doing, ya see. I can’t blame others why my life is not as interesting as before. I can’t blame my surrounding for making it less adventurous. I can’t blame it on other people why they are not around to make my life looking that excited.

But it’s only July, guys. Don’t talk about next month, you don’t even know what gonna happen tomorrow, or the day after that. There are a few months to make A Big difference to 2011. Although I can say that compared to same time last year, this year is considered gloomy but I can expect some “explosion” in the months to come. I have FAITH that 2011 is gonna ba A GREAT YEAR for me. Maybe it’s a slow start but again, it’s about how we end it. At the end of the day, don’t you think 90% of it comes from us?

Oh man. Come to think about it…I totally underestimate my 2011 so far. Yeah, maybe I had some adventures last year but look, I am enjoying myself now. I can’t believe that typing half of this post, without the realization that This year so far has done wonders to me. The new people that come to my life, they are a lot of fun. Maybe it was just my fault for not giving it all the justice it deserves. My work is doing good, although I deal with a few crooked friends, but my customers are giving me trust like never before. I guess, all the effort of being strong in the past years finally starting to pay back. This year, opportunities are open in such a way that I can advance myself so much better than years before. Also, I feel like I am more IN CONTROL of my life. It‘s always about me, what I want, what I decide and how I make things happen. Being another year more mature, I handle things so well. No more prolonged cold wars, emotionally or physically. I have faced situation that can turn me into a mad cow, but it didn’t happen that way. Instead, I refuse to blow it up and accepted that some conflicts could caused by my own mistakes too. Oh gosh. I am on my way to become a much better individual. How can I not thank God for that.

What a silly thing to do when I have great people telling me of my worth, although I always want to deny it, why don’t I just really consider that they really mean it. It’s not like I have another lifetime for all that. IT’S NOW…OR Never. Now I have the answer. I have almost full power to DO IT and turn this year into a Superb year. Now that we know we have this power, don’t you want to use it? GO USE IT and MAKE THIS 2011 BIG in History. 

We have a mission, guys. Good Luck. :))

My Hair Kind Of Red

Anybody can go to the hair saloon and have their hair dyed. Everyone can do it as long as you set aside some budget for your hair cos it surely gonna cost something. The other question is, THE COLOUR that you pick for your hair. I am quite an experimental person but I can't be too brave. I always like RED range. My hair has experimented a few kinds of RED. Red has a wide range, sometimes you can't even detect the difference at first glance.

This kind of Red is also a brave pick, although not the bravest so far. I remember 2 years ago I pick this kind of red that almost "barbie-doll like" because you could see this red in the dolls' hair.I mean, darn. I ended up going out using my cap. *LOLS. But when I asked my friend, "Do I look like an Alien?" She refused to say, Yes. She kept saying, "It looks nice bah" but some time later she mistakenly made the remark that "the kind of hair was a bit punky" (Yeah, and I know how to spell funky Hahahaha. What I mean is, Punk-like...Erks) No MORE that kind of RED!! Hahaahhaa

So this is finally the colour that is adored by many of my friends, even customers even relatives. My mom and my sister won't have much to say about my hair colour, just as long as they said once that my "Medusa hair looks good" - I'm fine with it. Hahahaha. (My Medusa Hair is what I used to call my curly hair cos when it gets too messy, I don't know if I look like I Medusa, but I feel like a Medusa. Hehehehe)

I can take a 100 of pics but it's not easy to get the picture that truly shows the real kind of red that my hair has now. This picture is almost Very Accurate. I am so sorry because the pic happened to be "Just Hair" so no matter if I was trying to smile cute at the camera, this snap ignored it. Darn it. I have to candid my own pictures at different angle and see if I get the colour right. I purposely make some part of the picture blur so you won't see the mess in my office...hehehehe.

