“The Lost Notebook”

Do you guys realize that the problem in humans is not because “they can’t think”, but it’s because sthing can simply deny them from taking benefit from whatever kind of rational thinking that their mind can produce. Do you get the idea?

For example, you lost a broken notebook. Okay, maybe you misplaced it, or maybe someone stole it, but then, hey, it’s a broken notebook! You never need it anymore for the past few months but you just keep so much hurt in you. You can go on telling people why you shouldn’t feel sad but deep inside, you feel the pain of losing it. I mean, of course it’s if that you still have it cos it’s your belonging, it should be with you and not somewhere else. You can’t help but think of all the things the notebook has done for you. Its years in service, maybe you spent your memorable moments holding it. You just can’t let go that sentimental value of that notebook. Okay, maybe a normal phase for anyone who has just lost something.

But that’s not normal when it holds you back. You can’t keep bringing the lost notebook story to people, making it a big deal – which you almost forgot the fact that it’s broken and no longer can be used. Guys, this can sound really simple but you could be one of them who are still trapped with “your lost broken notebook” story. Things that you know you are able to let go, but you refuse. You think you can’t just let go sthing that once was so meaningful to you. Regrets keep coming to you, wishing that you could have taken care of it better. Oh no, again, you forgot it’s broken.

So if this is familiar with you, it’s time to let it go guys!! If in your case it’s not “ a broken notebook” but a friend or someone important that is drifting away from you, remember this. If they belong to be in your life, they will catch up. If they are not, someone will come and fill that place. Just leave the space vacant, to be fair. *winks. The clock keeps ticking, it won’t stop to any drama we put or how much delay we take, heck, even when we are sleeping, the clock will be ticking happily. Time gone will not come back, so if you want to grieve for something, do it fast, finish it fast and quickly turn a new page. Get busy writing it. Be a professional “author” of your book of life. And sure as hell a professional author won’t keep grieving about a lost broken notebook. :)

Note: Trust in His wonderful plan, and keep doing your best. Get up from every setback, and remember, if people do you wrong, it’s totally their problem, only when you give them so much space to disturb your own peace, then only it becomes your problem too. So decide wisely, guys.

Guilt.

Do you ever have this one guilt that you just can’t let go? You have told the same stories to your friends, your colleagues, your mates, but it appears that you never really tell the person. The only person who is yet to know about it is him. The one you feel guilty at.

I won’t say that it’s all fated that he’s still around, and really available to hear anything I want to say. I made the effort, and located him, but never really said it. Only recently that I thought of seriously going to ask for his forgiveness.  I had the chance before but I did not take it. I thought that after all the damage, he has forgiven me anyway. And how we used to talk again like adults, he told me how I turned his world upside down when I left him but then what mattered was he was happy to see me again. I remember that when I appeared that time, it wasn’t for the most noble intention. I was just testing the water. When will I learn my lesson?

So after some bittersome trial that happened in my journey lately, I finally thought of him. Looks like I was never over this guilt yet. I still owe him that. I knew it somehow that I must come clean with these big guilts before I could really proceed with my life. The fact that I still have his gift, the gift that he thought was a token from his heart, I lost count how many times I asked people’s opinion if I should return it. Now, what am I waiting for?

He’s around and he’s waiting for me to say my first word. I should just say it to him just to clear it off my chest. This world is just not fair, right. Especially when you are the victim. Why doesn’t life make it easier for human beings and their helplessness. If it were so simple, I could simply pick not to hurt anyone.  So today, coincident or not, is his birthday. A perfect time for me to do a bit of recollection, and finally talk with my most sensible sense – I want to ask for forgiveness. Although I can defend myself why I do what I did, no, it’s not about that. I just thought that I could have done it better but I did not. I was too coward, too selfish and it was all about me, me me. I have come this far and it’s time for me to really mean it when I say I’m sorry.

Even in my prayer, I keep having the same thought of guilt. It’s time to really really let go of this guilt. I’m gonna ask for his forgiveness with every bit of sincerity that I have, and I know, with such a kind heart that he has, he will forgive me.  And from there, I hope to be free from this too.

God, have mercy us poor sinners. Guide us to do the right thing, to correct our mistakes and to fix our ways. In Jesus name, Amen.