Many years have left, I have nothing but dumped memories about this guy. To recall back, I deserved all the heartbreak. Only a week ago, I thought of going back to some of the files I saved in my cd. It has many memories of him that I have made peace with. Guess what, then I remember what a great guy he was to me. I remember quoting being treated like a princess by him. Suddenly I decided he was still the best guy among them. It took me days to reminisce the happy things and maybe try to recall if I were really that stupid to let a guy like him go. Wow, really. I was drowned in good thoughts of him. What a really really awesome guy he was to compare to some of the guys after him. And guys like him was definitely near extinction.
Then only after the few days, I remember the bad things. His bad temper. His smoking habit. His bad money management. Then I remember I had my reasons why I said I was not prepared for the next level. And those flowery thoughts of him suddenly start to fade now. Fade and tasteless. But I'm glad I had the few days of awesome thoughts of him cos it doesn't last that long. I'm glad that I have that tribute for him. For once I thought the feeling gonna stay, but hell no. It's disappearing like the morning fog.
I even dreamt of him last nite. I dreamt that he and I are in touch once again. We are in each other's desk, and we type something in our pc like we are writing for each other. I said to myself, oh, now I'm a grown up woman, there's no harm in this friendship. Then I woke up shaking my head. It was after the dream that I felt that I had enough for this guy's memories. I'm sure I'm still a painful memory to him too. I'm not sure if he has forgiven me but I hope he has. Oh, I remember one dream I had when I was still in a relationship with him. That he came to my house wearing his tuxedo. He came to pick me up. I was also in my white wedding dress. But surprisingly, I felt so bitter about going with him. I Refused. He left in anger, and I had no single regrets. But that time, I always knew I was never prepared for that commitment with him. The dream didn't surprise me but I still thought the outcome of reality could be better. But sadly, nope.
My point is, revisiting memories is not bad at all. But they gonna last really short so just take what's good while you are at it. My dear ex, thanks for "visiting". May God bless you always.
