Hello, I Am Imperfectionist, and You?

Of all the time I thought I was a perfectionist, it turns out that I am totally the opposite? Hahaha. Ask me how I find out! 

I saw that the world is getting more competitive everyday. People find competition in almost every aspect of life. A perfectionist should be part of that, right. Cos it should be easier to win when you have it all set at a good level. But apparently I have less desire to compete. Maybe I hate losing, but who doesn't? I guess there's something else. I just quit getting approval. Having a perfectionist mental but far from being perfect, is already a torture. Aging makes me realize more and more that - I want to happily be ME!

It's not possible if I keep competing. What if what's good for them is not what I want. What if I don't care if I'm prettier or sexier, or smarter. Then why should I try so hard? Competing means I am trying to be at someone's level, when I don't necessarily desire it. I have figured out what are the things that I want. At the same time, I will have to live with a few facts that I am always imperfect no matter how hard I try. Not everyone will like me, or accept me, no matter what I do, or no matter how good I can become.

Me and all my imperfections, what should I do with them? Should I beat them and get rid of them? Maybe I could do something about it. But it ain't free. It gonna cost me a lot of fun and comfort from my life and you tell me I'm doing it all for other people? No Way. That's why, I have decided to just be an Imperfectionist instead!!! I am gonna make peace with my imperfection, not because I can't improve, but I have decided, I will never gonna impress people, their way. I'm not gonna do what they like, not gonna dress how they want me to, I'm not gonna get their affection by some angelic acts that I never have to begin with!! 

You know what the fun part of this? I want to keep the fakers away. I don't want to conspire with the wrong people to manipulate virtues just to be in my life - just for me to find out that they are not worth it. I only want the right people to be here. The people who will accept me just this way, without me having to show my best yet. Call that some lessons I get from life. So have you decided something similar? Time to figure it out! :))

Does KARMA care?

Karma. We hear this word a little too often sometimes. Well, does the Bible mention anything about Karma? I don't think so. In fact, I first hear this word, related to Hindu. But this word has been accepted by others from different religion too, as a general word to refer to the cycle of - What goes around comes around - or What you give, you get back. 

In my case, it happened before that Karma happened on me immediately after I did something bad. Maybe it was coincidence but I just knew it was karma because what happened to me was kinda related to what I did. If I laughed at people for something that they wore, then I was laughed at shortly after that. Right away I knew that it was Karma. Or at least I thought so. I didn't know the word Karma was back then. I just knew that if I did something wrong, I must be punished. Sound a bit scary there.

What about now? After so many years living this life. Have I stopped believing? Nope. It's not the word, but it's the Cycle. Like it or not, I still prefer to believe it. Cos it is like a -police- that will fine me if I ever do bad. Does it mean that I never do anything bad now? Wrong. I still sin everyday, but At Least, I don't sin out of cruelty. If I make someone sad, it's not my intention. It's just my weakness that disallow me to become kinder or more polite just like what people expect. Who is the executor of Karma? Is it God? Probably right? But I always bear in mind that God has so much love for us, I rather say that it's the system that God creates to give us lesson so that we learn and be nicer. 

This year alone, I associate with people - who made me wonder if they know Karma. Do they hear anything about it, at least? Seriously, I doubt they do. Cos they wouldn't dare to do what they did - like running away with someone's money and never complete the deal. I did my best to - think positive - till the end. Till they completely destroyed the doubt and made sure that they actually did it fully consent and with intention. I still could not believe that anyone, who live to an adult age, can still act like that. Call me a child. I seriously can't believe. I officially have not seen much of the world, right?

Somehow, I move on and look ahead. I have a little concern. In fact, I'm kind worried that Karma gets to them in the way they have to deal twice the trouble they caused me. I'm afraid they couldn't handle it. I don't wish for anything bad to happen to these people, at the same time I also don't want them to think it's okay to do it. I only hope that God will send them some lesson, but may they not suffer - only learn. The question to ask is - Does Karma care what the victim thinks? What if Karma doesn't then it will continue to torture these people until they regret. 

Yes or no, can we please Not victimize people with the evil of our flesh? If it's so hard, at least think of KARMA. "Do not do to others what you do not others to do to you". Lets start fresh today. Lets clean the karma with good deeds. Lets clean the karma with making up for our mistakes. On the way, we surely make God happy. Amen to that. :))

Why Must I Fear?

Hello guys! I miss you guys too. Pardon me for being away from blogging for quite a while. I'm always around but I often missed the chance to blog. Here I am again!

The question is, Why Must I Fear? They say, Fear is the absence of Faith. But what about those who actually have faith, and know exactly what they believe, in one divine God, that is. So, does that mean these so-call faithfuls can't or shouldn't have fear? Or by having fear, is their faith not real?

Let me get this straight. The older I get, the more fears I have. Not to mention the existing ones. Fear of heights, and now I think I'm starting to get phobias - because the more we know about this world, the more fragile we are. I start to miss the younger days when I did not have the knowledge about so much filth of this world. The world is just more than just uncertainties, it's just out of this galaxy kind of uncertainties. I wish I could pick which part of the world I want to know and remember. The crimes that people do, greed, inhumane, insanity, I am not sure anymore if there's really anything that can reverse all that. But then, don't we have God? Yes we have. Is God enough? Yes, He is. But why do we still fear? I think I have the answer.

My faith is one thing. I believe in God. I believe that He listens, He protects, He gives mercy and He guides. He does all that, and He will not abandon the believers. But I also believe that God gives us power to decide what to do with our lives. Remember the times when we did so many mistakes and they happened anyway? Despite getting guidance from God, we still very much listen to our flesh instead of our spirit. Or even if we try so hard to get guided by our good conscience, things can still go wrong. God certainly let things happen as a consequences from our decision. And He certainly will let us make the mistakes, no matter how many times - as long as we decide to still make that mistake. So you understand where Fears have place around Faith? The fear that we still got it wrong, whether we are led by our desire or God just purposely wants us to learn. That's why, despite my faith, my fears are still around. As a matter of fact, my fears are bothering me everyday. I wish they could just go away. I still believe that I am lacking in the kind of faith that really can make all the fears go away. Lets just put it that way for now.

Somehow, it's just worse without the presence of Faith. I accept this as a learning process. Looking at the brighter side of it, I must have my battles to keep growing. Once I can overcome this, I will know why God allows them to be in my life for now. It's with them that I will watch my steps closely, that I will never feel safe without God's protection. In fact, my fears make me rely on Him much more than before. Guys, if you face the same thing, pick that road with God in it. We'll be safe anyway...:))