 

Although I have received good comments about this colour, I never believe that Hair colour can be that much of your appearance. To me, it's about you and your own hair. If you feel good when you look at the mirror, that's enough. I'm just lucky the rest like it. Even if they don't, I will still like my hair. My hair is such a blessing. Just to have this hair to cover my head...Oh God, Thanks. Especially to have this thick hair, and now that it's waistlength, it's everything I ask for a hair...hehehe. Okay, shall I end this short post with something about hair, well, lets just use this. "Love your hair and your hair will love you." Thank you. *LOLS. Have fun everyone :))

Bersih 2.0: My Ignorable Views

Trust me I think more than twice to write this. In the midst of anger and rebel of the people from the incident happened in 9th July 2011, commentary like this is considered insensitive and radical. Me again. It’s me again.

 

Let’s talk about politics. You want Clean Politics? Where in this world you can find such thing? If our Election has really “lost it”, trust me the Government won’t be too generous to give 5 States to the Opponents. Trust me, with all the money that they have, they could actually make the Opponents disappear altogether and not be able to further poison the people. It shows you that our Country, is NOT in “that very bad” state yet. If you think I am a pro-gov to be saying all this, the answer is NO.

I tell you a little bit of history. I, as one of the Sabahans, have even BIGGER reasons to slam the Federal (Government) for squeezing our wealth and still leave us THE POOREST state in Malaysia. If you think I don’t go to school, you are wrong. Maybe I’m not like most of you, who read everything about politics, and memorise every details and chronology. Sorry, I don’t do that. But I do know about the major issues of misconduct involving the Leaders of both Government and Oppositions. I do analyze and I DO WANT TO KNOW. Even 2 of my uncles are UMNO’s leaders in their respective areas. One of them passed me a form of Puteri UMNO, and expected me to fill it in, not asking me if I am even UMNO supporter. The form was left there for years and I refuse to fill it. The rest of them filled the form out of “familyship”. I’m not like them. I somehow have this “grudge” against this ruling party because of what the Federal did to Sabah. Trust me, I am not siding the Government in this view. I am thinking Logically and Reasonably, like I always do.

Yes maybe they Government is NOT being good enough. Or are they being good but we think it’s NOT enough? Maybe economically, we are robbed by the Federal. And the living proof is many areas in Sabah are still without electricity and roads. Yes, you can keep saying that. Keep bringing up their failures. Trust me I KNOW their weaknesses too. And for THIS reason, I NEVER VOTE my whole life. I think that my voice is just too small to change anything. Or…is there something else? I think that No matter how patriotic I want to be, they will still be the ruling party. You know what most Sabahans from my place want? We want someone like Pairin to rule Sabah. Who is a non-Muslim, who is a Kadazan, who talks our native language and who is from Sabah itself. That’s what they wanted. Can we get that? Can we?? We must consider that Malaysia is an Islamic country. And maybe Pairin can still be Chief Minister of Sabah; that if he is the still the Opposition, PBS. Maybe he realized that his fight might end in vain if he KEEPS FIGHTING a battle he could not win. Sabah would go down with him. The Opponents are politically the enemies of the Government so you know whoever led by Oppositions, the Government “make them suffer” and see for themselves that the Oppositions can’t give them much, anymore than the Government can. So the best move is to JOIN with the Government and not being treated “a black sheep”. He has tried and he has once won. The reality is TOUGH. Now Sabah is back with the Government. What if that’s the only best way for Sabah?

Let’s get back to Bersih 2.0. I was in awe looking at some of the civilians who went on the road, especially those who were old and even disabled – even sick and not healthy, joining the rally. I would be called evil if I dare to say that this could just be “A Show” by the Opposition. They paid some people from all walks of life, and made them join the Rally, and made it look like the rally was supported by all Malaysians. We never know, right? Okay, I’m evil to say that. Ok Fine, lets just assume they really came for the good cause. To Support A Clean/Fair Election. What these people don’t know is, it’s just too simplified to want “A Clean Election” after all the dirty tricks made by both Government and Oppositions. Those who are rallying with you, are you sure they are practicing it too? Just because they make it a national issue to demand Clean Election from the Government, does that make them the Fair Players? Maybe these people on the street assuming too much and what they know they are with their good intention and all the people who are with them should be on the right side. Ehmmm…THINK AGAIN. If one day the Opposition rules Malaysia, how do you know they don’t play dirty too? How do you know? Oh, then I hear a voice saying, “That’s why we should give them a chance to show that they can be a better leader than the Government now! We never try, we never know!!!” OMIGAWD. Are you or are you not kidding me?

Even among the Pakatan Rakyat themselves, they keep disagreeing with each other. They should be strong if they combine but seems like they have different way of achieving their goal. They have issues that could not be compromised. Maybe most of you think that I judge Datuk Anwar on his misconduct of sodomy charges and the latest one was the sex video. NO. I don’t. I thought that his sodomy case was a Universe joke. I imagine that when more hardcore explicit sexual acts are done every minute, now a guy, was actually slaving himself to the court just to hear the case that he is facing charging by penetrating some other guy’s backside and he’s going to jail for that. I mean. I am seriously wanting to laugh at all this. While they are busy doing the trial, there are many more guys doing the same thing at the different places and they will do it again and again because it’s just “too common” for them. It’s not like it’s an act of crime that kills another human although it’s considered a violation of religious law especially for the Muslims. I even saw the sex video and guess what, I laughed again. I saw a guy who is NOT him, but has a bit of his resemblance from certain angle. I actually called Datuk T stupid for making a fool out of themselves. From making people half believe that he actually did involve in sodomy, they actually lose the other half when they use the video to higlight on different thing and it was not even concrete. Or I still could say that my eyes lied to me. It could be him. The same with the rumour about Najib and Rosmah’s involvement in the murder case of Altantuya Sharibuu. It’s said that it was Rosmah who murdered the model out of anger and jealousy. People have been talking and some even presented believable motives, STILL, the accused are denying . The truth is out there, but certainly NOT reachable by us. So if you want to assume that Najib's case is true, don’t you think you should assume Anwar’s cases are true too? We are all getting secondhand stories from sources we don’t know. Do you know all this? THIS IS CALLED POLITICS. Politics are meant to be Dirty. If it’s so clean and following a certain virtue, maybe they call it something else but NOT politics. People like us will be the victim of receiving all these and talk among us and start to have anger when we decide that they are really guilty for the crimes Suddenly we all become “Your Honour” at the court. Are we even that good ourselves?

If you speak about world and sins, this world is getting older. Some of you even believe that it’s gonna end next year. Now are you speaking of Undoing all these overlymessed situations? Malaysia is not a new country. We have come to almost 54 years being independent and This UMNO has been the ruling party since early independence. Tun Abdul Rahman, and then Tun Abdul Razak, who is Najib’s dad, and then Tun Hussien Onn, Tun Mahathir, Pak Lah and now Najib. These are from UMNO. Whatever that you are not satisfied with them, like I have stated earlier on, at least we don’t have to hide inside our house, scared of our safety and we don’t have to die from hunger. We can go to work, we can go have fun in recreational outlets, we can earn extra income if we work hard and we even go to school until we get our PHD if we are willing to pursue. The world is still talking about Mount Kinabalu and Rafflesia that made our Sabah proud, and we still get to preserve our traditional customs and culture, and Yes, we can go to church and pray without worry. If you are sick, you can go to the Government hospital and pay only RM1 to get your treatment, and for the civil servants, they even get more advantages. Recently, my bro's study loan was converted into scholarship because of  his good result and even his Master degree will be funded by the Government. I mean, the Government isn't so bad in everything. We still get to carry out our life plan, get married, have kids, and savings, have house, have cars. My friends…Don’t you see that? 

 We can sit at the coffee table with our Malay, Chinese and Indian friends, Muslims, Christians, Buddha, Hindu – celebrating each other’s celebration IN PEACE. Whatever that you guys speak about dirty politics, unfair election – that eventually caused the rally of Bersih 2.0 a few days ago, Have you guys overlooked the good things that we have?

What are you worried about? Are you worried that Najib is 100 times richer than you and still he’s using the country’s money to go on vacation? Are you worried that Tan Sri Taib Mahmud has 100 more lands all over the world that you could have in 100 lifetime? Why worry about the things you never own. Have you overlooked that your family can live in peace, have enough to eat and wear and even a proper shelter to live in? I mean, just in case you are so hurtful thinking about the wealth that These Politicians make because of them being greedy and because of them using their position to get rich with what should be channeled to the people. 

Look, whether or not they get the money in a good or bad way, I’m sure as hell they can’t bring them all to grave. I GUARANTEE. Do not feel hurtful anymore. Any politicians, or even normal people like me and you, we can pretend to be nice and kind but we can’t lie to God. We are still held responsible for our deeds and you don’t have to worry cos that’s God’s job.  They be bad, we won't share their sins with them. Let God judge them. So, what actually re the things you should worry about when you are still alive?

Have you ever looked at the other countries where wars and violence become part of their lives? The kids crying at the street, or those where they have to live in famine and extreme poverty? Those people are losing their loved ones anytime and lose their own lives anytime too. Try and say to these people about demanding a Clean Politics/Election from the government, DO YOU THINK IT MATTERS TO THEM? When they have to struggle to be alive another day, it’s when you think that this subject of Trying to FIX the way “how things have been for so many years” – is just like a meaningless dust. These people should know better how UNGRATEFUL we are that when we have EVERYTHING they don’t, we are trying to Raise an Issue (although it’s for a good intention and for a good cause), opening a way for people to GO AGAINTS each other, to express protest publicly and in this game of Superfilthy dirty politics, You never know that this could be used by ANYONE for their own agenda. Now you see how Malaysia is already facing some troubles from the rally. The organizer claimed it was a peaceful Rally. You can claim anything because when it happens, it happens. It would be too late when  bad things happened that day. Now they have a platform of doing it., You never know that some group might use this issue to make fun of us , not that you don't know that our countries have plenty of foreigners and even illegals. They don't care about this country as much as we do but if we are busy arguing, they can just slip in and take advantage of this. That time, when a lot of innocent people killed and injured, it would go back to the Government. Government will  have to answer why such incident is not controlled when we have a so called forced called PDRM. That's why certain measure was taken by the Police before things got too late. The people are now blaming the Police for being violent at the rally participants. OMG. Do you know that if the Police weren’t there, WHAT WOULD HAPPEN? The people were on their own and this could easily turned into a street riot since no one was there to monitor and control them. They have already warned days before that, that this rally was ILLEGAL and asked people not to join or risked being arrested for disturbing peace. Now when the Police did their job, the people used it against them saying that Police were being harsh. Ihat’s HOW THEY DO THEIR JOB because their job is to deal with the offenders. Their job is to KEEP PEACE in our country. Do you ever thank them that we can live in peace all these while? When you go against them, do you expect them to beg each and everyone of you to stop and dismiss the rally? 

One more thing, maybe some of you might say that I am so Unpatriotic, unlike those who went to the street and showed support. For what, again? For a fair Election, right?? Can doing that Do something about a Fair Election? If yes, I would be among the earliest who come there and I’ll make sure my friends and relatives are there too, since we COULD change something with it, right? But not only it can’t change ANYTHING, it even caused public damages, even death, injury and also economic losses because of the impression that was made on our country by the press. ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?

You must know that Elections are handled by humans too. There are always ways to get something done, and by giving a little money, they might do it. Don’t say that the Opposition never did anything to counterstrike the Government. It’s just unlucky that they are not the ruling party, or they could be doing WORSE. (It’s a reasonable assumption of mine. Aren't you guys familiar with assumptions too?) These are among all the misconducts of human beings. Not only in elections, we cheat and lied everyday, in everything. So when you ask for something like clean elections, it’s like along with this sinful filthy world, you suddenly blame this world Why isn’t Malaysian Government be fair in the elections? You get that now?? You try to fix something that have long gone wrong. This is not about election anymore. It’s human to Sin. Suddenly some people expect a Perfect government, No fraud, No Hanky Panky, Just a straight transparent, kind, generous – all the things that even you yourself are not capable of doing. Even in your own family and marriage, you have to “play dirty” to have a peaceful marriage. You must know what to say and do, to avoid arguments. NOW YOU GO RALLY TO ASK FOR A FAIR ELECTIONS AND CLEAN POLITICS?

My major question to all of you who are so much against the Government. DO YOU HAVE A BETTER CANDIDATE? You mean Anwar? Now since that he has never proven that he walks the talks, DO YOU RISK YOUR 54 Years of fight, to someone whose reputation is badly tarnished; framed or not framed? He has also said empty promises, even silly and unreasonable ones – if you really want to compare him with with Najib’s words being unreliable. My point is, we might want a gold, but what we have in our hands are just silver and steel, Of course we pick the silver since it’s just slightly better, although none of those actually meet our criteria. At LEAST, you and me can still Enjoy life the way we do for how long we’ve been alive, and we are able to do our good deeds (and even bad) and we can even die peacefully in this land. 

I’m sorry if I don’t ask for TOO MUCH. I’m sorry if you think I’m not willing to fight for what is right. In my capacity, I rather channel my virtues to one another. I rather be good to my friends and family and my customers and make sure we are all as happy as can be. In the meantime, I know that I’m still with so much flaws. Sometimes we have to see if it’s worthwhile. to fight. We have other things that need our energy and attention that are within our capability. That’s why we are given this brain to make decisions.

You worry that our future generation gonna get abused by this so-called Abusive Government? This Government has been ruling Malaysia since the early days. Now you can go outside Malaysia and proudly introduce yourself to be A Malaysian. This Government that you people HATE so much, is giving us a comfortable zone to move around and do our right to live as a human. Not that I think we should not give chance to the Opposition, but it’s whether you are Right that they deserve the chance, or we are all going down with them. This issue of Who to rule a country isn’t just something you can simply do Trial and Error. If not, it’s also the same people who gather at the street and chanting for "A Change", directed to this “alternative government” that you opt for as long as you get rid of Barisan Nasional, right?

We are all humans. We hardly survive for 100 years. These politicians, just like us, they will go too. They will be replaced by newer leaders, who might have better ideology. We shall hope for the best that the next PM might be someone who would never let anyone organize a Rally like this to condemn his leadership. Or are we never satisfied and happy with what we have? Are we gonna keep protesting whoever is leading the country thinking that there’s always a better way of running a country? You think for a while. I don’t say that you are not grateful, but the world is getting older, I just want us to put to rest all the elements that makes us go against each other. I always pray to God, thanking him for this life. I’m sure The Peace that we have in this country is part of that good feeling that I have everyday. That’s why I choose to be this way, and so do the rest of them who prefer to stay silent and just watch things done by the highspirited Malaysians who want to see the changes happen. Maybe you call people like us, Selfish? That we want to stay out of trouble? Or maybe we are people who appreciate peace and we are reasonable about our demands in life. Maybe we have experienced people’s different behaviour to finally be reasonable with our expectations of another humans. We Aren’t Angels.

Are you sure you guys are not going for a Perfect Government? I tell you what. It doesn’t exist. You want a Perfect Kingdom, you be a good person and go to heaven. There’s the only place where Perfection exists. If you guys know that you CAN’T HAVE IT ALL, would you still NOT opt for PEACE? Just wondering :)

I’m still thankful to be born in Malaysia. God Bless Malaysia!!!

NOTE: Now that you read my view, time to ignore it. Back to Zero2. Thanks.

My Voice Post

FINALLY!

NOTE: Hahaha, Sorry. I made fun with the pronunciation of the word Conscience. I used to pronounce it that way although I know it's not the right way but let's consider I make it a totally new word... *LOLS...Enjoy and if you think this doesn't sound anything like Train-talking, trust me I watch my speed courteously...*LOLS. Have fun all. NOTE: Maybe this player only works with certain browser but it sure works for Firefox. You can try your browser first, okay.